Insecurities and Inexperience
by TwifanUK
Summary: AH/OOC. Edward and Bella have been best friends all their lives and after officially becoming a couple there is only one thing standing in their way. Sex. Life can never be easy for the pair and nothing goes as planned. Between their own inexperience an
1. Cramping and Emissions

**This is my very first fan fic. Please be gentle ;) **

**Reviews gratefully received. _Constructive _criticism will only make the story better!**

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****Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. The are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

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Chapter One - 'Cramping and Emissions' 

"Agh! Shit!"

The pain in my leg wrenched me from my sleep, making me involuntarily thrash and jump to the other side of my small single bed.

For as long as I could remember I'd suffered with painful cramping of my lower legs, usually brought on by cold temperatures during sleep. I'd lost count of times in the early hours, that I'd awoken in agony only to have my father Charlie barge into my room thinking I was being murdered in my sleep. The sight of him in his t-shirt and y-fronts brandishing his gun like a mad man was certainly not a pretty thing to wake up to.

But why would I have had it this morning and why was my bedroom so bloody cold? I distinctly remembered closing my window before I went to bed as there was torrential rain predicted.

"_Maybe I just forgot" _I mused, as I shivered and sat up against the headboard to massage my right calf quickly to try to relieve some of the pain before I could get out of bed.

"Hmph, what the fuck?" I heard moaning from beside my bed only to see a tousled mop of auburn hair appear.

"Oops! Sorry!" I giggled as my boyfriend, Edward's face appeared above my mattress; his green eyes blurry under heavy lids.

"Yeah, well a bit of warning would be nice next time. You know, if you really want me to wake up there are easier ways," he laughed, rubbing his head as he lifted himself off the frigid wooden floor and crawled back onto the bed and into the comforting warmth of the duvet.

His strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me down against his toned chest. "Hmm this is nice," he murmured as he snuggled down, sniffing my hair and kissing the top of my head. I cuddled into his chest taking in the smell that I could only ever identify as _'__Edward__'_. I swear I could drown in that aroma and die a happy woman.

"What time is it?!" I asked, suddenly acknowledging the presence of my father in the house. If he ever caught Edward in my room he'd wear his balls as cufflinks for the next Christmas party. I might be nearly 18, but I will always be his little girl and he is fiercely protective of me_, _hence no boy at my school coming within a 2 mile radius of me, the Police Chiefs daughter.

"I don't know, I don't care. It's Saturday," he mumbled as I tried to pull away from his embrace, only be held onto tighter.

"What about _Charlie_?" I stressed, trying to wriggle out of his grip. "If he heard the commotion he might come in and I really don't feel like having _that_ conversation with him this morning. And I'm sure you'd like to keep your testicles in your trousers rather than a jar," I whispered, trying to sound as serious as possible, finally freeing myself and moving to lean up to face Edward with my hands on his chest. The mere mention of Charlie was enough to wake Edward up enough to have him scrambling on the bedside table looking for his phone.

"Hmm, 08:30. Too early…" he moaned, holding me in a warm embrace.

"08:30? Damn!" I squeaked, rolling away from Edward swinging my over the side of the bed and gasping as the cold wood touched my feet.

"_bloody miserable September weather...bloody miserable Forks...Boyfriend a eunuch if Charlie catches him...bollocks for earrings," _I muttered as I padded across the room to close the window. "Brrrrrr." I shivered as I looked out onto the, oh so familiar, grey and foggy street. The cruiser wasn't parked in the driveway which could only mean one thing; Charlie had gone fishing after all. _"Thank you Lord," _I prayed silently under my breath, for the small reprieve as I could hear Edward fidgeting behind me on the bed.

"Come back to bed." He winked, opening the side of the duvet inviting me.

"I can't, too cold, need a shower."

"I can warm you up," he pouted. Damn! That boy was far too much like his twin sister Alice. Always a pout when he wanted to get his own way. Ever since they were little they'd known how to get their own way. Pouting and, or as I like to call it, 'dazzling people' into submission. I'd gotten strong to it over the years but they are still known to break down my defences. Well not this morning mister!

"Why's the window open anyway?" I huffed, as I searched through my closet looking for something half decent to wear. God knows why I bothered though. I would never get Alice's approval anyway. I could walk into a room wearing the latest couture and that hyperactive pixie would look at me as if I'd walked in wearing a potato sack.

"The room needed airing…" he yawned, stretching himself letting his wife beater rise up showing his happy trail leading into his black boxers.

"Huh why?" I mumbled, rummaging through my drawers looking for a matching pair of socks.

"Well, _someone_ had too much garlic last night…" he smirked.

"It most certainly wasn't _me_!" I retorted, spinning on my heels giving him the death glare. "If I seem to remember correctly it was you that had the extra garlic bread, making me open the car window on the drive home, freezing my tits off"

"Well, it wasn't only me darling. I seem to remember you farting like a trooper last night! You even laughed in your sleep after letting rip with a rather impressive one," he laughed, coming up behind me to wrap his arms around my waist, kissing behind my ear.

"_Oh God! No, no, no!"_ My cheeks burned at the thought. Where the hell was that big hole in the floor when it was needed?!

"I thought it was rather cute actually," He mumbled nuzzling into me, pulling me tighter to his chest and tracing patterns with his fingers on my stomach over my tank top. "How such a small, delicate creature could make such noises is beyond me..." he chuckled to himself.

"Well, I'm glad you find it amusing. Now, if you've quite finished embarrassing me I'm going to have a shower," I huffed, grabbing my clothes and stomping off to the bathroom. I could hear him chuckling to himself as I slammed the door behind me.

"_Oh why me Lord?! You give me a gorgeous boyfriend and then let me fart all night in front of him!"_

* * *

I stood in the mirror inspecting the damage and trying to regain my composure. Hair like a birds nest, bright red cheeks and a crease down the side of my face where I had obviously slept on it. "Oh Edward is such a lucky boy," I laughed to myself as I took my pyjamas off, and turned the shower on letting it run for a while so it was hot enough.

I stepped into the shower letting the hot water cascade down my body. Oh how I love hot showers, the hotter the better. Maybe I'm slightly masochistic but there's nothing like a hot shower that leaves you tingling. Realising that I'd been standing for a while and not wanting to use up all the hot water I reached for my shampoo.

"What the hell?" I mumbled, looking at the empty bottle. _"__Oh very butch Charlie! Strawberry shampoo for a fishing trip?__"_

Looking around, there wasn't anything else for me to use so, grabbing the biggest towel I could find and covering myself, I shouted to Edward to grab the fresh bottle from my cupboard for me. I could hear him next door rummaging through my stuff, followed by a thud and muffled cursing.

Suddenly the door swung open with a very flustered looking Edward standing there. I tried to stifle a laugh I took the bottle from him. "What happened to you?"

"A bottle of lotion with no lid balanced on the top self. That's what!" he grunted, running his hand through his hair covered in white gunk. God, he was sexy when pissed off.

"Serves you right for opening the window and giving me cramp this morning. That's karma, love" I giggled, turning around to resume washing my hair.

"Yeah, very funny. Ha, fucking ha," he mumbled under his breath, whilst standing staring at me with his arms folded across his chest.

"Am I _going_ you let you watch me shower?" I asked, glancing around with the towel still hiding my modesty.

"Oh come on! I've got this shit all over me! It's sticky and I smell like an old hookers handbag!" he moaned whilst sniffing his top.

"I don't care. I'll be done in a minute and then the shower's all yours," I stated, staring at him holding onto my towel.

He grunted before sloping off out of the door in a sulk.

* * *

Edward and I had known each other since we were born as our mothers met when pregnant and I had been best friends since before I can remember with him and his twin, Alice. We were known as the 'three musketeers' growing up. Where one went, the other two were sure to follow. It had now been 4 months since we 'officially' became a couple thus earning Emmett, Edwards cousin, $20 from Alice's boyfriend Jasper. Apparently that bet was going for a few years.

As much as I loved Edward I still felt awkward about him seeing me naked. Not that I was ugly or had a bad body. In fact, I thought it was quite good. Curves where they should be, pert breasts and a flat stomach. God knows how I got this body considering I couldn't do sports due to the danger I posed to the other players. Now if clumsiness was an Olympic sport it would be gold all the way.

It's not that I didn't _want_ him. Hell, there are times when I all wanted to do was jump his bones. I'd had some dreams that would have even made Paris Hilton blush. I just couldn't seem to lose my insecurities. I'd never had a boyfriend before Edward and I was still a virgin. The only other boy I'd kissed, and I used that term in the loosest sense, was Mike Newton who cornered me during a game of kiss chase aged 10 and proceeded to shove his tongue down my throat making me gag and thrown up.

I knew Edward's wasn't a virgin. The schools communal vagina, Lauren Mallory, made sure everyone knew about her '7 minutes of heaven' with him a couple of years ago. That vicious cow couldn't wait to let me know and rub my face in it. She was always jealous that the one of the schools hottest guys had me, plain Jane, as his best friend and wanted to stamp her claim on him.

That girl didn't need a bedroom door, a _turnstile_ would have been much more appropriate. Even so, Edward was too much of a gentleman to push things further, although a guiding hand would have been nice now and again.

* * *

I finished rinsing my hair and stepped out of the shower, wrapping the towel around my body. The hot water had made the bathroom uncomfortably humid so instead of dressing there I hurriedly gathered my stuff and headed back to my bedroom to finish.

As I swung the door open and rushed out I was met by a firm figure nearly knocking me off my feet making my towel drop.

"Ow!"

Scrambling around the floor grabbing my towel and clothes, I looked up to see Edward grinning down at me like the Cheshire cat.

"Oh come on Bella. It's not like I haven't seen it all before. We've had baths together remember."

"That's not the point and we were 5 when we did that. A lot has changed since then," I huffed, trying to cover myself up and batting away Edwards hand as he tried to bring me back to my feet.

"Things certainly _have_ changed from what I've just seen," he leered with a smirk on his face.

"Oh shut up and have a shower lotion boy!" I stormed as I stomped into my room, of course cheeks the obligatory beetroot colour.


	2. Girly Time

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. The are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

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**Chapter 2 - Girly Time**

As I stepped out of the front door I took a deep breath of fresh air. The sun had finally broken through the clouds, illuminating the front yard with a warm golden glow bouncing off the dew that remained on the lawn.

Skipping down the steps my eyes caught Edward sitting behind the wheel of his pride and joy; his silver Volvo. His hair perfectly was tousled to look like he had just rolled out of bed and he was wearing a fitted black t-shirt. I just couldn't help but stare at the fine specimen of man that had chosen me, Isabella Swan. As if he sensed my intrusive stare he looked up and smiled at me my favourite 'crooked' grin and nodded his head to beckon me over. Damn, I just couldn't get enough of him.

"Morning beautiful," he greeted, before leaning over and kissing me. A soft, warm sensual kiss before pulling away abruptly leaving me hovering in front of his face looking like an idiot.

"Put your belt on, we've got to be at mine in 20 minutes if you don't want Alice to bitch us out," he said, before putting the car in gear and driving down the street.

"Hmph, I was just beginning to enjoy that," I moaned, crossing my arms over my chest and giving the best pout I could manage.

"Pouting like that won't work," he laughed as he put his hand on my thigh. "Plus do you really want to feel the full wrath of Alice?" Just this mere touch had my body reacting in unspeakable ways and my mind falling into the gutter. How the hell did he do that to me? Did he know the effect he had on me?

"Anyway you two have to work on your outfit for tomorrow night," he added. "For your _birthday_ tomorrow..." he amended, noticing the look of confusion on my face and laughed.

"Oh yeah, _that,_" I mumbled. Birthdays had never been my favourite thing. I always felt awkward when people bought me gifts, and even worse, when Alice got her way and organised me a party or something. Yeah, a '_small affair'_. Right. Since when did a small affair included 150 people, DJ and enough food to feed a small country?

"Don't worry. Just let her have her fun. I'm sure it will be something tasteful and if it gets too much I'll smuggle you out," he joked, putting his finger under my chin to turn my face towards his.

"Ok, but the minute I see a dancing monkey, a dance troupe or in fact, any kind of unnecessary dancing, I'm out of there!"

"Deal." He nodded before turning down the long driveway to the Cullen estate.

* * *

No sooner had we pulled up when Alice came bounding out the front door towards us.

"You two took your time!" she shouted running towards me.

"Alice it's just after 10, we're not late..." I tried to argue before being cut off mid sentence and dragged into the house.

"Edward, I'm having Bella for the next few hours. We do not want any interruptions so go and amuse yourself elsewhere!" she shouted over her shoulder, to her bemused looking brother standing next to his car.

How the hell did this girl have so much energy? Was it humanly possible? I was going to check her for batteries one day.

Alice's room was exactly how you would expect it. Very pink, very extravagant with a closet the size of an average bedroom. On the wall opposite the door was a king-size bed with photos of Jasper, her boyfriend of 2 years, adorning the bedside tables.

"Alice…Do we really need to do this today? We've got all day tomorrow. Anyway how long can it seriously take to get ready for a _simple_ night?" I asked weakly.

"Well no, it won't take us all that time to get you ready…" she replied, from somewhere deep inside her closet.

"Then why are you keeping me hostage for the next few hours?" I complained.

Alice walked out of the closet with armfuls of clothes and mock upset covering her face.

"Can't I spend the day with my best friend for no reason?" she pouted whilst piling the clothes into my arms, and returning for what I assumed was the next load. "It's just that since you and Edward got together we haven't been able to hang out as much and I miss you."

"Alice… I, I'm sorry"

"Look I know you love him and all that but I just wanted to spend a little time with you today. You know, I love Edward more than anything but sometimes it's just nice to have girls only time without him tagging along," she continued as she piled shoes on the bed.

"Yeah, I'm sorry Alice. Lets have an Edward free day today," I said, instantly regretting it. Was I really turning into one of those people I used to mock? The girls that couldn't bare to be away from their boyfriends for more than a couple of hours? I shook my head trying to erase that thought. I wasn't one of those. _Was __I_?

The morning progressed pretty much how I expected it to. Alice played 'Barbie Bella', asking what I thought of different outfits and then completely disregarding my answer, before moving onto her next idea. She finally decided on a midnight blue, tea length dress. Elegant, not too revealing and just 'me'… _apparently_.

"So..." Alice started, popping a piece of melon in her mouth as we had lunch. "How's things going between you and Edward?"

"Hmm ok" I answered through a bite of my bagel.

"Ok? That all?" she asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Well what do you want to know Alice?" I responded, worrying where this conversation was headed. "Do you really want to know what your twin brother does with his girlfriend, your best friend?"

"Ew no!! I don't want to know the gory details. Just general stuff. You know?" she whined, pretending to stick her fingers down her throat.

"Well there's not really much to say. We just like hanging out together, you know, stuff..." I shrugged as I broke another piece off my bagel, and took a sip of my orange juice, praying that would be enough to stop her questioning.

"Bella, I know where he goes at night. He thinks he's being really clever but I see him sneaking off when he thinks everyone's asleep. No need to be a genius to know where he ends up," Alice replied nonchalantly, causing my cursed blush to give me away immediately and nearly choking me on my juice.

As if on cue my phoned bleeped with a text from Edward.

'_Hope she's not torturing you too much. Miss you. Love – E'_

"That boy really can't stand being away from you for a few hours can he?" Alice chirped, before snatching the phone away from me and replying to the message herself.

"Wh…what did you just text him?"

"Nothing to be concerned with. He won't be back until later. I've told him to stay at Emmett's until this evening," she said, before putting my phone in her pocket.

"Hang on, you know he's gone to Emmett's? Is he in on this whole 'girly day'?" I eyed Alice suspiciously, only to be ignored.

"Well where else would he be going on a Saturday? Apart from yours of course and you're here so that counts that out," she stated, before putting our plates in the dishwasher.

"Yeah, Ok," I mumbled in submission. There really was no point in arguing with Alice most of the time.

"What film do you want to watch?" I called out to Alice, who was busy sorting the microwave popcorn.

"Not fussed. Whatever you want," she called back in a muffled voice. "_Hmm couldn't even wait to get in here before stuffing her face with popcorn" _I laughed quietly to myself, still perusing the vast DVD collection in the lounge. "How about 'Mean Girls'?" I asked, shouting to her without looking.

"No need to shout, I'm not deaf," she piped up right behind me, nearly causing a mild coronary.

"Damn it Alice! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" I chided as I playfully smacked her shoulder.

* * *

We settled down on the couch with a huge bowl of popcorn to watch the film. As much as I loved my classics, 'Mean Girls' had always been one of my guilty pleasures. I'd watched it so many times that it was burned into my memory meaning no need to concentrate. I felt my mind wander, but only as far as Edward.

I'd never felt this way about anyone before. He was my best friend who I used to be able to talk about anything to. Yet right now he was the one person I don't think I could talk to honestly. How could I tell him that I was terrified of being intimate with him, but at the same time couldn't think of anything else? What if I was a disappointment to him? He wasn't a virgin so what if he was expecting something much more than I could give him? I didn't want to end up looking stupid and ruining things between us, but if I kept this to myself I would be running the chance of ruining it anyway.

Glancing over to Alice I knew there was only one person I could possibly broach the subject with. As awkward as it was going to be, she would be the best person.

Steadying my breath I glanced over to her again. "_Bella just get this over and done with..."_ I thought to myself.

"Alice..." I started nervously.

"Uh hmm," was the response through yet more popcorn.

"Ha, have you…erm do you…Do you and Jasper...um… I mean are you and Jasper…" I stuttered.

"Are Jasper and I what?" Alice turned to me giving me her full attention.

"You know, have you… Are you having…"

"Sex?" she cut in.

"Erm yeah, sex," I mumbled sheepishly. What was I? Aged ten and asking my mother about the birds and the bees again? "_Get a grip Bella!"_

"I knew this was coming! Ha-ha oh my sweetest Bella!" she sang, putting the popcorn on the floor and grabbing my hands in hers. "And to answer your question, yes."

"Oh Ok," I replied, shocked at her forwardness concerning hers and Jasper's sex life.

Maybe it was just my family, but sex had never been anything discussed openly and certainly nothing, in my fathers opinion, that I should be doing until my wedding night. I had my first birds and bees talk with my mum aged 10, a few months before she died and that was the end of my sex education until high school. It was horrific enough having my dad take me to the store to buy tampons and towels when I started my period, never mind talking to him about more personal things. Edward and Alice's Mother, Esme, was the closest thing I had to a mother but I knew there was no way I could go to Esme to discuss deflowering her son.

"Bella, you know you can talk to me about anything right?" Alice asked in a sympathetic tone.

"Yes..." I replied, my voice strained.

I don't know if it was embarrassment, the relief of getting it off my chest or the fear of where the conversation was headed, but before I knew it I burst out sobbing into Alice's shoulder. She held onto me as I released all of the tension and worry I had been holding in for the past few weeks. I really _could_ talk to Alice about anything, she really was my _best friend_.

"I'm sorry Alice," I squeaked through broken sobs, my chest heaving. I had no idea how long I held onto her shoulder, I just knew that my eyes were sore and it felt like there was a jack hammer going to work in my brain.

"Shush, no need to apologise," she cooed, brushing my hair out of my eyes and tilting my head so she could look me straight in the eye. Alice was very much like Esme at times. She hada motherly instinct and underneath all of the hyperactive pixie exterior there was a very calming air to her.

Sitting myself upright and trying to take steady breaths, I looked into her eyes; piercing green just like Edwards, and full of concern and confusion.

"Now, are you ready to tell me what this is all about Bella?" she asked, taking my hands into her own once again and rubbing soothing circles into my palms. Yeah, Edward and Alice, two peas in a pod. How did they both know what to do to comfort and calm me?

"I, I don't know… I don't know why that happened..." I stuttered, looking away to avoid her, often far too, perceptive gaze.

"Well it's obviously something to do with you and Edward and with your reaction just now I'm assuming it's something serious," she frowned. "He, he hasn't hurt you has he?!?" she suddenly exclaimed, her eyes wide.

"NO!" I screeched back.

"If he has done anything to you…so help me God!" she snarled, whilst gripping my hands harder to the point of pain.

"No Alice! No, no, no! He hasn't done anything to me at all!" I shouted, holding her hands tight to stop her moving from her spot and castrating her unsuspecting brother. "That's the problem. He hasn't so much as touched me," I sighed, as I moved to the other end of the couch and curled up in a ball, trying to hold in the sobs which were threatening to leave my throat.

"Please Bella. I can't help you if you don't tell me and I can't bear seeing you like this," Alice whispered, as she knelt in front of me on the floor and wiped the fresh tears away from my cheeks.

"I want to take things further but I'm scared…and don't know what the hell to do," I mumbled into the couch cushion, trying to hide my growing embarrassment.

Sensing the awkward silence and tension in the air I realised that I had gone past the point of no return. There was no way on this planet that Alice Cullen was going to let me out of this house alive without a reasonable explanation for my rendition of a manic depressive poodle. I nodded weakly, and pushed myself up into a sitting position straightening my top.

"Please, don't mention any of this to anyone, especially your brother. I seriously can't believe we're going to talk about this…" I sighed.

Crossing her heart with her finger, Alice bounced back onto the couch next to me and placed a reassuring hand on my thigh. I simply looked down at the floor not knowing where to begin. Noticing, Alice fidgeted slightly before turning us towards each other slightly more and looking intently at my face.

"Bella, you asked about whether Jasper and I are sleeping together. Does this mean you want to take it to the next level with Edward?" she asked.

"Uh huh," came my barely audible response.

"Well, I don't really know what the problem is Bella. Have you spoke to Edward about this?" she questioned.

"That's just the point Alice! How can I talk to him about this? How can I tell him that I really want to be with him, in every possible sense of the meaning, but am shit scared about it?!" I shouted, snapping my eyes up to meet hers, my voice an octave hight than usual.

"Bella, don't you think I was scared the first time with Jazz? Hell, I nearly ran from my room in fright the first time I saw his erection!" Alice exclaimed, motioning an impressive length with her hands which couldn't fail but bring a smile to my lips.

"So..." Alice started, whilst picking up the half eaten bowl of popcorn from the floor and throwing some in her mouth. "What exactly have you done with my brother?"

"Huh?"

"Come on, I don't need all the details but a little heads up would be nice so I know what I've got to work with…" she groaned, stuffing yet more popcorn in.

"Well, not much really. We've kissed and stuff…"

"Stuff?"

"Yeah stuff," I shrugged. "You know? Cuddling, sleeping next to each other…" I sighed, suddenly realising how pathetic my 'love life' really sounded.

"You're telling me that Eddie hasn't copped a feel?!" she gasped incredulously.

"Alice!" I screeched, much higher than was actually acceptable and smacked her shoulder in jest.

* * *

Before Alice had time to interrogate me further the front door swung open, and the guys entrance was announced by Emmett's booming laugh.

"I kicked your ass Eddie! Don't even try to deny it," he thundered, before taking Edward in a headlock and ruffling his hair.

"Oh for all that is Holy!" Alice exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. "The peace is shattered. So much for a girly evening."

"Emmett get off me you jackass!" Edward growled, swinging a fist towards Emmett's stomach and twisting his body to free himself, looking flustered and trying to sort out his hair; although there really much point on that. His hair had always been an uncontrollable, but oh so sexy, mess.

"You're lucky Eddie my boy, I've got a hot date with Rose. Later peeps!" he laughed, before marching out the door and jumping in his Jeep.

Rosalie, or Rose as she prefered to be called, was Emmett's girlfriend of three years. Nearly 6ft, blonde hair and legs that appeared to go on forever. Emmett might have been twice her size and built like a house but she definitely wore the pants in that relationship.

Catching my eye, Edward winked and made his way to the kitchen. Just this one look had my stomach doing flips and the heat returning to my cheeks, and in other places below the waist.

"Go and talk to him…" Alice whispered, nudging me in the ribs before getting up and heading towards the stairs. "I've got to get ready and head over to Jasper's". Within a blink of an eye she had disappeared.


	3. Slippery When Wet

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. The are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

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**Chapter 3 – Slippery When Wet**

Getting up, I ran my hand through my hair and took a deep breath to try and relax myself. I could hear the water running in the kitchen and Edward cursing Emmett under his breath. As I got into the kitchen Edward was leaning over the sink having a drink of water.

"Hey gorgeous," he greeted with a trickle of water running down his chin. Oh how I wanted to lick that drip up. "Have a nice day with Al? I hope she didn't wear you out of torture you too much."

"No, it was a nice day. Just chatting and watching a DVD." I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his waist, and snuggled my head into his chest, breathing in his scent. "Glad you're home though," I sighed, leaning my head up to meet his lips.

"Have you been crying?" Edward asked with a frown.

"Yeah the film was sad," I shrugged.

"Mean Girls?"

"Yeah well, Lindsay Lohan's acting always brings me to tears," I laughed. "So, what do you want to do now?" I asked, moving to the sink to get myself a drink of water.

"What do you have in mind?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Mind out of the gutter and my face is up here perv!" I laughed, noticing that Edwards gaze had fallen decidedly below my neckline, throwing the last of my drink at his top. If only he knew the thoughts I was having. If anyone was pervert it was most definitely me.

"BIG mistake Swan," he laughed, holding onto me and grabbing a full glass of water tilting it so drops fell onto my head.

"You wouldn't dare Cullen..."

"Oh wouldn't I?" he joked, before pouring half the water over me.

"Ah! You bastard!" I shrieked as the ice cold water soaked my blouse, making it almost see through and exposing my plain white bra. "This is war!" I screamed, throwing another full glass of water at him.

You would have thought that this action would have been a winning move but not for me. My clumsiness raised it's ugly head and I slipped on the now wet floor, crashing down with Edward falling on top of me. Scratch that, maybe this was a winning move after all.

Looking into his deep emerald green eyes, with my cold hard nipples pressed against his firm chest I felt like my heart was going to explode out of my chest. As close as we were I _needed_ to get closer.

Leaning up I met his lips. A soft, sensual and gentle kiss. Deepening the kiss I opened my mouth allowing Edward full access, earning a moan from deep within his chest. I felt his hand trace their way up my side and cup my left breast lightly, tracing his thumb over my hard nipple. This touch sent bolts of electricity through my body, causing me to shiver. Arching my back trying to get closer, I ran kisses along his jaw line and down his neck as my hands found their way to his hair.

* * *

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and my eyes shot up to see Alice standing at the door with her hands on her hips.

"Don't mind me, I just need to get my purse from over there," she chirped, pointing to the counter behind us before skipping across the kitchen and leaning over us to grab it.

Edward had his head buried in the crook of my neck and his body was rocking from laughter.

"Stop laughing, it's not funny! That was majorly embarrassing," I scolded, trying to stifle my own laughter and pushing against his chest.

"_Way to destroy the moment Alice."_

It was only then I noticed Edwards hard erection pressing into my inner thigh, which cause my face to flush and sent butterflies to my stomach; my breath catching in my throat. Looking into Edwards eyes I could see how intense he was feeling, and was breathing heavily causing his breath to cascade over my face. As if snapping out of a trance his eyes looked away and his weight on my body shifted.

"Lets get you out of those wet clothes," Edward said, jumping up and pulling me off the floor before throwing me over his shoulder and heading to the stairs.

"Put me down you jerk!" I shouted through mild hysterics, at which point Edward took the opportunity to smack me on the rear. My eyes took in the sight of his tight ass which was just below my head and all was forgiven, for now.

Before I knew it we had reached his room and I was thrown onto the middle of his oversized bed. Edwards room was decorated in black and white with a whole wall dedicated to his CD and DVD collection, with a wide screen plasma attached to the wall amongst them. The large window on the other wall let in streams of moonlight reflecting off all surfaces.

"I could walk you know," I huffed "Believe it or not, I do know my way around here and wouldn't have got lost."

"Maybe it was more for my benefit," he smirked, as he rummaged through his closet for some dry clothes and pulled his t shirt off over his head.

I'd lost count the amount of times I'd seen Edwards bare chest over the years, but it never failed to impress me. Toned, but not over muscly with fine downy hair over his pecks, and that lick-able happy trail down from his navel.

"Quit staring and get those wet clothes off before before you catch pneumonia," he said without looking at me.

"I wasn't staring," I protested as I got up from the bed, and came up behind him snuggling into his back. "Anyway, I don't have anything to change into," I teased, before I smacked his ass and walked over to his dresser containing his t shirts and boxers.

I grabbed his old billabong shirt, one of my faves, and a pair of boxers before going into his bathroom to change. I was soaked through, even my underwear hadn't escaped unscathed.

"I'll put your wet clothes through the wash for you if you like," Edward shouted from the other side of the door.

"Thanks, I won't be a minute," I replied, as I inspected my ensemble in the mirror. The shirt was far too big, and the boxers hung low on my waist making me look like a toddler playing dress up. _"Oh well it will do,"_ I thought to myself. _"Edward's seen me in worse anyway..." _

I grabbed my wet clothes and opened the door to leave the bathroom. "I've got my we..." I started, before taking in the scene before me. Edward was facing away from me pulling his clean, dry boxers up offering me a perfect view of his ass. _"Like two eggs in a handkerchief,"_ I thought to myself amused.

Edward span around noticing my intrusive stare. "Oh no you don't! If I'm not allowed to see your goods you're certainly not seeing mine," he mocked, trying to cover his chest and groin with his hands.

"Throw me your wet stuff and I'll put it all in the washing machine and dryer," I replied dryly, not rising to him at which point I was hit directly in the face by a pair of Edwards wet boxers. "Oh nice! Just what I want. A pair of my boyfriends crusties in my face," I moaned on my way out of his room.

* * *

At I returned from the laundry room Edward was sprawled out on the bed, in a pair of boxers and wife beater with a film starting. I crawled up on the bed and snuggled next to him kissing him on the forehead.

"What are we watching?" I asked, resting my head on his chest.

"I thought Dirty Dancing and then maybe we could re-enact some of the scenes," he laughed.

Any other male I knew would stay away from chick flicks and would only ever watch Dirty Dancing under protest. Not Edward though. Chick flicks were his guilty pleasure but it was only something between us. Nobody else knew this and I'm sure that if Emmett ever found out he would use it against Edward for the next 40 years.

"Sounds good to me," I sighed, snuggling down more and pulling the throw from the end of the bed over us. It was these moments that I treasured most. Perfect comfort with the man I loved more than anything. I really was at home in his arms.

"_Nobody puts baby in the corner..."_ Edward murmured, as he mimicked the scene in the film and bent over to kiss me passionately. My knee was draped over his hip and as the kiss deepened I noticed a familiar protrusion pressing against the inside of it.

"Hmm," Edward moaned, pulling me on top of him; his left hand tracing circles into my lower back whilst his right tangled into my hair.

"It's getting late," I mumbled between kisses.

"Stay here. Tell Charlie you're staying with Alice," Edward whispered, kissing the side of my neck and his hand making it's way down to cup my ass.

Sitting up, I straddled his hips and reached over for the phone next to his bed. Feeling him pressed against me so intimately for the first time was like nothing I'd ever felt before, and I found it extremely hard to concentrate on the task at hand.

"Hey Char, erm, Dad. I know it's late but I've decided to stay with Alice tonight. Hope you don't _mind..._" Just him shifting position caused unbearable friction, making me squeak. A mischievous look appeared on Edward's face upon seeing my reaction. "Yeah well I don't have my truck here so Alice would have to drop me home and I don't want her _driving..." _He moved his hips again with a smirk on his face, causing yet another yelp to escape my lips. I put my hand over his mouth and held his head down against the pillow. "Yeah I'm_ fine _Dad, just Alice messing around with me." I glared down at Edward who just winked back. "I'll be back tomorrow _morning_ sometime," I rushed, before slamming the phone down and turning beetroot red.

"You're evil!" I gasped, as Edward's hands moved to my side and proceeded to tickle me.

"Yeah but that's just another reason to love me." He winked, before he rolled us over and pinned me underneath his body with him resting between my legs. The proximity of his body against mine made my heart hammer and my mind race.

"I, I erm need to use the bathroom," I stammered, pushing Edward off me, and scurrying from the room to the relative safety of the bathroom where I could recollect my thoughts.

* * *

Splashing cold water on my hot face with shaking hands, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. _"What are you doing Bella? This is what you want you fucking idiot,"_ I chastised myself silently. Feeling foolish I slid down the wall to sit on the cold floor, a silent sob leaving my body.

"Bella, are you Ok?" I could hear Edward's concern from behind the door.

"I'm f-fine" I stammered, trying to keep my voice calm and even. "I just needed to pee."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I replied standing up and straightening myself out. I checked that my eyes weren't too red and opened the door to a worried Edward, who immediately caught me in a warm embrace kissing the top of my head.

"Is it because of what just happened? Did I take it too far?" He asked worried, as he sat me down next to him on the edge of the bed with his arms wrapped around me.

"I'm just being silly, that's all." I tried to reassure him resting my head on his shoulder. One look at him told me I'd failed miserably at that though.

"Bella, please tell me..." he said, putting his hand under my chin to tilt my head to look him in the eye. I knew I was doomed as soon as he did that.

"It's, it's just that I've never done _it_ before. In fact the _only_ stuff I've done is with you and I don't want to disappoint you. I know _you've_ done it before..." I rambled, before being interrupted by Edward's finger being placed on my lips to stop me.

"I've done it before have I?" he asked, looking confused.

"Yeah, Lauren Mallory. She told me that you'd slept together a couple of years ago."

"Oh did she?"

"Yeah."

"Well she's full of crap. I wouldn't touch that whore with a shitty stick. God knows what diseases she's got!" he spat, looking completely offended that I had believed what she'd told me.

"Well she seemed to know your anatomy rather well and went into great detail..." I began.

"And how would you know she was telling the truth?" he asked. "Have you seen my cock personally to inspect and compare with what she told you?"

"Well no....but," I shrugged.

"Exactly. I see that there's only way to prove it to you..." he began as he stood in front of me; his thumbs tucked into the sides of his boxers beginning to pull them down.

"I believe you, I believe you," I giggled, as I grabbed his hands and pulled him towards me, planting a kiss on his pouting lips and scooting back towards the headboard. Edward rested his head on my chest so I could stroke his hair.

"I can't believe you thought that I'd done Mallory," he chuckled, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer to him. "Bella, I've never been with anyone."

"Edward, you know I love you right?" I asked, snuggling down so I was lying face to face with him.

"Of course, and I love you, more than you know," he replied, brushing my hair out of my face.

"I do wa...want you...to be my first but can we take things slowly?" I asked, avoiding eye contact.

"We can take things as slow as you like. We have all the time in the world," he cooed, placing a tender kiss on my lips and holding me tighter.

And there it was. All the tension and worry gone. What the fuck had I been so terrified of? It was just Edward, _my_ Edward.


	4. Breakfast In Bed

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. The are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 4 – Breakfast In Bed**

The early morning sun shone through the large, full length windows casting a golden glow throughout the room, and the birds could be heard singing their merry songs in the trees of the woodland, better known as the Cullen's backyard.

Edward was still asleep on his back snoring lightly, I curled up against his side and rested my head on his chest. I could have laid all day listening to his even breathing and steady heartbeat running, my hands over his stomach. Leaning over I planted a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Well that's a better wake up than yesterday," Edward mumbled, still half asleep. He dragged me on top of him, kissing me hard and catching me off guard and making me snort and squeal like a pig.

"Oh that's attractive..." he snorted, kissing my throat "Sharing my bed with a farm animal. You know, I might have to reconsider this relationship, I'm not into beastiality."

"Shut up," I said, as I hit him lightly on his chest. "At least I don't smell like a farm animal _Mr Garlic Farts_!" I joked as I crashed my mouth to his once more, earning a moan from the depths of his chest, as his hands moved down to cup my ass, bringing my stomach firm against his straining erection.

Whether it was the heady morning sun, or the knowledge that Lauren Mallory hadn't defiled my boyfriend, I didn't know, but I suddenly had a rush of confidence and snaked my hand down his abdomen, resting at the waistband of his boxers before seeking out my desired destination. Sensing my new-found boldness Edward gasped in anticipation and stared intently into my eyes to reassure me.

Just as my fingers dipped under the elastic and brushed the head of his penis my old insecurities reared their ugly head.

"I, I don't know what to do..." I whispered, feeling naïve and ashamed.

"Just do what feels right..." Edward reassured, placing his hand over mine.

I'd never seen an erect penis, well apart from in a purely educational sense, before let alone touched one, so I had no clue what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised though. It was hotter than I anticipated and hard yet surprisingly smooth.

As soon as my shaking hand made contact with the shaft my heart jumped. It was _huge_ and my fingers struggled to go all around the girth. There was no way on this fucking planet that it was going to fit inside me!

I rolled onto my side and leaned against Edward to give myself easier access never breaking contact.

Directing my hand with his, he slowly moved us up and down his entire length. At this motion his head fell back and he hissed through his teeth.

Once I found a steady rhythm, Edward's hand left mine and delicately wandered up my ribs, brushing against the side of my breast before exploring further and gently kneading. His thumb rubbed gently over my nipple which caused my back to arch, my hand gripped tighter onto his cock . He gasped and took hold of my wrist.

"Not too hard darling," he whispered.

"Oops, sorry." I laughed, as I kissed him again and running my tongue over his lower lip and sucking gently, before moving my hand back to it's original task.

My hand found it's target and I experimented with speed and technique, while studying his face to see what appeared to have the best reaction. I rubbed my thumb lightly over the tip when stroking upwards, which I was rewarded with a deep moan.

"_Note to self, rubbing the head works"_

"Oh my fucking God! Bella you're amazing!" Edward grunted, through gritted teeth as he held me tighter to his body with his arm around my back; his free hand slipped under my t shirt to massage my breasts again. He periodically squeezed my nipple, causing me to squeak with a mixture of shock and delight.

I could feel a heavy throbbing feeling in between my legs, and I knew that my underwear was getting more than a little damp.

"Mm mm," I moaned as Edward starting kissing my exposed neck, and my head fell backwards. I'd never felt anything like this before. I just knew that I needed more. My mouth started to explore Edward's again, his response was demanding but still gentle.

* * *

"Happy Birthday Bel...Oh. My. Fucking. God!" Alice screamed from the doorway.

Both our eyes snapped open to see Alice standing at the door with her mouth agape.

"Don't you ever fucking knock?!" Edward screeched, sitting up taking my hand from his erection and tucking himself back into his boxers. I had completely forgotten I was still holding onto it. Feeling utterly mortified, my face was on fire as I curled into a ball and tried to hide my head under Edwards arm.

"I'm really, really sorry Edward..." Alice rambled. "I just thought it would be nice to surprise Bella with a birthday breakfast in bed. How was I to know she was having you as an entrée?" she said, still standing in exactly the same spot with the tray in her hand, staring at the scene unfolding in front of her. Edward pulled the covers over us to conceal his still prominent erection, as if Alice hadn't already seen everything he had to offer.

Taking a deep breath I pulled myself from Edward and looked at Alice. "Thank you Alice, that was a really sweet thought." She was as red as a beetroot and looking uncomfortably at the ceiling.

"Mom's on her way up so you should sort yourselves out quickly," she mumbled, putting the tray containing fruit, waffles and juice down on the bed and walking out of the room.

"Oh my God!" I cried into Edwards chest once Alice had disappeared. "How am I ever going to look her in the face again?"

"I suppose we should be grateful that it was her and not my Mum or Dad..." Edward chuckled kissing me on the forehead.

I couldn't help but laugh also. Above all times for Alice to want to 'surprise' me.

"I suppose I should sort myself out before any more of your family decide to make an appearance," I said, as I rolled away from Edward and slipped out of bed making my way to the bathroom with Edward following closely behind.

As I turned to close the bathroom door he was standing there looking at me with a grin on his face.

"Fancy a hand?" he asked, before kissing me quickly and pulling me into his embrace.

"Don't you think we've given enough of a show already this morning? The last thing we need is one of your parents walking into the bathroom with us in here together," I said, pushing him away from me slightly.

"I've locked the bedroom door and I'll be good. Scouts honour," he promised, making the salute. "No funny business, cross my heart."

"I know you were never in the scouts so that promise is already null and void," I joked, poking him in the chest lightly with my finger.

Sighing and rolling my eyes, I moved to the side to allow him into the bathroom where he immediately turned the shower on.

He turned around to face me and pulled me close holding onto my waist. I put my arms around his neck and kissed the underside of his jaw making my way up towards his ear and nibbling on the lobe. "I love you Edward Anthony Cullen," I breathed into his ear making his breath hitch.

"You're getting mushy in your old age. Yesterday you told me to fuck off when I tried to stay in the bathroom with you," he laughed, running his finger down from my neck and stopping just above the valley between my breasts.

"Well let's just say a lot can happen in twenty four hours. And you can thank your sister for making me see some sense," I said, kissing him gently on the lips again.

"Oh really? Alice?" he asked, with an amused expression on his face.

"Yeah and knowing that Lauren Mallory was bullshitting also helped a lot," I laughed, running my hands down his back and gripping the hem of his vest and lifting it up over his head. Edward took it from my hands and threw it into the corner of the room.

Having his exposed chest right in front of my face was too much to resist. I had to taste it. Running my hands across his toned pecks and down the middle of his abdomen, Edward drew in a sharp breath and closed his eyes. I brushed my lips across his chest breathing my warm breath over it before kissing his pecks, teasing with my tongue and sucking lightly on his nipple causing him to shiver.

Edward dropped his head down so his mouth was next to my ear. I could hear his ragged breathing causing a bolt of excitement to surge through my body. "I love you Isabella Marie Swan," he breathed into my ear, mimicking what I had done to him and pulled the hem of my shirt up to expose my stomach. The feeling of his bare stomach against mine only increased my arousal causing me to groan into his mouth.

Stepping back he pulled the shirt up higher so it was just resting below my breasts. Suddenly feeling exposed I held his hands to stop him and looked into his eyes.

"Bella, you're beautiful," he soothed, before kissing my stomach, moving up towards my sternum.

He stood up and looked directly into my eyes as he lifted it further exposing my breasts fully, only breaking eye contact as the shirt came over my head, immediately holding me in a close embrace. The feel of his warm naked chest against mine was more comforting than I could have ever imagined. It felt like the most natural thing in the world and I could have stayed like that for eternity.

"We should think about having a shower," Edward whispered into my hair, breaking me from my thoughts and moving away slightly. I hadn't noticed that the bathroom was completely full of steam. "I'm sure we have a bit of an audience waiting downstairs."

* * *

Sighing, I moved away and covered my chest with my arm as Edward walked towards the shower pulling his boxers down. I couldn't help but stare at his exposed body in it's entirety. It was more magnificent that I had previously imagined. With him standing letting the hot water cascade over him he looked like an Adonis and I couldn't avoid the butterflies that invaded my stomach.

"Are you going to join me?" he asked, reaching a hand out around the glass divider.

I tentatively began to lower the boxers I was wearing with one hand, as the other remained securely in place over my chest.

Sensing my anxiety and seeing nervousness in my eyes, Edward stepped towards me and took both of my hands in his.

"You have nothing to be worried about sweetheart, your body is gorgeous," he reassured, guiding me towards him and under the water. He turned me around, with my back against his chest laid kissed across the back on my neck.

I leaned back into his body and rested my head against his shoulder, he kissed the side of my neck gently causing a moan to escape my chest and arch my back; my ass made contact with his hardening erection.

"Let me wash you," he whispered into my ear, as he leaned to grab the sponge and body wash.

"Only if I can return the favour."

We washed each other in turn, exploring each others bodies and breaking down boundaries that I had terrified of. Paying special attention to my breasts Edward covered them in soap and kissed them, not in an aggressive way or any way that would have led to more. He simply appreciated my body, making it the most erotic experience of my life. In return I washed him and laid kisses across his chest running my hands down his back and over his ass.

Even with being naked together we didn't need to touch each other any more intimately. This was the _true_ expression of our love. Being completely comfortable with each other and exploring our bodies together.

"Happy Birthday my love," Edward murmured into my ear and kissed me on the side of the neck.

Once we were both clean we decided that it was time to face the family, Alice in particular. Stepping out of the shower Edward wrapped a towel around his waist and helped me out, before wrapping me up in a huge fluffy white towel.

"That was the best shower I've ever had," he mumbled into my neck as he ran his hands down my back over the towel.

"I've had better..." I giggled as I twisted out of his grasp and ran into the bedroom with him following after me.

"Oh really?" he smirked, raising one eyebrow and tickling my sides

"No! No! Not really!!" I screamed, trying to bat his hands away. "Get off me and put some clothes on. I'm sure Alice doesn't want to see little Eddie again."

"Not so much of the little if you don't mind..." he moaned, feigning hurt.

Edward made short work of getting dried and dressed. He wore a fitted grey t shirt with a pair of black jeans which hugged him in all the right places.

As I was sitting on his bed drying my hair I had a panicked thought. "I've got no clothes to put on...they're all in the wash from yesterday,."

"Don't worry I'll go and find them. I'm sure they've been washed and dried by now," he said, heading out of the door to the laundry room.

No sooner had he left, he returned with a pile of freshly ironed, clean clothes for me. "Mom did them for you this morning after Alice told her about the water fight yesterday. She assumed you'd be needing them today," he said, handing them to me.

"Oh she didn't need to do that, especially my underwear," I exclaimed, looking at my panties feeling rather embarrassed that Esme had obviously ironed them also. "I'll have to thank her as soon as I see her."

I quickly got dressed and decided it was time for us to face the music downstairs. Grabbing Edward's hand I began what felt like the long walk of the damned. A lamb being led to a pack of waiting lions.


	5. The Lions Den

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. The are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 5 – The Lions Den**

As I slowly made my way down the elegant staircase I sucked in a deep breath to try and calm myself.

"_Calm down Bella, there's nothing to worry about...Yeah nothing to worry about. You were just caught by your best friend giving your boyfriend, her twin brother a hand job!"_ I groaned out load loud, scrunching my eyes shut in a vain attempt to wish it all away.

"Come on Bella, they're all waiting," Edward whispered as he gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "I know you don't like Birthdays, but it's only one day and then things will get back to normal."

"It's not the birthday that's bothering me. It's the fact that your sister walked in on me with my hand on your dick this morning!" I screeched, slightly louder than intended resulting in a booming laugh coming from just blow us.

"Oh fuck!"

"Yeah tell me about it Eddie boy!" I growled "Let the fun and games begin, I hope you're not too attached to your balls." I took one final deep, clearing breath and finished the descent of doom.

"_Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."_ The singing began as I took in the scene in front of me. Everyone was there. Alice, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett...and my dad.

"Dad, what are you doing here?" I asked as I rushed to him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Can't I greet my daughter on the morning of her birthday? It's not every day that my little girl turns 18 you know," he replied, squeezing tighter and placing a quick kiss on my cheek.

I looked over his shoulder, Alice was standing off to the side looking extremely uncomfortable and flushed. She caught my gaze and responded with a weak smile as she turned to Jasper and whispered in his ear before leaving the room. I then came eye to eye with Emmett who was practically purple with glee. _"Oh this is going to be interesting,"_ I thought to myself, glaring at him.

"She may not be a lady but she's all woman!" he boomed through a fit of laughter, rubbing his hands together which earned him a well timed smack across the head from Rose. "Ow Rosie! Those nails come sharp!" he moaned, rubbing the back of his scalp.

"Esme called me last night inviting me over this morning," Charlie said, releasing the hug.

"As you were staying over with Alice and Edward I just thought it would be nice to have everyone together this morning," Esme explained as she came over and embraced me in a hug.

"Well not quite everyone..." I sighed sadly.

"I know sweetheart. Your Mom would be so proud of you right now," she cried softly, rubbing my back lightly as I fought to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.

* * *

Renee, my mom, died when I was 10. She was hit by a drunk driver on her way home from work. Alice, Edward and I were all having a sleep over when Esme came into the room to tell me that something awful had happened and I needed to go to the hospital with her. I could still recall the smell of the new car on that drive, sitting in the back between Edward and Alice, knowing that something horrible was happening but not wanting to think about it. I wasn't going to see my Mom, I was going to say goodbye to her.

Charlie was talking to Carlisle in the corridor as we entered the hospital. Carlisle, Edward and Alice's father, was an ER doctor and on shift when the Trauma Alert came in. He was the one to treat mom as she came into the department.

"_Charlie, she has a severe head injury and a nasty base of skull fracture. I'm afraid it's inoperable and we can't stop the swelling in her brain. It will just increase over the next few hours. She won't feel any pain. I suggest it's time for everyone to say goodbye while she's still conscious. She doesn't have long" _

We all took it in turn to say our final farewells. Dad sat away from everyone with his head in his hands, too wrapped up in his own grief to help me. As it was my turn Esme took my by the hand. Mom looked so frail in the bed with all the machines around her furiously beeping away, and I could see some dried blood trailing down from her ear. Her left eye was also bruised, bloody and swollen shut _"She's just asleep,"_ I kept telling myself as I approached. She had her eyes closed, so what else could it be? I sat down beside the bed and went to hold her hand but stopped and put it back into my lap not knowing what to do.

"_Sweetheart, you can touch her. You won't hurt hurt her,"_ Esme whispered into my ear as she knelt on the floor next to me, holding me close against her body. I held my mom's hand. It was still warm. Surely if someone was dead or dying they'd cold? That must have meat she wasn't.

"_She's warm."_

"_Bella...."_ my mom's weak voice croaked out. _"I'll always love you darling and I'll never be far away."_

I thought my heart was going to stop. I'd never felt physical pain like that before. My heart actually felt as thought it was breaking in two. _"I love you Mommy."_

"Esme..." Mom directed her eyes to her best friend, who was holding onto me as I sobbed into her shoulder. _"Please look after my baby."_

"_Of course I will Renee..."_ she said through sobs.

Esme did indeed keep her promise. Although she could never replace my mom, and she would never even try to, she was the best next thing. I was treated like another daughter. The following years were difficult for my dad and he ploughed all of his energies into work. It was the only way he knew how to cope. I shudder to think of what become would have become of me if it wasn't for Esme and the rest of the Cullens.

* * *

"Present time!" Emmett bellowed, wrenching me from my memories.

"Not without me you don't!" Alice shouted, suddenly flying through the door from the dining room

"Guys, you seriously don't..." I started as I wiped the tears from my cheeks, before being abruptly stopped by Alice's hand being put up to my mouth

"Nonsense. Isabella, it's your 18th birthday so please just relax and enjoy it," she said, looking at me with pleading eyes but not removing her hand from my mouth.

"Mm hmm" I mumbled through her hand, as Edward led me to the couch and settled me into his lap.

I sat for what seemed like hours opening a whole array of presents from everyone. The room was filled with laughter and paper strewn everywhere. _"Maybe this birthday wasn't going to be too bad after all"_ I mused to myself, as Edward brushed my hair to the side and turned my head to look at him.

"I know you don't like gifts, especially expensive ones..." he said pulling out a small box wrapped with an elegant bow. "Please don't be pissed," he whispered, as he placed the blue box in my hand.

"Edwar..."

"Just open it."

I gently pulled the ribbon off and opened the the box. Inside was a fine platinum chain with a tear-drop shaped pendant in which a stunning diamond was set.

"Edward it's beautiful!" I exclaimed, as I took in the beauty of the gift he had bought me and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I thought you could wear with your dress tonight," he said, turning me around and moving my hair to the side so he could put the necklace on. Once it was fastened he placed a tender kiss on the back of my neck, making my stomach do flips and have me fighting the urge to take him there and then on the couch with the family watching.

"Bell's, I'm sorry, I've gotta head off for a bit. Some hikers were attacked in the woods last night and I've got to sort it all out," dad said as he approached and knelt down in front of me. Edward decided to shift his hips slightly right on cue and I was met with his obvious erection pressing at my most intimate area through our clothes.

"No worries D-d-d-ad," I stuttered, trying to remain calm. In return he just frowned and looked at me as if I was mad.

"Right, well I'll see you later this evening before your party," he said as he rose slightly and kissed me on the cheek, before standing and making a hasty exit.

"_Omg, omg, omg!"_ my mind screamed as my dad kissed me goodbye. It was wrong on so many levels to have my fathers lips in contact with my cheek while my boyfriends boner was making contact with somewhere else.

"You complete and utter bastard!" I squealed, as I turned to look Edward in the face. I was just met with a shit eating grin. "How can you do that to me...again?!" I hissed, smacking him on the chest.

"I'm sorry Bella, I was funny though." He winked. "Come on, let's get some breakfast. I'm sure you'll need all the energy you can muster for today with what Alice has planned." He laughed, scooting me off his lap and taking my hand to direct me to the dining room where everyone was settling down and helping themselves to food.

* * *

Settling down next to Edward, I served myself some breakfast and tried to ignore Emmett sitting opposite me with a grin spread across his face, undoubtedly trying to hold in his next jibe

"So kids, what are your plans for today?" Carlisle asked, leaning against the door frame in his suit, ready for his shift at the hospital.

"I don't know," Edward replied through a mouthful of toast. "It should be Bella's choice anyway as it's her day." Edward's hand rested on my thigh and slowly slid up until it was just below my groin, giving it a gentle squeeze making me choke on my juice.

"I, I don't know..." I spluttered.

"Well whatever you do, just please try not to destroy the house before tonight," Esme interrupted, as she collected the empty plates from the table and disappeared into the kitchen with Carlisle following closely behind. "I've got some errands to run today so I'll be gone for a few hours and your father won't be home from work until late."

Emmett leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms out in front clasped together making his knuckles crack. "How about we play cards? I hear Bella's got a great five knuckle shuffle," he laughed, as he winked at me causing me to blush furiously.

"Oh, you think that's funny do you?" I sneered before calling out to Esme. "Esme...did you ever find out how the kitchen table got broken?"

"Don't...shut the fuck up!!" Emmett hissed, flinging himself towards me across the table trying to cover my mouth with his hands. Before he could get near me, Rose grabbed his belt and pulled him backwards looking flustered.

"Two can play at that game buddy," I laughed, feeling incredibly smug and popping a piece of melon into my mouth.

"Anywaaaaaay..." Alice coughed. "Bella you need to go home so I can prepare the house for tonight and you can get ready. I'll be over around 3:30pm to sort you out."

"I'll come with you," Edward offered, as he stood up to lead me out of the room.

"Oh no you don't mister!" Alice sang, waving her finger in the air towards him. "There is no way you're getting out of helping with this. I'm sure Bella can survive without you for a few hours. Now say your goodbyes because we have work to be done."

Before I knew what had happened, I was handed my coat and bag and ushered out of the house towards Jaspers car so he could drop me home.

"Alice...please don't make it too extravagant. Just a simple party with a few close friends is all that's needed..." I pleaded, before the door was shut in my face and I could hear squeals of glee coming from the other side.


	6. Preparation and Intrepidation

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. The are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 6 – Preparation and Intrepidation**

Opening the front door I stepped in to be met with the usual pile of junk mail. I couldn't remember the last time I'd received a proper letter, it was all emails now. I picked up the bundle and casually flipped through it as I wandered towards the kitchen _"junk, bill, bill, more junk, another bill..." _The kitchen was in it's usual disarray with Charlie's work boots on the table and last nights pizza box on the counter.

"I wonder if the boys down the station know you're such a pig Charlie," I mumbled to myself, as I set about clearing up and wiping down the surfaces.

I glanced at the clock which showed just before noon. A whole three and a half hours before Alice would arrive. My stomach growled but food was the last thought on my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about what happened this morning and what Edward and I had done. The memory of his hands on my naked body and the new found intimacy made my stomach lurch, my heart thunder against my ribs and the all too familiar heat to reappear between my legs.

"_Must think of something else"_ I chanted to myself as I wondered around the empty house. If I didn't occupy my hands_ fast_ I would do myself a mischief, and the last thing I wanted was for more of _those_ thoughts of Edward invading my day.

Seeing my old battered copy of 'Wuthering Heights' I grabbed it and settled myself on the couch. I'd lost count of the amount of times I'd read it but I was sure it was in double digits now.

* * *

"Bella! Bella!! Wake the hell up," Alice screamed whilst banging furiously on the window.

"Wh...what the fuck!" I screamed back, jumping up too fast and falling over, cracking my elbow on the floor. "Ow! _Motherfucking_ feet!" I cursed as I tried to crawl back to the couch and use it pull myself up, before making my way to the door still in a daze.

"I have been waiting outside for 15 minutes Isabella! It's raining as well and my hair's going to be frizzy!" Alice huffed, as she pushed her way through the door. "Time is precious today, so much to do and so little time," she muttered, looking me up and down as if I was a piece of meat.

"Sorry, I must have fallen asleep," I apologised sheepishly.

"No shit Sherlock, now get your ass upstairs and in the shower so the make over can begin," she ordered as she ran up the stairs with me following sluggishly behind. "And I've no idea what I'm going to do with the birds nest on your head! I mean, seriously, did you nap in a hedge!"

"Oh great, let the game of 'Barbie Bella' begin," I whined, only to be completely ignored by Alice.

As I walked back into my room from the bathroom wearing just a towel, I was greeted with the sight of Alice's ass in the air as she rummaged through the bottom drawer of my dresser.

"Alice, what are you doing?"

"Bella do you have any underwear that matches or doesn't have holes in it?" She sighed, holding up a pair of off-white panties and an old bra.

"It's all in the wash...and those are my period pants_," _I replied dryly, pointing to the shameful garments she was swinging around her finger.

"Ew!! No!!" She screamed, throwing them at me before furiously wiping her hands on a towel.

"Serves you right for rifling through my stuff," I smirked as I sat down on the edge of my bed. "My fancy underwear is in my closet on the second shelf under my jeans, although I really don't see why it matters so much. It's not like I'm going to flashing my underwear to people tonight."

The following three hours went pretty much how I expected. I wasn't involved in the process. My only job was to sit and let Alice work her _'magic'_ on me. Plucking, primping, painting, pouting, curling, and breathing in so much powder I was sure I'd just guaranteed myself lung cancer in the future.

"Right, strip!" Alice ordered, holding out a set of midnight blue lace bra and boy short set to which, I, in response looked at her in horror. "Oh _puhlease_! Don't even try to pull the old shy card after what I had to witness this morning! It's burned into my brain and I'll probably need therapy in a few years!" she laughed, pulling the towel away from my body and turning around to admire the dress hanging on the door of my closet.

I inspected my reflection in the full length mirror and as much as I hated to admit it, Alice really had done a great job. My hair was curled to within an inch of it's life and fell loosely around my shoulders. My make up was applied lightly with the emphasis on my eyes really bringing out their chocolate brown colour, and it was finished with a light application of lip gloss. The dress fit perfectly and hugged me in all the right places. Not too much cleavage or thigh exposed, just the way I liked it.

"Bella, you look stunning. My brother really is a lucky boy," Alice gushed, grabbing my hands and gazing into my eyes. "Come, on. It's time to party."

* * *

As we arrived at the Cullen's I was completely lost for words. The driveway was lined with white fairy lights and all the trees were adorned with similar lights twinkling in the dark. It looked like something from a fairytale and I was the princess...arriving in a Porsche rather than carriage.

"Alice, it's beautiful," I gasped, my mouth agape.

"Wait until you see inside," she beamed, as we approached the front of the house.

As we reached the house I could see Edward leaning causally against the door frame. Dressed in a tuxedo he looked every inch the Prince Charming... the Prince Charming I wanted to violate in every perceivable way. _"Dirty Bella!"_ I scolded myself silently. "_Elegance, poise,"_ I chanted, as my eyes made their way to his crotch lingering longer than necessary. Before I had chance to gather my thoughts Edward had opened my door and was offering his hand to help me out.

"Eyes on the prize Swan," he whispered into my ear, obviously noticing my ogling.

"That's exactly what I was doing..." I mumbled, standing up and teetering on the ridiculous heels I was wearing.

Pulling me into a tight embrace Edward kissed my neck, a low groan erupting from his chest. "Bella, my love, you look stunning," he breathed into my ear, causing my heart to thump and sending shivers down my spine. I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my mouth to his.

"Ahem," Alice coughed behind me. "If you think I'm going to spend three hours on your make up for you to smudge it before you even get in the house you're sadly mistaken!" She was not budging, standing with her arms across her chest and tapping her foot impatiently. "Your audience awaits..."

If the driveway decorations had left me speechless, then the interior most definitely knocked me sideways. Silver fairy lights hung from every surface and everything was silver and midnight blue to match my outfit. The enormous lounge had been converted into a dance floor with a DJ in the corner, and the dining room had the most fantastic buffet laid out with a huge chocolate fountain as the center-piece.

"Happy Birthday Bells." Charlie greeted me wearing a smart suit holding out a glass of champagne.

"_Police Chief Swan, encouraging under-age drinking with your own daughter?"_ I laughed to myself as I took the flute from him and took a sip, the bubbles going up my nose making me sneeze and spill some of it on floor.

"Happy Birthday sweetheart," Esme greeted, kissing me and hugging me tightly. "I hope you don't mind, but we thought we'd have a little family only time early on before everyone else got here."

"N-n-n-no, this is perfect," I stammered, looking around at everyone dearest to me through tears. Everyone had made such an effort. I would never have expected something like this. Scratch that, this is exactly what I would have expected with Alice organising things. It still didn't cease to amaze me though

"Dude! Is that a keg in the kitchen?!" Emmett bellowed, walking out of the lounge.

"Yes it is," my father said gruffly. "We've provided you with alcohol but we expect you to be sensible. It's not a license to to get drunk and run amok. If we hear anything of you causing trouble or have to deal with any of your little friends down at the station there will be hell to pay. Do you understand me?"

"Yes sir" Emmett saluted.

"Right, before we go I just want us all to raise a toast to one of the most generous, beautiful and selfless people I have the privilege to call a daughter," Charlie announced, raising his glass. "I can honestly say I'm proud of the woman you have become. Of course I can't take all the credit though. Esme, Carlisle, I want to take this opportunity to thank you for all the support you have given Bells and myself over the past eight years. You're more than friends, you're family to us."

"Charlie, you don't need to thank us," Esme said, her voice shaking and a tear running down her cheek.

"To Bella," Carlisle announced, raising his flute.

"To Bella," everyone chimed at once in response.

"Right kids, we're out for the night. Edward, Alice, your Mother and I are staying at Charlie's tonight, but will be home early tomorrow afternoon. Be good and if you can't be good, be careful," Carlisle warned, as he held Esme gently around the waist and left with Charlie.

Edward had wrapped his arms around me and traced lazy patterns into my stomach, his chest was pressed up against my back with his chin resting on my shoulder. "I, I still can't believe..." I choked out.

"Don't you dare cry Swan!" Alice warned, pointing her finger at me. "I'm not having everyone arrive to be greeted by you doing your best impression of a panda!"

"Woo hoo! Let the party begin!" Emmett boomed, holding his hands out with a beer in each one and instructing the DJ to start. The whole house erupted with the thunderous bass as I made my way into the kitchen to grab myself a drink.

* * *

I could hear commotion coming from the hallway, and as I went to investigate, streams of people started to flood through the doorway.

"Bella!" Angela, my close friend from school shouted as she saw me, wrapping her arms around me and spinning me around. "Happy Birthday! This place looks amazing."

"It's all Alice," I mumbled, before being grabbed by countless arms and exchanging the usual pleasantries.

That was one of the reasons I was dreading such a party. I hated being the center of attention and it was completely unavoidable tonight. I just prayed that the novelty would wear off sharpish and people would enjoy the party, leaving me alone to enjoy it in my own way. It's not that I was ungrateful or anything, this was amazing but the type of social situation I had never been comfortable with.

As if sensing my anguish Edward appeared, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and whisking me away from the madding crowd. "Lets mingle."

"I need to pee," I said excusing myself, and heading to the nearest bathroom. Whenever I was nervous I always needed to pee. Something made me think I would be spending a lot of time in the bathroom tonight...

As I finished my 'human moment' I stood in front of the mirror washing my hands, staring at my reflection when someone knocked on the door. "It's occupied," I shouted, but the knocking persisted. "I said, it's occupied! You'll have to wait a minute." Surely that would give whoever it was the idea that they'd have to have some patience, but no, the knocking continued. I huffed and stomped towards the door and threw it open to speak my mind to whoever it was who felt the need to irritate me like that, only to be pushed backwards by someone in a dark suit and a hand put over my mouth to stifle the screams.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing!" I screeched at Edward, who was looking down at me with a smirk on his face.

"As soon as I saw you get out of the car earlier I couldn't wait to get you alone," he breathed, running his hands up and down my sides and kissing long my jawline. "Do you know how sexy you are tonight in that dress?" His breath was ragged as he sucked on my earlobe, making my legs feel like jelly as he lifted me onto the counter, settling his body between my thighs.

"Mm hmm," was the only response I was able to make. All coherent thought had gone as his hand ran up the outside of my thigh, underneath my dress to cup my ass causing a moan to escape from my lips.

All of a sudden there was a loud banging at the door.

"Fuck off!" Edward growled at whoever was interrupting us.

"Eddie, dude I gotta pee...quick," came the pleas from Emmett outside. "Put Bella down before my bladder explodes! If you don't I'll just get Alice and I'm sure you don't want that experience again!"

"Oh for all that is Holy!" I moaned, pushing Edward away and hopping down to the floor. "If we don't come out he'll just make our lives misery."

"I swear I'm going to kill him," Edward hissed, as he adjusted himself so his erection wasn't as obvious.

"Don't worry, if he carries on like this I'll be wearing his balls as earrings before the end of the night," I laughed, as I grabbed Edward's hand and lead us out of the bathroom, coming face to face with Emmett holding his cock in a bid to stop him pissing himself.

"Took your damn time," he huffed as he rushed into the bathroom, not even waiting for the door to close before relieving himself.

"I need to go and sort myself out," Edward whispered, nodding down at his crotch. Dress trousers really weren't great at hiding excitement and from the look of it, mount Eddie was about to erupt.

"Ok I'm going to get myself a drink," I laughed, before placing a chaste kiss on his lips and heading towards the bar, formerly known as the kitchen. "Try thinking of my dad in his underwear! It usually makes me calm down instantly!" I shouted back to Edward as he was running up the stairs taking two steps at a time.

"Charlie in his pants, Charlie in his pants..." I chanted silently to myself, to quell the throbbing that was spreading through my nether regions.

As I stood in the kitchen watching everyone around me I came to a decision. One that terrified me but also filled me with excitement. Nervous terror if you please. Tonight was going to be _the_ night.

* * *

I definitely needed some Dutch courage beforehand and I surveyed the vast array of bottles covering the work surfaces. _Tequila!_ That was the answer. A couple of those and I would be well away. I poured my first shot and downed it flinching as it burned down my throat and then grabbed a bottle of beer before heading towards the lounge. The place was bursting at the seams with people dancing, drinking and making out in random places. _"Yup, going need more courage,"_ I thought, heading back to the kitchen to grab a couple, or six, more shots.

The house was physically vibrating with music as I walked around mingling_,_ talking to people I was positive I'd never seen in my life before. My feet were hurting like crazy in the God-forsaken heels so I kicked them off, not even bothering to note where they landed as I walked across the back patio. Edward was busting out his best moves with Jasper and Emmett in the middle of the room. He'd long since discarded his jacket, and his shirt was opened half way down his chest and wet with sweat. _"God, what I'd give to lick that chest dry,"_ I thought to myself as I walked, as seductively as possible, over to them.

"Ouch! Watch where you're dancing fucktard!" I shouted at random people bumping into me and standing on my toes. _"Do these people not see me?!"_

"Ed-ward" I sang, leaning my body against his and running my finger down his chest and abdomen, before tucking it under the waistband at the front of his trousers. "I's loves you slo much!" I shouted, pulling him closer to me and planting wet kisses over his face before my legs gave way from underneath me, almost crashing to the floor. "Whoops! Furkin legs."

"Bella, how much have you had to drink?" he asked, looking in my eyes.

"Not smuch, only enough to know I's love yoooooooou and want you," I laughed, groping his package and kissing his chest again.

"Bella, you're hammered!"

"ME?!? Nooooooooo!" I screeched, waving my finger.

"Whoah! Bells!" Emmett laughed behind me, causing me to spin around and crash into his chest.

"Aaaaand I love you too Emmie Wemmie!"

"Eddie you need to sort your woman out! She called me Emmie Wemmie," Emmett scoffed, before spinning me back around and into the arms of Edward once more.

All of that spinning wasn't a good idea. Surely I wasn't still moving? How much did they want to turn me? Why was the room still moving?!

"Ed..... I d-d-d-don't feel too goo.......eugh!"


	7. The Morning After The Night Before

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. The are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 7 – The Morning After The Night Before**

"Ugh...fuck.." I groaned as I tried to roll over, feeling like my was head going explode as the impossibly bright room invaded my brain. Stretching out my arm across the bed, I noticed that I was alone. I was sure I was in Edwards bed as his scent lingered, along with something less desirable. Opening one eye tentatively I looked around the room trying to ignore the pins that someone was poking into my eyeballs.

"Ow," I moaned, trying to sit up straight and peeling my face off the pillow which was stuck with dried drool, not knowing what was worse, the pounding headache or my stomach doing somersaults. _"I'm never touching alcohol again, tequila is the venom of Satan," _I thought as I flopped back down on the pillow, obeying what every fibre of my being was ordering me to do.

"Morning my amigo," a voice greeted from somewhere across the room. "Do you _know_ how loud you snore when you're drunk?"

I opened my left eye again, squinting at the intrusive sunlight, to see Edward sitting in his computer chair wearing only a pair of khaki shorts facing me with a grin on his face. "Do you really have to shout?" I moaned, rolling over and burying my face into an overstuffed pillow causing my stomach to play havoc with me again. "I don't feel too good," I mumbled through the feathers.

"Well I'm not surprised. You drank Mexico's annual quota of tequila by yourself last night," he laughed, as he walked over and perched himself on the edge of the bed next to me, causing it to move in the most unfortunate way.

"Don't move!" I growled, pulling myself into a half seated position and seeing a hand holding out a large glass of water. "My tongue feels like a carpet."

"Drink this, it will help. You need to take on some fluids to rehydrate yourself," Edward offered as he placed the glass to my lips so I could have a drink.

"I'm never drinking again," I said, as I took the glass from him and downed the water in record time.

"I need a pee," I mumbled, gingerly moving across the bed before realising something quite horrific.

"I'm n-n-naked!" I exclaimed, as I looked under the covers at my completely exposed body suddenly panicking. "We didn't...we never had...did we?" I asked, as a million of thoughts ran through my mind. I remembered the hot session in the bathroom and deciding that I was going to ravish Edward that night, but more than that was just a blur. Could I really have had one of the most important experiences of my life and not remember?

"Oh God no! As much as I love you, there was no way in hell I was going near _that_ last night!" Edward laughed, holding his hands up in the air. "You puked all over your dress...and my back...so Alice and I had to strip you. You argued that you didn't want to wear any clothes and decided to give me an impromptu striptease in here. You know, you are a fucking stubborn drunk Swan."

"Oh my God no..." I moaned, as I slipped back down to bury my head under the comforter.

"Jasper also caught an eyeful..."

"Nooo..." I groaned. I wrapped the sheet around my self and tried to crawl out of bed, only for it to fall and expose my chest. Scrabbling to wrap it around myself and regain some modesty I caught Edward's stare. "Excuse me? Would you mind not ogling my tits Cullen?!" I huffed, pushing him to the side so I could get out of the bed and to the bathroom.

"Swan, you really have nothing I haven't seen before, especially after last night". I could hear him chuckling and standing up from the bed as I stomped to the bathroom, feeling like I had been kicked in the ass by an elephant.

"And don't even _think_ about coming in here!" I shouted through the closed door, as I heard his footsteps approaching.

What had I done last night? I'd never been a big drinker, just a glass of wine with a meal or perhaps a mojito when on vacation.

* * *

I stared at my reflection in the mirror while I waited for the shower run hot enough. I looked like the result of a hobo mating with a panda; my hair was beyond salvage and my mascara had headed south and somehow now resided around my jawline. There appeared to be some something crusty tangled in my hair; I didn't even _want_ to know _what_ that was. My torso was peppered with small bruises as I ran my hand down my body inspecting the damage reaching my ass. As soon as I made contact with my left buttock I felt intense pain. I turned around and craned my neck to see what was wrong when I was greeted with a bruise the size of my ass cheek. _"Oh my God!"_ I gasped, taking in the severity of the bruising.

"Are you ok in there Bella?" I could hear Edward's voice from behind the door laced with worry.

"Erm, yeah, I-I-I think so..." I stammered. I turned around too quickly and felt dizzy, my arms flew out to find something to grab hold of or sit down on for support; I failed miserably as usual and ended up on the floor, of course my baboons ass taking the full impact causing me to yelp in pain.

Hearing the commotion, Edward burst into the bathroom to be greeted by my naked form, spread eagle across the floor in all my glory. Pulling me up into his arms and wrapping a towel around my body he sat me down in the chair in the corner and knelt down in front of me, resting between my knees.

"I feel like shit Edward," I cried, putting my head on his shoulder. He leant down and kissed my head before gagging, spluttering and moving backwards wiping his lips furiously.

"Ew...what the fuck is that?!"

"I'm thinking it's my stomach contents," I laughed weakly, before I dropped my head down and tried not to make any more sudden movements,

"Isabella Marie Swan...you are a fucking disgrace," he laughed, tilting my chin to face his and leaning in for a kiss before thinking better of it. "You need a shower and to brush your teeth," he sniffed, wrinkling his nose, while lifting me up and carrying me over to the shower and placing me on the corner seat under the flow of water.

"Ouch! Watch the ass!" I complained as I was settled onto the small seat.

"Are you ok? I can get Dad to look at it later if you like."

"No, my ass has been seen by too many members of your family already, thank you very much," I said as I held my head in my hands. "I'll be ok, you don't need to help me shower. Just let me just wallow in my own misery for a while."

"OK, I'll just be outside if you need me," Edward said, squeezing my knee gently and heading back into his bedroom.

Every muscle in my body screamed at me and no matter how hot the water got it didn't touch them. There was no way they were going to relax and forgive me for their mistreatment last night. I took my time washing my body and hair before getting out and standing in front of the sink to brush my teeth.

"_Such a catch...Eyes like piss-holes in the snow...bags under the eyes big enough to carry your groceries home in.... deathly white complexion...ah, maybe I am dead after all and this is my punishment. An eternity in purgatory and eternal embarrassment for making a tit of myself last night....maybe the tequila actually had finished me off..."_ I mused to myself. No, I wasn't that lucky and I had have to face everyone still. Could this day have got any worse?

* * *

As I made my way back into the bedroom Edward had put on a t shirt and was wearing a pair of flip-flops. "How are you feeling now?" He asked, hugging me tightly to his chest.

"A bit better I suppose. I still feel like someone's using a jack hammer inside my skull..."

"Well we'd better hurry up. Alice donated a change of clothes," he said, pointing to the bed "Jasper is headed to yours to pick up your bags and then we're setting off."

"My bags? Setting off?" I looked up to him confused.

"Yeah, unless you want to spend the next five days naked. Not that I'd mind that of course," he smirked, running his hands over the towel wrapped around my body.

"Oh shit, I'd forgotten about going to the cabin today. Just what I need, a couple of hours in a car feeling like death," I groaned, burying my face in Edwards chest.

It had been arranged for months. The six of us, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Edward and myself were spending five days and nights at the Cullens' cabin on Sunset Beach, Moclips. The cabin was beautiful with whitewashed cladding, five bedrooms and the whole of the back wall being glass, looking over the ocean and a hot tub on the back patio. We would spend most summers there with the parents but this year we were finally allowed to go alone.

"You'll feel much better when we get there," he said as kissed me tenderly on the lips and stroked my cheek with his thumb.

"Yeah, but I've still got to face the Gestapo downstairs first..." I mumbled, imagining the tirade of abuse I was to get from Alice for ruining the dress, the fact that Jasper had seen me starkers and the inevitable endless taunting that I'd be on the receiving end of from Emmett.

"Don't worry, if Emmett wants to start anything I've got shitloads of incriminating evidence of his drunken escapades. I'm sure he wouldn't want the video of his naked balloon dance to appear on you tube..." He winked as he turned his back towards me giving me privacy whilst getting dressed.

"Maybe I'd like to see that video," I laughed, pulling the tank top over my head before stumbling into the board shorts Alice had donated. One thing I'd never understood was why people felt the need to dress like they were going to the beach when travelling. Surely it made more sense to wear normal clothes and then get changed when you actually _get_ to the beach?

"All in good time my dear, all in good time," Edward said, taking a sly glance over his shoulder, only for his face to drop when he realised he was too late and had missed the free show.

"Not quick enough mister!" I joked, linking my arm with his and walking out of the bedroom. "I can't believe I'm having to take the _walk of shame_ for the second time in twenty four hours!" I whined as we reached the staircase.

* * *

I could hear hustle and bustle coming from the lounge and kitchen with Rose barking various orders to Emmett when he was obviously doing something wrong. As we neared the bottom of the stairs, we were met with a flustered looking Emmett carrying two large suitcases and various other bags.

"Rosie, do you really need all of the clothes" he whined before looking at us. "Good morning Miss Swan!" he announced, dropping all of the luggage at his feet, giving me a shit eating grin and cocking an eyebrow towards me. "How are you feeling this morning? I hear from Jasper I missed an interesting show last night!" I crossed my arms over my chest and scowled.

As if on cue Rose appeared through the doorway. "Bella, Bella, Bella..." she laughed, shaking her head at me and grinning before returning her attentions to Emmett who was sweating profusely. "Em, hurry up and put those in the car, we are running late. The rest of the stuff we need is on the kitchen counter."

"I'm going to grab the rest of our stuff and pack the car," Edward said quietly in my ear, before he kissed me behind it. "You go and have some breakfast, you'll need it." That simple action had my stomach doing turns, although I wasn't clear whether it was arousal or nausea. Deciding not to test it I went into the kitchen and came face to face with a very pissed off looking Alice.

"Isabella!" she admonished with her hands on her hips and stomping her foot like an angry toddler.

"Alice, I'm sorry" I mumbled as I looked down at the floor to avoid eye contact. You know what they say about avoiding locking eyes with wild animals...

"How are you feeling this morning?" She asked, as I made my way to the fresh coffee and poured myself a cup.

"Pretty terrible," I admitted honestly.

"Good, you deserve it! Do you realise how much the therapy is going to cost me to come to terms with what I have witnessed over the past twenty four hours?!"

"I'm sorry," I said into my cup, trying to hide the smile forming on my lips. I could never take Alice's temper tantrums seriously. "I'll get the dress dry cleaned for you," I offered, suddenly feeling extremely guilty for wrecking such a beautiful garment.

"No need. I threw it out. There's no way it would be touching my body again after the fluids that have been on it."

"Oh, I-I-I'll buy you a new one..."

"Nope, don't bother. You can just pay for my psychiatrist instead," she laughed, poking me in the side and making me spill some of my coffee on the counter. "What made you drink so much anyway? You know what a lightweight you are when it comes to alcohol," she asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

"I just made a decision and needed a bit of Dutch courage, that's all," I replied, hoping it would be a good enough answer although in my heart I knew it wouldn't.

"What sort of decision?"

"That...that last night would be _the_ night...I thought having a drink would help me relax and calm my nerves," I whispered.

"Well it certainly helped you relax," she chuckled, taking a bite out of an apple. "A little too relaxed if you ask me."

"How's your ass Bells?" I heard Emmett's booming voice before his hand my contact with my purple and black cheek causing me to scream.

"Swollen..." I hissed through gritted teeth, which just spurred him on more.

"I'll have to tell Eddie to take the spanking down a notch," he laughed, picking up the last of Rose's bags and hoisting them over his shoulder whilst walking towards the front door, looking every inch the caveman he acted like at times.

"Yeah very fucking funny," I scoffed, standing up and wincing at the pain shooting through my ass. _"I'm not going to be able to sit down for weeks,"_ I thought to myself.

"Alice, how did I bruise my ass so bad? Did I fall over?" I asked cautiously, putting my empty cup in the dishwasher.

"Don't you remember Bella? You were doing your best grinding along to 'Sexy Back' and slipped falling on your ass. It was brilliant, although Jessica Stanley might have something to say about it. You poured your beer down her top on the way down!"

"Oh..." was all the response I could muster. How much had I forgotten? Was I really that bad? What else did I do? Was it time to emigrate? How on earth could I face everyone after making such a tit out of myself. My life was officially over.

"Bella!!" Emmett's voice thundered from the front door. "Grab your shit and get your purple ass in the car. We gotta go!"

I hurriedly made my way out of the house and towards Emmett's Jeep. Edward was sitting in the back with Em and Rose in the front. Alice followed close behind me and locked the door on her way out. She and Jasper had decided to take her Porsche instead of riding with everyone else.

"I thought we were taking your car," I whispered, as I manoeuvred myself gently onto the seat next to Edward.

"There's not much point. Why take three cars when we can all fit into two?" he whispered back and leaned in to give me a quick peck on the lips.

"Oi, Oi! No making out in the back seat. I'm not cleaning that shit up!" Emmett shouted, as he looked at us through his rear-view mirror. "Let''s hit the road!" he announced, pulling away from the house and fiddling with the stereo.

"I'd like to dedicate this song to our Bella" he laughed, finding the track he wanted and turning the volume up full, just to piss me off of course.

"_Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt.  
It is so big, ugh, She looks like,  
one of those rap guys' girlfriends.  
But, you know, who understands those rap guys? ugh  
They only talk to her, because,  
she looks like a total prostitute, 'kay?  
I mean, her butt, is just so big.  
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,  
out there, I mean - gross. Look!  
She's just so ... black!_

_I like big butts and I can not lie  
You other brothers can't deny  
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist  
And a round thing in your face  
You get sprung, wanna pull up tough  
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed "_

Yup, this was going to be one hell of a long car journey.


	8. Sunset Beach

**The best way to view this fic is with your settings on 1/2 width. Just click on 1/2 (next to full and 3/4 in the top right corner of the page). It just looks better and will be easier to read.**

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**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. The are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

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**Chapter 8 – Sunset Beach**

"Bella, Bella, wake up."

I could hear the familiar voice in the distance, but I didn't want to leave my warm little cocoon of sleep just yet. "Another 5 minutes Charlie," I mumbled, brushing away the hand resting on my shoulder and rolling towards my right, suddenly feeling fresh air where my bed surely should be. I opened my eyes to just be met with a gravel driveway coming towards my face.

"Agh! Shit!" I screamed, my arms flailing wildly in a vain attempt to prevent the inevitable, gravel munching, face plant ahead.

"Whoa! Jesus, Bella. Careful." I heard someone shout before strong arms wrapped around my shoulders, and my nose pounded into something decidedly softer. "Not the best way to get out of a car."

"Mm hmm," I mumbled through the soft fabric concealing...a crotch. Edwards crotch.

_Great, firstly I'd decided to roll out of a Jeep face first, and secondly, I'd been saved by embedding my face in my boyfriends ball-bag. _

Trying to get back into a seated position, I grabbed at the waistband on his trousers and pushed against him.

"You could at least wait until you get inside," Emmett's voice thundered, as his came towards the car.

"Oh fuck off, Neanderthal!" I scoffed as I sat up straight, and adjusted my top; secretly enjoying where my nose had previously been.

"Whatever Bells," he laughed, waving his hand at me whilst grabbing the box of groceries from the seat beside me.

"You're only jealous because Rose refuses to go there since she found that wart..." I mocked, as I searched through my bag for my phone.

"It's not a fucking wart!" Emmett screeched, an octave higher than acceptable for someone with a dick. "It's a skin tag! I stupid little blemish! My doctor told me so!" He huffed and walked towards the front door with the box in his arms, stopping to glance back at me looking like his head was about to explode.

"Better hurry up with that, knobbly-dick," I giggled, before being flipped the bird by Emmett.

"That was mean," Edward whispered in my ear, as I spun my legs around and jumped down from my seat. "Mean but fucking hilarious."

I stood outside the cabin letting the warm sun fall on my face, and taking in my surroundings. The building was amazing with the light bouncing off the white cladding walls. The only sounds, apart from Emmett bitching at Rose for his little problem apparently being common knowledge, was the sea lapping at the sand and the sea birds squawking overhead. It really was a beautiful place, and it was all ours for the next five days, _with no parents_. I couldn't help but grin at that last thought.

"Come on, let's get this stuff inside." Edward interrupted my thoughts walking past me with bags in one hand and patting my ass gently with his other.

"Watch the ass!" I shouted, as I quickly grabbed my small bag and other things from the back seat and following him into the cabin.

"What are the sleeping arrangements?" I asked, dropping my bag in the foyer and enjoying the cool surroundings thanks to the air conditioning.

"Bagsy the room with the king-size bed!" Emmett announced, holding his hand up in the air.

"We'll have the room furthest away from those two," I stated, pointing my finger between Rose and Emmett.

"Deal," Edward chuckled, ascending the stairs two at a time with his arms full of luggage.

"Hang on!" Alice whined, coming out from the lounge. "I don't want have to hear _that_ either!"

"Tough shit. You snooze you lose," Edward shouted from upstairs, causing Alice to pout and sulk out of the room and into the arms on Jasper. Nobody in their right mind would have ever opted for the room next to Emmett and Rose. She wasn't not called 'Screaming Hale' for no reason.

* * *

As I reached the door to our room my heart sank. This was the room Alice and used to share every summer. A twin room.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, looking down to me, noticing my deflated expression.

"This room has twin beds...and it's pink" I sighed, as Edward opened the door and walked in. I huffed and trudged through the door after him only to be stopped dead in my tracks.

"Wha..." I gasped, as I took in the view. The room had been completely redecorated with white and pale blue and in prime position was a beautiful white, four poster bed dressed with pure white linen.

"Mom remodelled the room a few months ago," Edward whispered in my ear, as he stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "She figured that those days were behind us and it made more sense to make all rooms doubles."

"_I seriously fucking love Esme!" _

I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck and kissed him lightly on the lips; his arms tightened around me, crushing me against his chest as he deepened the kiss. His hands moved down my back and cupped my ass, bringing our bodies even closer, causing me to wince.

"W-w-w-we need to sort out our stuff," I stuttered, breaking the kiss and patting my hands on his chest. "There's plenty of time for that later."

"Party pooper" Edward pouted before walking towards the french-doors and opening them. The doors opened onto a private balcony which looked directly over the beach and out to sea. As I leant against the balustrade with my chin on my hands, I couldn't stop a contented sigh leaving my body.

"Are you ok sweetheart?" Edward asked, coming to join me and resting his head on his arms to look me in the eye.

"Yeah, just tired and my head and ass still hurt," I moaned, pushing myself upright and and snuggling into Edwards chest, inhaling deeply.

"_Damn, the sea air just makes that aroma better."_

With a wide grin on my face, I could have quite happily just stood there for the next five days, wrapped in the arms of the man I loved with just the sunshine and the sounds of the waves for company.

"Bella!" Emmett shouted from the doorway to our room, dragging Rose in behind him.

"Dude, every heard of knocking?" Edward growled, looking up.

"Tell her," Emmett commanded, pointing a finger at me.

"It's not a wart. It's benign growth, a blemish. The doctor said so," Rose said in a monotone voice, rolling her eyes.

"Whatever Em, I believe you," I giggled, still resting my head on Edwards chest.

"Fine! I'll prove it!" he shouted, frantically pulling on his zipper and undoing his khaki shorts.

"No!" I screamed, burying my face in Edward's chest.

"Em, nobody needs to see that!" Rose scolded, pulling his hand away from his pants and dragging him out of the room.

"Rosie..." I could hear him whine and bitch at her as they made their way down the hall away from us.

"And with that, I'm going to take a nap. You don't mind do you?" I asked Edward, as I walked over to the oversized bed holding his hand.

"Of course not." He winked at me as we both crawled into bed, and I laid with my head on his chest. "We can spend all week in here if you want," he whispered into my hair, and tightened his hold on my waist.

"Mm hmm" I mumbled as I listened to his even breathing, and felt my eyes droop with the heavy feeling of sleep overcome me.

* * *

I opened my eyes and stretched my whole body causing my spine to pop.

"I really hate it when you do that," Edward cringed behind me.

I rolled over and playfully punched him on his chest, before resting my head on it and lazily draping my leg over his hips. "Whatcha reading?" I yawned.

"Wuthering Heights. I figured there must be something to it considering how many times you've read it."

"And?" I asked, leaning up on his chest and looking him in his eyes.

"Personally, I don't get the hype. Heathcliffe sounds like a right bastard, and 'Thrushcross' sounds like some sort of STD," he shrugged, putting the book on the bedside table.

"You can't say that! It's a classic," I squealed, pushing myself up off his chest and leaning over to retrieve my battered old book, only to be held tightly with Edward planting kisses long my neck and jawline.

"What time is it?" I asked, shifting my weight back to the bed and sitting up.

"Hmm, nearly 7 why?"

"I need a shower and some food," I said, getting up from the bed and padding to the bathroom. "Were you reading for 5 hours?"

"Nope, just for a couple," he said. I could hear the floorboards creaking as he made his way to the bathroom. "I had a job to do thanks to you..." he growled through the door.

"What?" I asked, wrapping a towel around my body and opening the door slightly, poking my head through, intrigued.

"Well..." he started as he pushed the door open, moving me out of the way and closing the toilet seat, before sitting on it.

"Er excuse me mister. I am about to have a shower...so if you wouldn't mind..." I said, pulling on his arm in a vain attempt to remove him.

"I won't look...promise" he smiled, leaning back and pulling on the hem of the towel around my body.

"Fine," I huffed, pulling away as I stepped into the shower before taking the towel off and throwing it at his head.

"So, what was the job you had to do?" I asked, enjoying the hot water cascading down over my still aching body and feeling the bruise on my ass.

"_I'm sure that cheek is twice the size of the other..."_

"After you fell asleep I went downstairs for a drink, only to be collared by Emmett and dragged into the bathroom..." he mumbled.

"And?" I replied, through stifled laughter, with a good idea of what he was about to say next.

"He wanted to prove that his problem wasn't what you said it was"

"Oh he didn't?" I giggled, poking my head around the glass divider with suds in my hair.

"Yes he did. Let's just say I am now fulling acquainted with _'Little Emmett,'_" he said, dropping his head into his hands. "You owe me big time Swan! That image is going to be burned into my brain for a fucking long time!"

"I'll make it up to you...big time." I winked at him before I turned to rinse the shampoo out of my hair. "Towel please." I put my arm out for Edward to hand it to me. "Edward?"

No reply.

"Edward can I have the towel?"

"Nope."

"Edward! Give me the fucking towel!" I shouted, looking around the glass only to see him sat, folding the towel neatly with a smug grin on his face.

"You're gonna have to come and get it," he smirked.

"Don't be such a bastard," I hissed, stretching my arm towards him as I tried to grab the towel.

"Not gonna happen Swan."

"Fine I'll just stay in here then," I huffed, knowing full well that, no matter how stubborn I was, Edward would beat me. "It's getting cold..." I whined, in the hope that it would convince him. Surely he didn't want his girlfriend to die of hypothermia?

"Well you know what to do if you're cold. There's a nice warm towel out here," he laughed, as he languidly stroked the towel that lay in his lap.

"Bella, I've seen it all before. And I'm going to see more of it anyway," he snickered.

"Oh for fuck sake!" I growled, as I stepped out of the shower covering myself with my hands and trying to grab the towel as soon as possible, only for Edward to put it behind his back and pull me towards his body.

"Nice rack," he whispered into my ear, before kissing me just behind it and wrapping the towel around my back.

"Pervert," I growled, standing up and wrapping the towel tightly around my body as I glanced down to notice that _'not so little Edward'_ was paying attention also.

"Hurry up and get changed, the bar-be-que has been lit and I'm sure the food will be ready soon," he said, his eyes following my ass as I walked back into the bedroom. I made quick work of getting dressed into my ¾ length jeans and tank top, while Edward waited on the bed, flicking through a magazine, taking sly glances over to me thinking that I hadn't noticed.

"Come on, Pervy McPervason," I said, as I sauntered past and grabbed Edwards hand for him to follow me. "I'm starving."

* * *

As we got to the kitchen, Alice and Rose were preparing the salad and rice whilst Emmett and Jasper were being 'real men', and looking after the meat on the the grill outside.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked, sitting down on the stool at the breakfast bar.

"You can chop the salad if you like," Alice said, looking over her shoulder at the lettuce and tomato next to me.

"I'll see how the guys are getting on," Edward said, excusing himself after getting a cold bottle of beer from the fridge and walking outside.

"How's the hangover?" Alice chirped, as she mixed peppers into the rice.

"Not too bad now," I replied through a mouthful of tomato. "Has Emmett forgiven me yet?" I asked Rose, who supervised the whole procedure with a glass of wine in her hand, leaning on the counter.

"Oh you know what he's like," She said, taking a sip and waving her hand in the direction of the guys. "He's like a bear with a sore head, he'll be fine within a few hours. Anyway, I think Edward's feeling worse about the whole thing right now," she laughed.

"Yeah he told me what happened," I giggled.

"Told you what? What happened?" Alice asked, suddenly paying full attention.

"Lets just say Edward now knows Emmett's anatomy in a way a cousin never should," I laughed, putting the salad in a huge bowl.

"Noooo! That's brilliant!" Alice shrieked.

"Shush, he doesn't know you know about his blemish. He'd fucking kill me if he knew you guys were all in on his little secret" Rose said to Alice, who in response pretended to zip her lips together and throw away the key.

"Food's ready," Jasper called from outside in his southern twang. He may had moved from Texas as a small child but he had never really lost his accent.

"Good I'm starving," I said, making my way outside with the bowl of salad.

The beach looked amazing. The light of the full moon cascaded over the sea making it sparkle. The patio was lit by small Japanese lanterns suspended from the beams in various colours. Edward was sitting on the swinging chair so I grabbed a burger and salad and settled myself next to him.

"Hey gorgeous," he greeted, kissing me on my temple and putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Yo Eddie! Want a sausage?!?" Emmett bellowed, waving a sausage skewered on the BBQ fork, laughing his ass off.

"No, in fact I think I'm going to become vegetarian..." he mumbled, his face contorted in disgust.

We all finished our food amongst retelling of old stories from our youth and fits of giggles. I loved those five people more than anyone. Only God knew what was going to happen next year when we were all separated with college and stuff. Edward and I had delayed college for a year to travel but it would still mean being away from the others. Something I didn't want to think about until absolutely necessary. I may, technically, have been an only child but as far as I was concerned, I had five siblings. Actually scratch that. I had four siblings and a best friend, and lover. To include Edward in the sibling category just seemed wrong.

I moved to sit on Edwards lap and snuggled into his neck singing along to the music playing.

"_All the vampires walkin' through the valley  
_ _move west down Volterra Boulevard_  
_all the bad boys are standing in the shadows  
_ _and the good girls are home with broken hearts_ _  
_

_now I'm free  
_ _free fallin'_

_  
yea I'm free  
__ free fallin'"_

"It's Ventura Boulevard, not Volterra," Edward whispered in my ear.

"I don't care, I like my version," I mumbled. My hands tangled in his hair as I kissed the side of his mouth.

"So what do you guys want to play?" Alice asked, as she skipped out from the kitchen and jumped on Jaspers lap.

"How about Truth or Dare?" Rose suggested, an evil twinkle in her eye.

"We're not twelve any more Rose," Edward sighed.

"Well duh!" she replied, smacking her head.

"It'll be fun. Loosen up and take that pole out of your ass Edward."

"I'm in but I reckon I'll need a drink for this one," I sighed, as I got up and walked towards the fridge.

"I thought you said you were never drinking again after last night?" Alice asked.

"One won't hurt. And it'll numb the pain of what's going to happen with this game," I replied. My hands rummaged through the fridge before I grabbed a bottle of coke and mixed it with a generous measure of amaretto.

We all made our way to the sand just beyond the decking, where the guys had built a small camp fire. Edward sat down and I made myself comfortable between his legs, making little piles in the sand either side of his knees with my hands.

"OK, I'll start," Emmett announced with his hand in the air.

"Shoot," Alice exclaimed, sitting upright, getting excited.

"Ok, Eddie boy...truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Aw don't be such a pussy!"

"I. Don't. Care. Truth" he said, leaning back slightly, taking a swig of his beer.

"Fine," Emmett huffed, rubbing the back of his head trying to think of a suitably horrid question to ask.

"Ok, where's the strangest place you've ever had sex?" he asked, raising his eyebrow, in an obvious - but futile, attempt to gain some dirt on Edward and I.

"Well that was a waste of a question _Emmie Bear,"_ he laughed with a smug grin across his face. "Nowhere."

"Huh?" Emmett spluttered, choking on his beer slightly.

"Nowhere." Edward just shrugged. "What's yours?"

"Hey, you can't ask me a question yet and to answer that...your Mom's kitchen table. Hang on, are you seriously telling me that you and Bella haven't scored a home-run yet?"

"Right I'm next," Rose interrupted, elbowing Emmett in the ribs. He just huffed and and leaned back on his arm taking another swig from his bottle of beer.

"Jasper. Truth or dare?"

"Truth," he replied, kissing Alice on the cheek.

"Aw man! I'm surrounded by pussies tonight," Emmett whined.

Ignoring Emmett, Rose continued with the game. "Ok, Jasper. Have you ever had an embarrassing crush?" Hearing this question, Alice burst out into a fit of giggles and Jasper turned a decidedly bright shade of crimson.

"Answer the question Jas," I said, suddenly very intrigued.

"Only one..." he started before looking at Alice with pleading eyes, only to be ignored completely.

"Tell us!" Emmett shouted.

"The middle one in Hanson," he muttered under his breath.

"You fancied Taylor Hanson?!?" Rose exclaimed. "He's a guy!"

"Yeah but that was before I knew that," he replied, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"_Mmmbop ba duba dop, badu bop, ba duba dop..."_ Emmett started singing, before falling into a fit of hysterics. "Oh man! Jas, that's a classic!"

"Fuckers," Jasper mumbled under his breath before getting to his feet. "Anyone else want another drink?" he asked, immediately being confronted with five hands holding up glasses and bottles to indicate a refill.

After what seemed like an eternity of us trying to make each other as uncomfortable as possible it was my turn for the torture.

"Bells, truth or dare?" Emmett asked, an evil glint in his eye and a shit eating grin on his face.

"Dare," I replied, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. If I was going to go down in flames I might as well do it in style.

"Ooooo" Alice and Rose shrieked in unison while Emmett rubbed his hands together, practically purple with glee.

"Ok Isabella..." he started, leaning forward towards me. "I dare you to streak down the beach into the sea." He snickered raising an eyebrow. There was no way on this planet that he would get the better of me. I was not going to be known as someone who backed out of dares. I was doomed either way. I either got naked and strapped on a pair, or chickened out and not hear the end of it for the next fifty years.

"You don't have to do it," Edward whispered in my ear as I started to rise to my feet.

"No worries. _Emmie Wemmie_ won't get the better of me tonight," I smirked. I stood up and walked to the side with my back turned; I slowly took my clothes off until I was just in my panties with my arm covering my breasts. I could hear Emmett muttering under his breath at my use of the nickname he despised.

I ran towards the sea taking my panties off mid stride, nearly tripping up. It was surprisingly freeing to run naked down the beach. I just concentrated on the task at hand and not the thought of my best friends watching me. As I reached the sea I shrieked at the sensation. It was fucking cold. If Edward hadn't given me pneumonia earlier with his towel shenanigans, this most certainly would. I turned around, and as soon as I was back on dry sand I was wrapped in a huge towel and embraced in Edwards arms.

"You're fucking crazy Isabella Marie Swan," he laughed, kissing me on the lips before hoisting me in the air and carrying me back to the fire.

"I never knew you had it in you," Alice screeched, giving me a high five.

"You go girl," Rose laughed, mimicking Alice with the hand slap.

"Right, I'm going to go and get changed. It's fucking freezing in that sea and I'm kinda tired. I'm probably just going to crash now," I said, picking up my discarded clothes as I headed indoors.

"Night Bella," everyone chimed together, before discussing and laughing about what had just happened.

* * *

As I got to our bedroom I changed into a pair of boy shorts and tank top before crawling under the duvet of what could, quite possibly be, the most comfortable bed in existence. I might have been feeling a bit chilly, but it was still too warm to wear anything more in bed. Just as I started to settle into sleep, the door creaked open and Edward walked in. I opened my eyes just enough to see, but not enough for him to know I was awake. Yup, it was my turn to perv. My eyes followed him around the room as he started to strip for bed; his shorts came off followed by his shirt. _"Please let the boxers follow"_ I prayed silently, as Edward came to stand in front of me.

"Bella, I know you're not asleep and you're not getting a free show tonight," he laughed. He tugged on the waistband of his boxers and it snapped it back to his hips, before he pulled the comforter down and slipped in beside me.

"Spoilt sport," I huffed, wriggling across the bed to rest my head on his chest and entwine my legs with his.

"Go to sleep," he chuckled, kissing the tip and my nose and resting his chin on top of my head.

As I lay listening to his heartbeat I felt the heavy feeling of sleep encompass me. There was no better place to sleep, not even _this _bed was as comfortable as Edwards embrace.


	9. What Goes Bump in the Night

**Reviews gratefully received. _Constructive _criticism will only make the story better!**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

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**Chapter 9 – What Goes 'Bump' In The Night**

_Edwards hands caressed my sides as his lips kissed down my collarbone and into the valley between my breasts, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. I could feel him hard against my thigh as I grasped at his hair, and brought his lips to mine again. _

"_I want you Edward," I hissed, as he shifted his weight so he was positioned with only the thin cotton of my panties separating us. _

_I felt his hands trace their slow and torturous path down my stomach and underneath the waistband of my underwear, before pulling them down my thighs slowly, exposing me in my entirety to him for the first time, in this way. _

"_I love so you so much Bella," he whispered in my ear, before moving into position and claiming me for the first time..."_

"Bella," I heard him whisper into my ear.

"Hmm mm," I smiled, before rolling over and coming face to face with a very confused looking Edward.

"I've been trying to wake you for a while." He smiled, pushing the stray strands of hair from my sweaty brow.

"Oh, um, um," I stuttered, trying to get my bearings, steady my breathing and calm my heart which was thundering at a mile a minute.

"Were you having a bad dream? You were moaning a hell of a lot and calling my name as if you needed my help," he asked, a frown marring his face as he stared at me.

"Oh, um, yeah, bad dream," I mumbled, turning my face away from him- sure that my cursed blush would give the game away in an instant.

"Well what was it about?" he asked, putting his hand under my chin and turning my face towards his once more.

"Oh the usual, you know things chasing, running, scary stuff. The usual," I babbled, hoping it would be enough.

"That wasn't it," he said, cocking an eyebrow towards me with a smirk on his lips. "You were having a dirty dream weren't you?" he chuckled, still holding my chin so I couldn't look away from him.

"I need a shower," I stammered, twisting out of his grasp and away from the humiliation.

"Oh no you don't!" he joked, pulling me back to the bed and pinning me below him with my arms above my head and his knees straddling my hips. "Details!"

"I don't know what you mean," I said in my best innocent voice and batting my eyelids at him.

"Well maybe I need to jog your memory then," he said, as his hand reached for my ribs causing me to scream and thrash about underneath him. That bastard knew how much I hated being tickled, and exactly where to tickle for best effect.

"Agh! Get off me you idiot!" I screamed, trying my best to roll out from underneath him and escape.

"Tell me and I'll let you go," he whispered into my ear. His hot breath blew across my cheek, reigniting the memories from my dream and causing the blood surge south to my nether regions once more.

"Fine, fine I'll tell you," I huffed, lifting my head up and trying to release my hands in the process.

Before I had time to respond Edward had flipped us over so I was lying on top of him with half of my torso laying between his legs. My mind was racing with the memories of the dream along with the feeling of his body pressed up against his. I could feel the heat from his bare chest through my tank top and I craved for the skin on skin contact. My skin tingled with fire and desire.

"So what were you dreaming about?" he murmured, looking in my eyes with an intensity that I had never seen before.

"You know what I was dreaming about," I mumbled, as I my gaze lowered and I traced patterns on his chest with my fingers.

"Do I?" He smirked, kissing the side of my neck and moving his hands down my back and dipping them under my top, before running them back up and causing my whole body to involuntarily shudder.

"Yes," I squeaked. My voice was strained and the word struggled to leave my throat.

"Was it about me?" he asked with his mouth still pressed against my neck. I could feel his trademark shit eating grin form on his lips. Smug git.

"Mm hmm," I mumbled, lowering my face to his chest. I knew damn well where this questioning was leading. If he pushed me to go into specifics I would die right there; an embarrassed virgin.

"What was I doing?" he whispered into my ear before lightly sucking on my earlobe. The boy was going to be the death of me.

"Stuff, we were doing stuff. That's all you need to know," I rushed, leaning up and trying to push myself off of his body. My cheeks were most definitely contributing to global warming with the heat radiating off them. As I shifted my weight, I felt an all too familiar appendage pressed against my stomach.

"Is this turning you on?" I asked, somewhat shocked, but smug at the same time. I loved the fact that I could get him hot by doing the simplest things. Maybe that was my secret power.

_Fuck those Jedi mind tricks, this is real power right here. _

"Mm hmm," he hummed, as he kissed me along my jaw line and down my neck again. His hands were tracing lines up and down my back, before moving to my ribs and then stomach where they rested just above the waistband of my shorts.

He deepened the kiss and a groan escaped from his chest as his hand moved lower and cupped me over the thin material.

"Feels like it's having the same effect on you," he moaned through the kiss, applying more pressure with his left hand as his right one moved upwards to my breast.

"_Fuck,"_ I hissed through gritted teeth. If this was the effect he had on me through a layer of cotton, then what the hell was going to happen to me when we finally did the deed? I'd either spontaneously combust or turn into a quivering mass of jelly. Both of which I'm sure would be extremely attractive to Edward.

I felt his hand move back to my stomach whilst his other lifted my chin so he could look me in the eyes. I wasn't expecting what I saw. His eyes looked pleading and laced with, what I could only assume was, desire. Pleading? What was he pleading for?

_Oh... he wants us to do it now..._

I panicked, with all of my irrational fears rampaging through my body and breaking the surface. My heart started to hammer in my chest and my mind clouded with frantic thoughts.

_Am I really ready for this? How could I not be? This is Edward! Get a fucking grip you pussy! I __**am**__ ready. The fucking sopping mess in my shorts says so. Ok so physically, yes, but mentally... damn that would be another story all together... _

Every, and I mean _every_, muscle in my body was tightening and tensing. Even if I wanted to do it right now there's no way he was getting in there.

"Bella..." Edward broke into my thoughts kissing the tip of my nose. His forehead pressed against mine as he stared me straight in the eye. "Let me touch you," he whispered, tracing random patterns on my stomach once more.

"Ok," I replied in no more than a whisper. If I had said it any louder he would have easily detected the shake in my voice.

Edward shifted his weight so I was lying facing him with my leg draped over his hip. His hands moved down to my calf and he slowly traced his fingers up my leg, resting on my hip before moving to the hem of my underwear.

With every little movement of his hands and lips my body came alive with a desire I never knew existed. His lips moved back up to my jaw-line before meeting mine. Swiping his tongue over my lower lip I opened my mouth and his tongue gently met my own. Tightening his grip around my waist, Edward rolled me onto my back, leaning over me with his hand resting on the mattress next to my head with his forearm next to the side of my face. Looking down at me I could only focus on his smile and hair dishevelled with my favourite _'just fucked' _style.

I could see his lips moving but all perception and recognition was long gone.

"Don't stop" I groaned, as his body moved down mine leaving his nose next to my bellybutton and his thumbs looped under the waistband of my panties He planted a kiss just below my belly button before slowly beginning to pull them down.

"W-w-w-what are you doing? I stuttered. The full realisation of what was happening dawning on me. Edward was pulling my shorts down with his face right _there_. He would see _everything_. Great, hear comes irrational Bella!

"_What if I'm not normal? He's a teenage boy, he's seen more porn than I could possibly comprehend. Oh my fucking God, what if I smell? The last thing I need to do is repel my boyfriend with fishy flaps!..."_

"Bella what's the matter? You look a bit freaked out" Edward said, suddenly looking up.

"N-n-n-nothing..." I stammered. "D-d-d-do I have to take my bottoms off?" I mumbled feeling completely stupid.

"I've seen it before remember?" he tried to reassure.

"That was different. You saw a bit, not the whole fucking wide-screen version!" I huffed, moving up the bed.

"Is that with Dolby surround?" he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Very funny, ha fucking ha," I scoffed, pushing myself further back up the bed , leaning against the headboard and crossing my arms over my chest, giving Edward the best death glare I could muster.

"We can go as slowly as you like Bella, I already told you that" he said, crawling up towards me and resting his head against mine. "If you want to keep your shorts on I'm sure we can figure something out" he grinned, brushing my hair from around my face and running his finger down my cheek. "I love you Isabella, even with your neurosis"

"I'll give you neurosis, 'Mr Melodramatic'!" I huffed, smacking him on the chest playfully.

His lips found mine once again pulling me into his chest. "Want to give it another go?" he murmured into my ear.

"Uh hmm," was the only response I was capable of as Edward dragged us down the bed slightly. What was it about this boy and me losing all rational thought?

His hand started to slowly make it's way to down to my stomach, once against resting at my waistband. My eyes were trained on his face as he looked at me, asking for permission. I simply nodded weakly and closed my eyes as I felt his fingers slowly slide beneath my shorts, into completely new territory, a gasp leaving my mouth at the unfamiliar sensation.

I felt his fingers come in contact with my naked form for the first time and felt a rush of euphoria spread through my body. The feel of his hand on my body was completely different to that of my own. His large and slightly rough fingers moved, sweeping along my womanhood before his index finger found my clitoris. I gasped as he started making slow, small circles on it. His free hand playing with my hair and moving it from my face. Turning my head his eyes were staring intently at my face.

"Is that ok?" Edward murmured into my ear. I just about managed to nod as he continued his ministrations, a moan escaping from my mouth as he picked up the speed slightly and swept his fingers in a wider arc causing me to bite down on my lower lip.

My breath hitched as I felt small twitches deep within my body. Edward's hand moved lower and with a swift movement I felt his digit enter me causing my back to arch. I felt my whole body flush as his finger kept up a steady pace while his thumb was still rubbing circles. I felt his hand shift and another digit entered into the equation, stretching me some more and causing me to gasp in a mixture of pleasure and pain.

"Am I doing it right?" his asked; his face a picture of concentration.

My whole body felt like it was on fire. The flames were travelling up my limbs and with my heart pounding in my chest, every breath was becoming a struggle.

"_Great, I'll suffer a heart attack. Try explaining that one to Charlie at the hospital Edward...'Yeah I was fingering my girlfriend, your daughter, and I gave her a coronary...'"_

Blind, deaf, and quite possibly dumb, all control was lost as my orgasm came crashing through me like a tsunami.

"_Oh my God, Mary, Jesus and Joseph! Fucking mother fucker, shit, fuck, twat, cunt, fuuuuuuck!" _

"W-w-wow," was all I could manage to gasp as I came down from my high.

"I didn't know you had Tourette's Bella, you have got one filthy mouth on you. I definitely got the Dolby surround version!" Edward laughed quietly into my ear. Realising what I had shouted I felt my already flushed body get all the redder, my blush no longer restricted to my face.

"I never imagined it would be like that," I sighed, rolling over to face Edward and kissing him lightly on the lips.

"Was that your first orgasm Isabella?" he asked, raising his eyebrow and a small grin appearing on the edge of his lips.

"Yes" I mumbled. My fingers playing with the waistband of Edwards boxers.

Yes it was true. I was a 17, no 18, year old virgin who had never had an orgasm up until now. Sure, I'd had a fiddle but nothing more. It was never something that bothered me too much. I could never _'get there'_ and in all honesty it made me feel a little dirty.

I looked up, slightly nervous as to what his reaction would be to this new piece of information, but Edward had the biggest shit eating grin I have ever seen in my life plastered across his face. "Yes, Cullen. You can add that to your score card. You gave my my first _'Big O'._"

As I felt the cotton of his boxers touch my skin I realised something wasn't quite right. What was missing. Looking down I saw exactly what it was.

"Where are my shorts?" I asked Edward who was busy nibbling on my neck, whilst pulling my tank top down slightly to try and cover myself.

"They got in the way," he mumbled against my skin.

"_How on earth did I not notice them being removed. I dread to think what else he could have gotten away with without me realising. Ah, who fucking cares..." _

As I thought it over, it occurred to me that I really didn't care. A barrier had been broken down and I had no intention of rebuilding it. Edward could have full access to my muff any time - day or night - if the result was going to be what I had just experienced.

"I think it's your turn" I whispered suggestively into his ear as my hands snaked down his chest to his abdomen, my fingers tangling in his happy trail. "Considering we were so rudely interrupted by Alice the other morning..." Edward moaned in response and that was all the encouragement I needed.

I pulled his boxers down and his erection sprang into view, lightly bouncing against his lower stomach. I gently brushed my thumb over the tip causing Edward to release a long ragged breath. Tentatively lifting it away from his body and feeling it's full weight, I wrapped my hand around the shaft I began my slow rhythmic movement, trying to remember what I had done the other morning that had given me the best response.

As I glanced up at Edward his eyes were shut with his lips parted slightly. Kissing the side of his mouth I moved down slightly so my face was next to his stomach and began planting gentle kisses across his abdomen and around his belly button. As I stared at his dick a smile came to my lips. I wasn't just getting the wide-screen version, this was the full on 3D one!

I increased my pace, alternating pressure and swiping my thumb across the tip on my upward stroke. I could hear Edwards breathing becoming ragged as his stomach muscles rippled with tiny spasms.

I looked up to see his eyes scrunched and him gripping onto the bed sheet.

"Fuck Bella...I'm gonna...ungh."

No sooner had I taken my eyes from the job at hand, so to speak, I felt a warm wetness on my cheek.

Suddenly the door swung open. "Eddie boy, Bells..." Emmett voice boomed before stopping abruptly.

My eyes shot to the door as I bolted upright to find him standing with his mouth agape. There I sat, Edwards dick in one hand and his spunk dripping off my cheek.

"Bells, I didn't know you had it in you... or should I say _on_ you!" He thundered, before bursting out into hysterics and running from the room, slamming the door behind him. I could hear his heavy footsteps running down the hall _"Rosie... Hey Rose!"_

_Oh fuck. That's JUST what I needed. 'Gob Almighty' seeing that. I might as well emigrate now. I'll never live it down. I wonder if a nice Arab gentleman would be willing to trade a few camels for me?_

"What is it with your family and not knocking before entering a room?" I hissed at Edward who was flushed in the face but still had a smirk on his lips.

"Er Bella, you might want to wash your face," he laughed, pointing at what was dripping from my chin.

At that point I did something I never thought I'd ever do. I licked my lips and side of my mouth.

"W-w-what did you just do?" Edward asked, astonished.

"I just wanted to see what it tasted like," I shrugged.

"And?"

"Eh, not as bad as I thought it would be. Wouldn't spread it on a piece of toast though," I laughed, before getting off the bed and making my way to the bathroom.


	10. Cold Shoulders and Speedos

**Reviews gratefully received. _Constructive _criticism will only make the story better!**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 10 – Cold Shoulders and Speedos**

As we got to the top of the stairs I stopped, my stomach jumping into my throat. This was becoming somewhat of a habit, and not a nice one at that. The warm and fuzzy feeling from our escapades earlier had most definitely worn off and the only thing coursing through my body was dread and fear.

"Got a sudden sense of _déjà vu_?" Edward asked, kissing the top of my head and wrapping his arms around my waist so my back was pressed firmly against his chest.

"How many _walks of shame_ can one person possibly endure?" I whined, turning around and hiding my face in his t-shirt clad chest.

"Well at least I got to finish this time," he joked, nuzzling his nose next to my ear.

"Ew! That's not even the point! Emmett fucking walked in on me with your jizz up my face!" I groaned, lightly punching him in his chest before pushing away with a huff and turning back towards the stairs. "Let's get this over and done with. I'd rather a quick death than a long drawn out one."

As we got to the kitchen I could hear music and Alice singing along happily to it.

"_Oh come on, come on,_

_You've been messing with my head_

_for oh so long, now_

_Oh come on, come on,_

_You've been messing with my head_

_and it's oh so wrong, now_

_I can't take it no more,_

_No I, I can't take it no more"_

"Oh hey Bella, do you want some sour cream on your bagel?" she asked, cheerfully looking up from where she was preparing breakfast.

"I think Bella's had enough sour cream for one morning!" Emmett guffawed behind me amid severe hysterics, earning himself yet another slap across the back of the head from Rose. "Damn it woman! One day you're going to draw blood!" he moaned, rubbing his head and sulking off to the other room with his breakfast in hand.

"Ignore him Bells, he's just being a prick," Rose comforted whilst pouring herself a fresh cup of coffee.

"He told you?" I mumbled, as it broke my bagel into pieces, really not having an appetite all of a sudden.

"Yeah he did. Don't worry, it's your own business and nobody else's." She smiled, coming to perch on the stool beside me at the breakfast bar and placing her hand lightly on my thigh for reassurance.

Edward coughed behind me. "Er, I'm going to leave you ladies alone," he said nervously, looking at the room Emmett and Jasper were watching TV in. "Rose, how fond of Emmett's balls are you?"

"Just leave me one intact," she laughed.

"Told you what?" Alice piped up as soon as Edward had left the room.

"It's nothing, really Alice," I sighed, really not wanting to have to go into any sort of details with her concerning her brothers sex life.

"Aw come on! You have to tell me. Rose knows!" she whined, pouting to her limit like a toddler desperately trying to manipulate their parent into buying them some more sweets.

"Alice," Rose warned, giving her patented _'shut the fuck up or die'_ stare, causing Alice to turn on her heels and march off into the other room with the guys. Undoubtedly to try and extract the information from one of those. Maybe I should have told her myself and given the edited version. If she got it from Emmett I'm sure it would be the x-rated one and exaggerated.

"Thanks Rose," I sighed. "I just don't think I could cope with telling Alice about it. She's my best friend and all but she's Edward's sister and it's just weird right now."

"No worries Bells. You know where I am if you want to talk," she said, standing up and putting her empty cup in the sink. "Oh and don't worry about 'shit for brains' in there. He knows that if he oversteps the mark I'll reinstate the _'penis embargo,'_" she joked, squeezing my shoulder as she walked past and upstairs.

Rose always comes across as being a right bitch but deep down she is genuinely a lovely person. We've known each other since 8th grade and I must admit I was slightly afraid of her although we had classes together and would sit next to each other. When she got together with Emmett things changed, we became firm friends and along with Alice she's like the sister I never had.

I'd lost count of the amount of times she'd stuck up for me in school. I'll never forget the look on Tyler Crowley's face when she had him pinned against the lockers by his collar. She was a good foot taller than him and his toes were barely touching the floor. All because she heard him discussing the merits of my cleavage one day and his plans for me at the party that weekend.

As much as it pained me to keep things from Alice, I just couldn't come to her about this, not sober anyway.

I walked slowly into the lounge where the others had all congregated to watch re-runs of 'Fraggle Rock'. What the hell was I letting myself in for? Straightening my shoulders and holding my head up, I walked up to the open ready to take everything they had to throw at me. Emmett's crude jibes, Alice's whining and pouting,bring it on.

* * *

As I rounded the corner and walked into the lounge I didn't get the response I expected.

"Morning," I greeted anxiously.

Jasper kept his eyes trained on the TV just waving his hand to acknowledge my presence. Alice turned to face me turning a deep crimson before looking away again sharply _"Shit, what's he told her?" _I panicked. Emmett refused eye contact altogether which actually worried me more. He's either severely disgusted with me, or trying to stifle a horrid comment through pain of death from Rose.

I crossed the room as fast as possible without tripping on my feet and making an even bigger tit of myself., and sat on Edwards lap in the vain hope that he'd be able to protect me from any repercussions from the mornings events.

"So..." I began, trying to break the thick atmosphere in the room, only to be greeted with a blank stare from Alice and Emmett mumbling something unintelligible under his breath. "What are the plans for today?".

What the hell was going on here? Had I suddenly grown two heads or something? I was no different to the Bella who went to bed last night, well maybe a little different but that was between Edward and I. What did it have to do with everyone else? Had I ever treated them differently? God knows the amount of times I'd heard Emmett and Rose going at it through the night and had to face them in the morning.

"_These are supposed to be my best friends. Why are they treating me like a leper?"_ The thought brought a lump to my throat as I tried to stop the tears threatening to spill over.

"Well I thought we could spend the day lazing on the beach. The sun's out and I reckon we should make the most of it," Rose announced, walking through the door wearing a bikini and sarong causing Emmett's eyes to bug out of his head. "Lords knows we could do with a tan. We'd make vampires look bronzed!" she exclaimed looking around the room of pasty faces.

"Sounds good to me," Alice enthused, jumping up from her seat and bolting up the stairs with Jasper following shortly behind.

"Nice one," Emmett shouted, jumping up from his spot and clearing the room in a few strides, adjusting himself through his shorts.

"Em, just don't wear those speedo's!" Edward called after him grinning.

I laughed to myself thinking back to when Emmett's mother bought him a pair of dark blue speedo's for summer vacation. She packed them, forgetting his other swim shorts. The sight of him walking and picking them out of his ass around the beach and fiddling with his package really wasn't a pleasant thing to witness. The thing I'll never understand is why he didn't just wear another pair of normal shorts to swim in. I think he secretly enjoyed the snug fit.

"I haven't worn those since I was 12," he retorted, looking back over his shoulder

"Sixteen!" Edward chortled before being flipped off by Emmett.

"Down in Fraggle Rock, grab a fraggle by it's cock..._"_ Emmett starting singing up the stairs and twisting his head to wink at Edward. Yeah, I knew it was too good to be true.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked, noticing my amused expression

"Just the image of Em in those trunks," I giggled, getting up and walking towards the stairs to change.

"I'm not sure how to take that," he joked running up behind "You thinking about my cousin in a tight pair of speedo's," he said raising his eyebrow and smacking my behind.

"Ow, watch the ass!" I shouted before running up the stairs, Edward in hot pursuit.

As I exited the bathroom I was greeted with the sight of Edwards ass again as he pulled up his board shorts, unable to suppress the groan escaping from my throat. I could stare at that pert backside all day long and never get bored. As far as I was concerned it should be a recognised Olympic event – one I would get gold in every time.

"Quit staring Swan," he ordered without looking around.

"I wasn't staring... I was gazing in appreciation," I laughed, walking over and wrapping my arms around his waist and nuzzling into his broad back.

"Gazing, staring. Same difference. I'm not just a piece of meat you know?" he said, turning around and planting kisses along my neck and behind my ear, before holding me out at arms length and looking at me with his brow furrowed.

"What's that look for?" I asked uncomfortably.

"I was under the impression you'd be wearing a bikini," he pouted, pulling at the summer dress I was wearing.

"Oh I am, but you're not getting a sneak peak," I joked, punctuating the the last five words with a finger poke in his chest.

"Oh really?" he leered, his hand moving up my thigh and lifting the hem of my dress over my hips.

"What's gotten into you?" I laughed trying to pull it back down. "Who's this dirty lech and what have you done with my boyfriend?"

"Let's just say that after this morning I can't think of much else," he whispered in my ear.

"My God! It's like I've opened 'Pandora's Box!'" I exclaimed jokingly, throwing my hands in the air.

"It's not _Pandora's_ _box_ I'm interested in..." he smirked, running his hand up my inner thigh.

"I've created a monster!" I shrieked. "Hands off Cullen. It's time for some fun in the sun." I winked, grabbing my beach bag and taking his hand to lead him downstairs, sulking like a spoiled child.


	11. Beach Bunnies

**Reviews gratefully received. _Constructive _criticism will only make the story better!**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 11 – Beach Bunnies**

I settled down on my towel next to Alice and Rose, and enjoyed the feeling of the warm sun on my face as I sorted through my bag to retrieve my mp3 player, sunglasses and book. The beach was deserted, and the only noise shattering the peace was that of the boys kicking a football around further down towards the ocean.

"Jas, you dirty player! That was a foul!" Emmett shouted. "Edward you saw that!" he whined, before getting back up and chasing the other two back down the beach. I could see Edward checking me slyly every so often to see if my dress was off and _'_his girls' were on display.

"Ah, this is the life," Rose sighed as she lay down.

"Yep, sure is." Alice joined in rubbing sun lotion on before lying on her stomach reading one of the bazillion magazines she had brought with her. How much gossip could one person possibly absorb?

Those were the first three words she'd uttered since earlier in the kitchen, and they weren't even aimed towards me. _"If she doesn't get that pole out of her ass I'm going to have a word with her later"_ I thought to myself as I took my dress off and lay down to read listening to a melodic piano piece Edward had uploaded for me. It was an especially soothing piece of music and great to chill out to. Edward had played it for me several times on his piano and renamed it 'Bella's Lullaby'; as cheesy as it was, it's something I would cherish and take to the grave with me. Another thing 'Mr Perfect' can do flawlessly – play the piano. I tried to tinkle the ivories when I was younger, but my ridiculously small hands wouldn't reach so I gave up.

"Edward!" I heard Emmett and Jasper yelling, breaking through the air of tranquillity that had surrounded me. I lifted my head up to see Edward standing staring at me with his mouth agape, before a well timed kick sent the football hurtling towards the back of his head resulting in him chowing down on a good portion of the beach – face buried in the sand and ass sticking up in the air.

"Dude! What the fuck was that for?" Edward huffed, leaning back on his knees.

"I'd say it was your own fault for ogling me instead of keeping your mind in the game," I singsonged, covering my chest with my hands.

"Well what do you expect. You've got your headlights on full beam and they dazzled me," he laughed sticking his tongue out at me.

"You are blocking my sun Cullen!" Rose scowled, waving her hand around but not looking up. "Go and play your silly games with the other little boys."

Edward simply rolled his eyes before standing up and running back over to where the other two were bent over in a fit of hysterics.

"Which one of you dicks kicked that?" he bellowed as he sprinted over towards them.

"I'm going to get a drink. You want anything?" I asked, standing up and looking down to Rose and Alice. Rose simply waved me away and Alice ignored me. _"What is her fucking problem?"_ I huffed, as I stormed into the house.

As I stood in front of the sink in the cool kitchen trying to calm myself a small cough dragged me from my thoughts.

"What do you want Alice?" I asked flatly.

"To talk?" she replied tentatively, taking a seat at the breakfast bar.

"Oh so _now_ you want to talk?" I retorted, filling my glass with water and taking a long drink to stop me saying something I would most definitely regret later.

"Uh hmm" she mumbled, looking down at the counter avoiding all eye contact with me.

"So," I sighed. "Do you want to tell me why you've been giving me the cold shoulder all morning and making me feel like a fucking leper? Is it because of what happened this morning? What did that dipshit tell you?" I shouted, now losing my temper and slamming my glass down on the counter causing the water to spill everywhere.

"No. I don't know anything about this morning. I...I...I can't tell you," she whispered "And you're the one person I want to tell more than anything." Wiping a tear from her eye, her chin began to quiver and I knew we were mere seconds away from a full blown sob.

As pissed as I was with her I couldn't stand there watching my best friend get upset. I sat down on the stool next to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulder. He whole body was wracked with sobs as she wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace, resting her head on my chest.

"Alice, you're not... you're not... are you?" I began, stroking her hair, unsure whether I wanted to ask the question, never mind hear the answer.

"Oh hell no!" she exclaimed sitting abruptly "I'm not that stupid! Did you really think I was stupid enough to get knocked up?"

"Well no, not stupid, but I do think you need a tissue," I said, pointing to the snot running from her nose and now collecting on her top lip.

"So what is it?" I asked twisting in the chair to face her full on, handing her a much needed tissue.

"Jas asked me to marry him last night, and I said yes," she smiled pulling a small diamond ring out of her pocket with shaky hands.

"That's amazing!" I shrieked, wrapping my arms around her neck.

"Shush!" she hissed holding her hand over my mouth, which I'm sure had snot on it. Trying not to think of what bodily fluids could be invading my mouth, I simply nodded so she would remove it. "It's a secret. You're the only one here that knows. We were waiting to tell everyone after we'd told the parents."

"Is that why you were so pissy with me? I don't understand," I asked, confused.

"Well I was going to tell you after breakfast, but then all that crap with Emmett happened and Rose told me to mind my own business. I just, I just don't know" she sighed, shrugging her shoulders.

"Alice you stupid little midget," I laughed, handing her another tissue as she stood up and looked in the mirror ensuring her face was mucus free. "All of this shit for nothing."

"So we're cool?" She asked, looking at me in the reflection.

"Of course we are," I giggled standing behind her. "Oh I think you missed a bit" I joked, pointing to her top lip.

"Well there are worse things I could have dripping off my face!" she chuckled whilst winking at me, before skipping off to the other side of the room to splash her face with cold water.

"Wh-w-w-w...you knew all along?" I screamed at her.

"Yup!" she smirked, grabbing a coke before linking arms with me and dragging me back outside.

* * *

"So you two have sorted out your little tiff then?" Rose asked, looking up and pulling her sunglasses down her nose so she could eyeball us.

"Yeah, it was something and nothing," Alice shrugged.

"A stupid misunderstanding," I confirmed to stop the game of twenty questions I'm sure Rose would want to play.

"Good you were starting to give a headache," she said flatly before lying back down. Rose was never one to mince her words and silent treatment just riles her even more. If there was ever an issue with her she'd tell you straight away and it would be cleared up there and then.

"Cullen! What have I told about standing in my sun?" she warned, looking up to see the three guys all standing over us.

"What were you gossiping about?" Jasper asked with a grin on his face.

"Oh, we were just discussing which of you is most pigeon chested," Rose said matter of factly.

"And?" the three of them chorused together in response.

Rose sat up straight as if she was picking out a new lipstick, running her finger along the line and stopping at Edward. "Edward," she announced, before lying back down.

Jasper and Emmett snickered nudging each other, causing Edward to frown and suck his stomach in to examine his chest and poke his pecks with his finger.

"You think that too?" he asked feigning hurt and pouting. I simply shrugged giving my best innocent face. "You think that too?" he repeated, leaning down and staring my in the eyes menacingly.

"No," I managed to squeak before being hoisted over his shoulder. "No!" I shrieked as he started running down the beach with me smacking my ass. "Put me down you bastard!" Gripping onto the waistband of his shorts, I could see the ocean under my head. "You wouldn't dare," I warned.

"Oh wouldn't I?" he laughed, bending his knees so my hair got wet.

"I swear to God Cullen! You drop me and this is the closest you're getting to my ass for the foreseeable future!" I gasped, as a wave hit his stomach and splashed into my face.

"Who says it's your ass I'm into? I'm very sorry Bella but that just doesn't float my boat," he joked smacking my rear again. "Now. Apologise."

"Fine, fine! Edward I apologise. You do not have a pigeon chest. You have a very lovely chest!" I shrieked as I felt the distinct sensation of teeth biting my right butt cheek.

"Ok, all is forgiven. Now where's my proper apology?" he smirked, lowering me down and holding me against his chest, not letting my feet touch the floor.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and my lips met his. Swiping my tongue across his lower lip he deepened the kiss. Holding me tighter to his body I felt him harden against my abdomen and ground my hips against it earning guttural groan from him. His hands moved lower to cup my rear and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he sucked and nibbled on my neck. _"_Ugh Bella" he moaned, as I continued to grind against him, before pushing against his chest and jumping down.

"I'll be up by the house if you need me," I laughed, running out of the ocean and leaving him stranded looking perplexed with a raging boner.

"You cannot be serious Swan! Fucking tease!" he bellowed after me.

"Pay back's a bitch!" I shouted back feeling extremely smug, as I jogged back up to where everyone else was sitting.

"What's wrong with Edward?" Alice asked, as I plonked back down on my towel.

"He just needs a minute to himself, to cool down," I said opening a can of soda and taking a sip.

"Oh you didn't?" Emmett guffawed, looking down at where Edward was standing all alone in the ocean, waist deep.

"Hey Eddie! You ok down there man?" he bellowed down only to be greeted with the finger from a very pissed off Edward. "I can't believe you did that to him Bells! Kudos!" he laughed, giving me a high five.

"Well he messed with the wrong person," I giggled, reaching for my book and music once more, revelling in the control I just experienced over Edward, but dreading what he might do later in revenge.

After what seemed like an eternity, I could feel drops of water on the backs of my legs as Edward flopped down onto the sand beside me pulling my earphones out of my ears.

"Very sneaky Swan," he whispered. "I can't believe you did that to me." He chuckled quietly kissing me on the cheek.

"So you're not _too_ pissed off with me then?" I asked, turning onto my side to face him.

"No, I'm not. I must say I'm quite impressed that you pulled it off actually. Credit where it's due and all that," he laughed, tucking my hair behind me ear whilst reaching for my drink and finishing it off. "Just please don't make a habit of it. You wouldn't believe the things I had to imagine just so I could leave the ocean! I may actually be mentally scarred and I will never be able to look my _grandmother_ in the face again." He visibly shuddered at the thought as he pulled me on top of his body.

"Edward, put her down," Emmett ordered before throwing a ball at him "Who's up for a game of volleyball?"

"Count me out," I replied, imagining the carnage I could cause with the ball.

"Aw come on Bells, if you don't play the teams will be uneven," Emmett pouted, looking around at everyone else standing waiting for me to join them.

"Great, another guilt trip_"_ I huffed, getting to my feet and brushing the sand off my backside and legs.

"Ok, but I'm warning you all now. If anyone gets hurt I am taking absolutely no responsibility for it," I warned pointing my finger at everyone in turn.

"Deal! Now get your ass over here Swan so we can start," Emmett ordered from the opposite side of the net. The teams consisted of Emmett, Edward and I on one team, and Jasper, Alice and Rose on the other. I'm sure Emmett only chose my team to avoid being in the firing line. Usually he would relish being against me and trying to kick my ass.

"Bella! You're supposed to hit the ball back!" Emmett yelled, as I jumped out of the way of the ball, yet again causing the other team to score.

"Another point to us Emmie Bear," Rose taunted across the net.

"Stop yelling at me!" I screamed back at him. "I'm trying my best. I just don't like balls flying at my face!"

"Yeah right Bells," he replied with a smirk before serving once again.

"Just try your best sweetheart," Edward whispered into my ear trying to reassure me as he walked behind me. "Just hit the ball in any direction, don't worry. Get it in the air and Em or I will try to get it over the net."

"Ok," I muttered, wiggling my backside, popping my neck, cracking my knuckles and preparing myself for the next ball to come my way. I was going to show them.

Emmett served and the ball was returned by Rose, rather harder than expected and coming directly towards my face. I instinctively closed my eyes and threw my hands up in defence, hitting it rather impressively fast back across the net, only to hear a sickening thud.

"Oh my fucking God!" I heard Jasper screech. "My fucking nose! It's broken! It's fucking broken!" He was screaming, flapping his hands and hopping from one foot to the other, doing a great interpretation of some bizarre jazz dance.

"I'll grab the ice!" Edward shouted, bolting into the house whilst everyone else surrounded Jasper to inspect the damage.

"Oh my God, Jas I'm so sorry..." I started, looking at the blood pouring from his nose.

"Nah it's not broken. Stop being such a pansy," Emmett said, poking his bulky finger against the bridge of Jasper's already swollen nose.

"Ah what the fuck Em!" he screamed at the touch.

"I've got fucking studio portraits to be done next week with my family," he squealed once again, hopping between feet as Edward placed the ice pack on his face. "I'm going to look like the _'Elephant Man!_'"

"I'm sure they could edit the photo's later to remove the bruising," I offered, trying to be helpful but only receiving a glare from Jasper. "I'm really sorry Jas..." I mumbled as Edward wrapped his arms around me, and I hid my crimson face in his chest.

"Come on Jas, we need to get to the hospital," Alice soothed, wrapping her arm around his waist and directing him around the side of the house to the car. "I'm sure it's not broken but an x ray wouldn't hurt," I heard her comfort him as they walked away.

"I can't believe I just did that," I cried, looking up at Edward who planted a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"Don't worry Bella, Jas knows you'd never do anything to hurt him intentionally. It was just an accident," Rose said taking my hand ."Lets get inside to start dinner. I don't know about you but all of that exertion has given me an appetite. God-damn amazing shot though..." she laughed, shaking her head.

I prepared the pasta for dinner in my own little bubble. I couldn't get the sound of the ball hitting Jaspers nose or the sight of the blood out of my mind. What if I had broken it? How could I ever make it up to him? Me and my stupid inability at sport. Hell it's not that I just I'm not good at sport, I'm a lethal weapon.

"Bella, if you cook that pasta any more it will disintegrate," Rose said, walking behind me putting the plates and cutlery on the table.

"Dinners ready," she hollered to the guys sitting outside as I served up.

"Do you really not think I broke his nose?" I asked, taking two plates through to the lounge so we could eat in comfort.

"For the umpteenth time Bella, I doubt it," she replied following behind me. "Now stop worrying and eat something."

We ate in near silence. I could only pick at my food. I really had no appetite thinking about the worst possible scenarios with Jasper. Disfigurement, Alice having a gimpy husband... oh the possibilities were endless.

"_Do they even have freak shows any more? Maybe he could go into acting and be cast as the next Bond villain, they're always weird looking."_

"I must admit Bells, you make a mean veggie pasta," Emmett sighed, rubbing his stomach after finishing off his second helping.

"What film do you fancy watching?" Edward asked walking over to the shelf containing an impressive collection of DVD's.

"How about 'Dodgeball'?" Emmett chortled before being elbowed in the ribs by Rose.

"What? It's a great film!" he whined.

We eventually settled on watching some eighties comedy, and I settled in Edward's lap my face buried in the crook of his neck. With the lights dimmed it felt as though we were the only people in existence, apart from a loud laugh from Emmett every so often. I closed my eyes, safe and warm in Edwards embrace and felt myself doze, only to be woken by the sound of the door opening and Alice's voice announcing that they were back from the hospital.

Looking up, I could make out Jaspers face but not any detail. "Jas, I'm so sorry," I sighed as I climbed off Edwards lap, and made way over to where he was standing at the doorway.

"Thon't worry Belfs, nothings broken, no harm done," he smiled before wrapping me in a tight hug. "I thidn't mean to overreact. It thust freaked me out" he laughed. "Doc t'aid I'll just have thsome bruising and thwelling but nothing major."

"Oh Thank God!" I exclaimed. "Do you know how worried I've been? I was expecting you to come home with a face plaster or something on!"

"A face plaster?" he asked, raising his eyebrow with difficulty.

"Oh you know what I mean," I laughed smacking him in the shoulder playfully.

"Well now that I know your face is in one piece I'm going to go to bed" I yawned ,stretching my arms above my head and cracking my elbows.

"Yeah, can you not thoo that?" Jasper cringed. "It brings back badth memories!"

"Yeah very funny," I huffed, before padding up the stairs with Edward following behind "Night guys."


	12. Borrowing and Boobs

**Reviews gratefully received. **_**Constructive **_**criticism will only make the story better!**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 12 – Borrowing and Boobs**

"Morning gorgeous," Edward murmured in my ear, kissing my forehead as I snuggled further into his warm, naked chest.

"Mm mm," I sighed, taking in a deep breath of his scent, wrapping my leg over his hip and bringing our bodies flush. "Can we just stay in bed today?"

"That's the best idea you've had for a long time," he muttered, running his hands down my ribs before tucking them under my tank top and tracing lines lazily along the length of my side.

"Well I was due one," I chuckled, pushing him onto his back, straddling his waist and crashing my lips onto his. "Anyway, I don't see you complaining," I joked kissing his chest and wriggling my hips, feeling his erection pushing against me.

"Someone's feeling feisty this morning" he laughed, wrapping his arms around my back and holding me down on his chest, before rolling us over so he was settled between my legs. Looking into his deep emerald eyes I knew it was right. I wanted, no I needed, to feel him. All of him.

His hands danced across my stomach with feather-like touches. pushing my tank top up slightly only to be followed with his lips as he planted tender kisses towards the undersides of my breasts. "I love you Isabella," he murmured with his lips still against my flushed skin, before raising his head and looking me in the eye, silently asking for permission.

I simply nodded as he pulled my top up over my breasts and off my body, placing kisses along the valley of my chest. Feeling suddenly exposed and self-conscious, I covered myself with my arms only to be met with a frown.

"Bella, did you know that your blush isn't restricted to your face?" He laughed quietly whilst placing his lips at the top of my breasts and holding my wrists in his hands. "You are gorgeous, there's no reason to be embarrassed," he whispered, as he moved my arms to the side, his eyes taking in my completely exposed torso.

"How are my girls this morning?" he grinned lowering his head.

My heart was hammering and my body felt as though it was on fire as Edward took my left nipple in his mouth whilst massaging my right breast.

"_Damn! This boy is good!"_

My mind raced as I tried to control my breathing, a moan escaping from deep in my chest.

"E-Edward," I stammered, holding his face in my hands and bringing it up to my level, as my legs wrapped around his waist and I tried to push his boxers down his ass with my heels. "Is the door locked?"

His eyes penetrated me as he began to comprehend what I had just said. _"Hurry up and penetrate me with more than your fucking eyes..."_ I thought to myself, barely able to control my urges.

"Are you sure?" he asked nervously.

"I've never been so sure about anything in my life." I smiled softly before placing a gentle kiss on his lips before he jumped off me, locked the door and headed towards his bag lying in the floor on the opposite side of the room.

"Where the fuck are they?" he muttered to himself, frantically throwing things out and searching. "I know I put them in here..." Running his hands through his hair and gripping is harshly at the roots, he growled in frustration.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I sat up and wrapped the sheet around myself.

"I'm going to fucking kill him!" he hissed, turning around and throwing a piece of paper at me.

"What's that?" I asked, completely confused before looking at what was in my hand. Scrawled on a scrap of paper was Emmett's easily recognisable handwriting.

"_I.O.U BIG TIME EDDIE!"_

"He stole my fucking condoms!" Edward fumed, throwing himself back onto the bed looking flustered and rather red in the face.

"It's ok, don't worry." I tried to calm him, certain he was going to have an aneurysm if I didn't. Scooting down the bed slightly, I leant on his chest and ran my hand down his abdomen, resting my fingers at the waistband of his boxers. "We can still do it, I'm on the pill remember?"

"Don't be silly Bella!" he exclaimed sitting up right with his head in his hands. "You know how forgetful you are with taking it. I doubt it's even 10% effective with your track record," he sighed in defeat and closed his eyes.

"Excuse me?" I fumed, feeling my anger rise and moving back up the bed to lean against the headboard.

"Who had to remind you yesterday morning?" he asked, looking back over his shoulder "And what time is it right now?"

"Just after eleven."

"And what time were you supposed to take it this morning?"

"Seven," I mumbled, realising he was right and more in control of my reproductive cycle than I was.

He pushed himself back up the bed and lay next to me wrapping his arms around me and resting his head on my chest. "It's not the end of the world. We've got all the time in the world." He smiled softly, looking up at my face and brushing my hair off my sweaty brow.

"Oi! Romeo and Juliet! I don't care and most definitely do not want to know what you're doing in there, but you need to get your asses up and downstairs. We're leaving in ten minutes," Rose bellowed from outside the door and knocking loudly. "I've had Alice throwing a hissy fit down there, and if you want your sister in one piece Cullen you'll move quickly!" she ordered before I could hear her heels disappear down the hallway.

"Ugh!" Edward groaned, as he pushed himself up and away from me. "How many times can one guy get cock-blocked?"

"Well at least she didn't come in," I laughed ,spinning my legs off the bed and walking towards the bathroom.

"Yeah the one time there's nothing to see! Typical!" he huffed, following after me.

"Er, that wasn't an invitation Cullen..." I chuckled, trying to close the bathroom door on him only to be stopped.

"Aw, come on Bella! You could at least finish what you started." He pouted, pointing to his tenting boxers.

"Fine, we'll have to be quick though," I laughed, attacking his lips with mine and pulling him into the room by his waistband

"Oh, I really don't think _that_ will be a problem," he smirked as he closed the door behind him.

* * *

"Nothing you want to share with the rest of the group this morning Bella?" Emmett asked as I hurriedly made my way into the kitchen to grab a coffee and some cereal - preparing to be berated by Alice for taking more time in the shower than is acceptable.

"No I don't, but you should prepare yourself for the reaming of a lifetime when Edward sees you," I scoffed through a mouthful of cereal. "You do know that theft is a criminal offence. Maybe I should get Charlie onto you."

"Yeah and I'd like to see you explain that one to your Dad," he laughed, slapping me on the back before grabbing the orange juice from the fridge and taking a long swig from the carton.

"How many times have I told you about that?" Alice scolded, snatching the carton from his hands and spilling some juice down his shirt. "We don't all want your germs!"

"Tell ya what Bells..." Emmett started as he rummaged through the pocket of his jeans. "Here's $10. Get as many as you can and have a couple on me." He winked handing the cash over and had a grin the size of Texas plastered across his face..

"What's that for?" Alice asked, glancing over whilst pouring herself a drink.

"Oh I borrowed Edward's rubbers and he's pissed," Emmett replied matter-of-factly.

"You did not borrow them. _Borrowing_ implies that you will return them after use!" I shuddered, trying to block out the image of Rose riding Em like a cowgirl. Yes I had seen the outfits.

"Well if you want them back they're still in the..." he grinned, turning around to leave the room.

"Ew! Ew! Ew!" Alice screamed, covering her ears not wanting to hear the end of his sentence. "Get your stuff together. I wanted to be out of this place an hour ago. Rose, Jas, Edward, get your butts in action and meet us by the cars." she shouted up the stairs. "Bella you're riding with me." I knew that was a direct order on my behalf with no other option.

"There's no need to scream Alice," Edward moaned as he reached the bottom of the stairs, closely followed behind by Jasper wearing a pair of wayfarers trying to hide the now apparent bruises.

"Hows your face this morning?" I asked, lifting up his glasses to have a better look only to be met with eyes that could put a panda to shame.

"It's not too bad Bells. I'll just say I went to Rose's backstreet surgeon or something," he laughed, pulling his glasses back down and kissing my forehead.

"My backstreet what?" Rose asked, only catching part of the conversation.

"Surgeon," I muttered, glancing down at her chest and walking away.

"Surgeon?" she exclaimed. "I did not have a boob job! It was re-constructive surgery. One was bigger than the other so I had it fixed." She huffed before flouncing out of the door to join Emmett who was already waiting by his Jeep.

Rose must have thought we were all dense. You don't have 're-constructive surgery', as she put it, and then come back two cup sizes larger. Plus, her boobs were most definitely not lop-sided to start with. Personally, I've never understood the desire to have your breasts hacked at through choice. Ok, mine aren't the biggest but there's no way on this planet that I'd have that done. With my luck I'd have post operative complications and it would probably end up with my nipples falling off or something later.

"Come on kiddies! Shopping awaits!" Alice announced, directing Edward and Jasper out of the door. "The sales await no man," came the order as they were practically pushed down the steps and towards the cars, Jasper automatically making his way to the passenger side of the Porsche.

"Oh no you don't Whitlock. Bella's riding with me. You can join the minions in the Jeep," Alice chirped, closing the door and removing his hand from it. "Bella get in."

My stomach was in knots thinking about the inquisition I was about to face. Just Alice and I alone, stuck in an enclosed space with no means of escape. She obviously knew what the score card read between Edward and I. Any other sister would steer clear of talk concerning her brother's sex life but not Alice. I think she sometimes forgot the family connection. I carefully lowered myself into the car, taking care not to drop too quickly on my tender ass and buckled my seat belt before she jumped in, immediately turning the stereo on and revving the engine to within an inch of it's life.

"Alice, just because it says the car can do nearly 200mph does not mean it's a challenge!" I shrieked, as she put her foot down and sped along the driveway.

"It's all part of the fun!" she yelled back above the music. Edward, Alice and Emmett are all cut from the same Cullen cloth, speeding around town like Satan's chasing them, whereas I'm quite happy with my old Chevy truck with a top speed of 45mph, that sounds like it's about to take off when going over 40mph.

"So..." she started, turning the music down to a level not conducive of bleeding from the ears. "How's you?" she asked, giving my a sly sideways glance.

"_Just get to the fucking point Alice! Have I deflowered your brother yet? Just ask the God-forsaken question and let's get this over and done with"_ I thought to myself, my cursed blush invading my cheeks.

"Fine, why?" I replied, feigning ignorance of where she was going with the line of questioning.

"Just asking, that's all," she shrugged, slowing the car slightly as we reached a more populated area. "You seem really happy, and there's something different about you."

"Yeah, well I _am_ happy," I smiled, turning to look out the window so Alice couldn't see the shit eating grin I was currently wearing.

Something different about me? I suppose there is something different about me. For as long as I could remember I had been self conscious when it comes to my body, and made it a bit of a habit to push away anyone who wanted to get close to me. Maybe Edward was the key to unlocking all of my inhibitions, after all, there's no denying that 'randy Bella' had surfaced over the past few days.

"Is that all you've got to say?" Alice asked, glancing over towards me.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" I ordered, fearing impending death and destruction.

"Fine, fine but you seem to have changed slightly Bella. I don't know...more confident," she began, as we turned into the parking lot to the mall.

"Well I suppose I have changed a bit. I've had a bit of an epiphany if you will," I admitted, looking at the floor of the car and letting my hair fall down to cover the side of my face. I didn't want her to see how crimson I had turned. That would only add fuel to the fire with Alice.

"Oh, you've done it haven't you!" she exclaimed, stopping the car abruptly in a space, causing me to jolt forward and the belt to dig into my neck slightly.

"No, Alice. I can assure you that Edwards virtue is still intact, and if you inflict any more whiplash on me it will remain that way for some more time to come," I huffed as I struggled to climb out of the ridiculously small car to meet the others who had parked a few spaces away.

"_Why on earth would you want to sit three inches above the ground, stupid bloody sports car"_

It was decided that we would split up for a couple of hours, the boys could go shopping in the fun stores and I would be dragged around various clothes stores and boutiques with Alice and Rosalie.

"_Note to self, remember to 'ooh and ah' in the right places"._

_

* * *

_

A typical shopping trip usually involved me sitting in the corner, bored out of my mind, while they tried on every item within sight and replying to their questions with well rehearsed comments.

"_No Alice, your bum does not look big in that."_

"_Yes Rosalie, your tits look great in that and no, they don't look lop-sided."_

The most painful part being that Alice is always determined to bankrupt me, forcing me to buy stuff I neither needed or thought of as particularly nice. Of course, she'd consider the clothes to be amazing and her judgement is never wrong. Is it?

This trip did not disappoint. The past two hours had gone exactly how I had expected. My feet were on fire and my throat was as dry as a camels ass during a drought. The only bonus being that I'd resisted Alice's attempts on my wallet and only bought a necklace I thought was pretty cute. I couldn't wait to meet the guys and the relative sanity they could provide, even with Emmett present.

As we rounded the corner on our way to the food court, I could hear a commotion, only to see Emmett bouncing around playing 'Dance Dance Revolution', hollering and jeering at the other two whenever he got it right. Boy's really never grow up, they just turn into huge toddlers.

"Oh Jesus! Some please tell me what I see in him?" Rosalie sighed, smacking her forehead as soon as she saw her bear of a boyfriend playing around, and wiggling his ass on the arcade machine.

"Well from what I heard last night there seems to be one big thing..." Alice smirked, nudging her in the ribs, before skipping off and into the arms of a relieved Jasper.

"Hey beautiful," Edward greeted ,walking over and pulling me into his body. "Did you miss me?" he murmured, placing a gentle kiss on the side of my neck.

"Eh, not so much," I joked, patting him on the backside and moving away to the counter to buy a drink.

"Oh charming," he laughed, following close behind.

As we settled down at one of the few vacant tables, I made short work of my coke, enjoying as it quelled the dry burning in my throat. I glanced over at Rose and Emmett who were still at the arcade, but had switched places so it was now Rose showing Em how it's done. _"Just as bad as him"_ I laughed to myself. Alice and Jasper were standing over in the corner having a quiet personal conversation. Just watching my four best friends with their respective partners, it was blatantly obvious how they were made for each other and I let out a content sigh.

"What's up?" Edward asked noticing my expression.

"Nothing, just can't believe how perfect everything feels right now. With all of us really. I can't remember the last time I was this happy." I smiled putting my hand on his thigh and leaning on his shoulder.

"I love you Bella," he whispered, putting his hand on top of mine and placing a kiss on my cheek before looking up startled.

I followed his gaze to be met with a sight I loathed. There was no doubting who the the frizzy red hair and _'fuck me hard up a back alley boots'_ belonged to. My heart sank as she spotted us and made her way over to where we were sitting.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" I hissed into Edward's ear, who in return froze on the spot looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights.


	13. Would You Like Desert?

**Reviews gratefully received. **_**Constructive **_**criticism will only make the story better!**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 13 – Would You Like Desert?**

"Edward!" she shrieked. Her voice grated with me like nails down a chalkboard. "Fancy seeing you here."

'Ginger-snap' sauntered across the food court flicking her hair and adjusting her top, obviously trying to accentuate her boobs. Dressed in a red mini skirt, knee length 'fuck me boots' and a black tube top she looked as though she'd taken a wrong turning on her way to sunset boulevard. _"Such class,"_ I thought, rolling my eyes and looking in the opposite direction.

"Tanya," Edward replied under his breath, a fake smile plastered across his face. "How come you're out here?"

"Oh, my Dad said you guys were all coming out for a break this week. Thought I might just pop over and maybe catch up," she grinned as she sat down, shooting a smirk my way to which I responded with my patented death glare.

Tanya Denali. Or as I like to refer to her_ 'Do me hard Denali'_. Her father has been friends with Carlisle, Edward and Alice's, for many years and we were all thrown together during vacations growing up. We have a mutual hate/hate relationship and all the others feel the same about her but things have to be kept civil as to not cause a rift between the two families.

I had always been the main target for her distaste, purely due to jealousy though. You see, Tanya's always had a bit of a 'thing' for Edward but he's always made it quite clear that the feelings are not reciprocated. It's common knowledge that she believes I, Bella Swan - Edwards best friend - is the only thing standing in the way of their true love; not the fact that she repulses him in every way and that he'd rather dip his dick into hot oil than her diseased hole.

Little did she know the reason he'd never touch her now. That he's got me. _"Bring it on bitch!"_ I thought smugly to myself, smiling sweetly across the table to her taking a loud slurp from my coke.

I glanced over to Rose and Emmett by the arcade. Rose was standing with her arms across her chest, scowling. With no worries about any family loyalty, she's just itching for the time to come when she can rip Tanya's head off and spit down her neck. Sensing the tension and not wanting bail Rose out of jail, again, Emmett put his arm around her shoulders. Whether that was for comfort or to hold her back I don't know, but I'd put money on the latter.

"So Edward… having fun?" She flirted, leaning down just enough to give him an eyeful of her cleavage.

"We've been having a great time, thank you Tanya," I cut in, leaning against him slightly and squeezing his thigh a bit tighter.

"Yeah whatever," she dismissed me. "So Edward, what are your plans for the next couple of days?"

"Er, um," he stuttered.

"Tanya, what a surprise," Alice interrupted, as she skipped over and sat down next to her followed by a reluctant Jasper.

"Oh hey Alice," she greeted, throwing her arms around a very uncomfortable Alice. Upon contact Alice physically stiffened and turned her head towards us with her nose scrunched in disgust. Trying to stifle my laughter, I took a long slurp of my drink again looking down at the table which had all of a sudden become very interesting.

"Jasper, great to see you," she greeted, starting to stand. Sensing her next move would involve bodily contact, he just put his hand up to stop her and nodded before sitting down on the other side of Alice.

"So what are you guys up to? You didn't answer me Edward?" she chided, before poking her finger into his chest.

"_Get your dirty fucking finger off my man!"_ I screamed in my mind. _"Wow, never thought I'd be one of those girlfriends…she really does bring out my possessive psychotic side."_

"Well we're busy right now. Got some more shopping to do and then dinner later," Alice replied for Edward who sat still looking in shock.

"Well how about tomorrow night? Make it a bit of a party before you go back to Forks?"

"_Why can't I think of something we could be doing? Why, why, why? Think Bella, think, Godammit!"_

"Sounds good," I said through gritted teeth.

"Cool, well we better be going," Alice piped up before getting out of her seat swiftly and taking Jasper with her.

"Yeah, bye Tanya," I smiled sweetly, before leaning against Edward, kissing him hard on the lips and moaning as I ran my hands through his hair, before jumping up and grabbing his hand to join the others.

"_Take a good look bitch!"_

As I sauntered off with Edward I took a glance over my shoulder to see Tanya sitting with a face like thunder._ "1-0 to team Swan."_

"If you wanted to get your point across any clearer why didn't you just take me on the table in front of her?" he whispered in my ear and wrapping his arm around my waist, before his hand took up residence on my butt "Hell, she may have even let you bunny bump against her as we got to it," he laughed.

"Bells that was awesome!" Rosalie cheered, giving me a high five as we reached the pharmacy. "The look on her face was priceless"

"I've got a few things to get in here," I said as we entered the store. "How about we meet you guys at the checkout?"

* * *

Edward and I meandered aimlessly down the aisles looking at nothing in particular. I knew which aisle we needed to go to but still felt awkward. I'd never bought condoms before and the thought of actually doing it embarrassed me thoroughly. I got the feeling Edward felt the same as we walked slowly to our destination, only to be confronted with a plethora of ones to choose from. Who knew there was so much choice when it came to bits of latex?

"What ones do you think we should get?" I asked Edward quietly, taking in the display in front of me.

"_Ribbed, studded, french ticklers, coloured, edible...what the fuck? Flavoured? Yeah just what I want. A strawberry flavoured dick"_ I mused to myself as I perused the shelves before my eye caught one brand in particular.

"_Glow in the dark?" _The image of Edward walking around naked with it on and only seeing his cock coming towards me glowing caused a giggle to escape. _"My own personal lightsaber"_

"What's with the giggling Swan?" Edward asked, taking his eyes from the two boxes in his hands. "Contraception is a very serious matter," he scolded jokingly with an exaggerated shake of his head and tut.

"Yes sir." I nodded taking one of the boxes out of his hand.

"Do you think there's a certain type we should buy for the first time? You know, since we're both virgins?" I asked studying the back of the box.

"Yeah I'm sure they do a special virgin condom," he laughed.

"Shut up! You know what I mean," I huffed elbowing him in the side. "What did you buy last time? You've obviously done this before to have had the stash that Emmett stole," I asked looking up at him to see him turning a decidedly bright shade of pink.

"I got them from a machine. Did it quickly and didn't really notice what they were. Didn't linger as it was during the rest stop on the way to the beach. I didn't want Emmett to walk into the men's room and see me buying them," he admitted shyly.

"Oh, well maybe we should just go for the bog-standard variety? We can always experiment a bit later." I winked at him, kissing him on the side of his neck.

"Eddie my man!" a voice bellowed from behind. "You know they don't come in kiddie sizes right?" Emmett laughed, slapping him on the shoulder only to be met with a gasp from a horrified looking elderly lady standing behind him.

"I, I, I…" he began looking flustered.

"Dude!" Edward hissed at him.

"I, I, I didn't mean _'kiddie sizes,'_" he stammered, looking extremely uncomfortable. "I meant in _small_…"

"You'd better start digging, that hole is getting bigger by the second!" I laughed, fully enjoying the fact his crude jibe had come back to bite him in the ass in spectacular style.

"Young man! You need to wash your mouth out with soap! I don't know, saying such a thing. It would never have happened in my day," the elderly woman scolded Emmett, who looked every inch the small child being told off with his shoulders hunched.

"Yes ma'am," he mumbled, looking down at the floor before turning back to face us.

"I can't believe you said that!" I laughed reaching up to smack him playfully on the shoulder. "That was priceless."

"Burned by an old broad!" Edward mocked, before glancing back down at his selection in his hand to make sure it was the right one for the job, so to speak. "Right, I think we've had enough embarrassment in here," he said, holding my waist and walking us towards the cashier.

"Oh, dude. Good selection," Emmett commented, pointing to the box in Edward's hand. "I must say that Rose and I much prefer…" he started as we stood at the till.

"I really don't need to know!" I interrupted, dragging him away and walking towards Rose. "Please keep this to yourself Em," I pleaded as we got closer to the guys. "I just don't want everyone knowing about it. It only concerns Edward and I."

"Sure Bells. I promise," he replied, crossing his heart with his finger. Could he actually be serious? That he wouldn't tell anyone? As much of a douche Emmett can be, he is actually really sweet. I believed him, for now.

"Do you guys fancy getting something to eat now? An early dinner and then we can chill out back at the beach?" Alice asked as we all re-joined the group.

"Yeah sounds good to me," I replied as Edward came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing the top of my head. If he continued in that fashion, we'd be visiting that aisle to restock before going home. Just the place I wanted to get turned on - in the middle of a mall surrounded by all my friends and hundreds of other people.

I could easily imagine the tabloid headlines. _"Randy Police Chiefs daughter gets her groove on with unsuspecting boyfriend at Walgreen's."_

"Any suggestions?" Rose asked, interrupting Emmett before he had chance to open his mouth. "We are _not_ going to Chuck. E Cheese _again_!" He just huffed and sulked out of the door.

"How about that nice Italian we went to last year?" Jasper offered.

"Oh yeah. Their mushroom ravioli is to die for," Alice enthused as we made our way out to the cars.

* * *

The restaurant was very small and quaint; the sort of place that would be perfect for a romantic meal with your loved one. The atmosphere was cosy with most of the light coming from the candles on each table and dotted around the décor. 'Debussy' was playing softly as background music.

"Table for six please?" Jasper asked as we entered.

We were shown to a round booth in the bottom corner of the restaurant. Big enough to seat everyone around comfortably and could all see each other and chat easily. Edward and I sat in the middle with Emmett, and Rosalie on one side and Alice and Jasper on the other.

"Hmm everything sounds delicious," I sighed, looking through the menu.

"I know of something else a lot tastier," Edward whispered into my ear, as his hand found my thigh and squeezed gently causing me to spill some of my water. Of course, that didn't go unnoticed by Alice who gave me a confused look.

His hand continued to move up my leg and disappeared under the hem of the summer dress I was wearing. Knowing exactly what he was doing, I grabbed his wrist to stop him and gave him a stern look, to which he simply replied by raising his eyebrows and smirking. My body was on fire and every movement of his hand sent bolts of electricity up my spine.

"Can I take your orders please?" the waiter asked as I felt Edwards hand move higher and his fingers pressed against my still covered pussy.

"I'll have the mush…" I started, before feeling him apply more pressure and pull my legs apart slightly. To suppress the screech I knew would be coming, I feigned a coughing fit and grabbed my glass of water. "Sorry, dry throat," I excused before taking a sip of water.

"We'll both have the mushroom ravioli" Edward said, completely calm; the others none the wiser about his hand playing havoc with me under the table.

"Would you like some more water?" the waiter asked noticing my now empty glass.

"Y-Yes please," my voice wavered._ "He must think I'm a right idiot. Maybe he'll just pass it off as 'Care in the Community'."_

I bit down on my lip to try and stifle my groan as his hands played with the elastic on my panties, before moving away and one finger pressing down firmly. I glanced up to Edward who was chatting to Emmett about something very boring and sport's orientated.

"_How the hell can that bastard being so cool, calm and collected whilst driving me nuts and quite possibly leaving a sticky stain on the seat?" _I thought, trying to concentrate on something other than my flushed body and boyfriends roaming hand. I could feel my stomach tightening with every stroke of his finger as the waiter returned with our meals.

As he tried to place our meals in front of us, Edward removed his hand to make space and move our glasses and other obstructions on the table. The meals looked delicious but as Edward moved his hands back my eye caught something else; a very subtle move but none the less every bit meant for me to see. Pretending to wipe his nose he took a deep sniff of his finger and winked at me, causing my face to erupt and blush furiously. _"What the fuck! Has he really just done that?" _

"Mm, delicious." He smirked at me before his hand moved below the table once more.

His fingers danced along the elastic of my panties before dipping underneath and stroking me. He once again found my clit and rubbed it in little circles with his finger. I tried to concentrate on eating but I had no appetite all of a sudden, not for food anyway.

"Can you pass the salt please Edward?" Jasper asked from across the table. Edward complied and as he handed it over, he leant across me causing my nose to be assaulted with his sweet scent, sending my already overworked hormones into hyper drive.

"Ugh," I moaned, trying to hide it by putting more ravioli into my mouth.

"You ok Bella?" Rose asked looking over to me.

"Yeah, erm, it's just the ravioli is really good," I replied, hoping it would be good enough of an excuse for emitting such a moan during dinner.

"Yeah ok, it's good but there's no need to cream yourself over it!" She laughed before turning back to Emmett.

"_Oh if only she knew..." _I thought to myself as Edwards hand moved lower and I felt his digit at my entrance. As he slipped it inside my hips involuntarily bucked into his hand. How could something that felt so right, be so wrong? Oh yeah I'm sitting in a nice restaurant, having a meal with my friends whilst being finger fucked by my boyfriend. That could be why…

He continued his ministrations like a pro, whilst still conversing with the others normally. I, on the other hand was a wreck. My heart was pounding as I ground into his hand; his thumb working circles on my clit as his fingers working their magic elsewhere. I could feel my stomach tightening and that familiar tingling on my inside thighs start. I knew I was close but surely I couldn't have that happen here - especially after the _'Tourette's incident'_ last time. How the hell could I explain that one to them?

"Edward, stop…" I hissed into his ear, my breath ragged only to be completely ignored. If anything he increased the rate.

I could feel my orgasm flood over me as I dropped my fork and grabbed a napkin cover my mouth in a vain attempt to muffle my moans. As the full force of the orgasm hit me, all I could do was hold the napkin tight to my mouth and dig my nails into the soft leather seat below me.

"Ugh," I moaned, before following it quickly with a cough.

"You alright bells?" Emmett asked through a mouthful of meatballs, taking in my flushed appearance. "You look a bit red in the face."

"Yeah I'm fine," I managed to get out as I came down from my high. "I'm stuffed and it's a bit warm in here," I explained hoping it would be enough. Well it wasn't a complete lie. Edward's hands were still firmly in place.

Smirking, he removed his hand and wiped it on his napkin before dabbing his mouth with it, causing me to gasp slightly. Where the hell had that come from? I'd never seen Edward so brazen.

"Paybacks a bitch Swan," he whispered, mimicking what I had said to him on the beach.


	14. Sing When You're Winning

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 14 – Sing When You're Winning**

"Hmm," I sighed contently as the sun beamed through the window, dragging me from my peaceful slumber. It was still stupidly early, and remembering all that happened in the restaurant a few hours earlier I couldn't think of a better way to start my day; finishing what Edward had started last night. Hell, we had at least three hours before we'd be officially noted as missing. Also, with Edward's purchase yesterday there was really nothing stopping us this morning. I smiled to myself and rolled over to greet Edward in the best way I could, only to be confronted with a cold mattress instead of his warm, toned chest.

"Huh?" I mumbled, looking at the empty space in front of me. Casting my eyes around he wasn't anywhere to be seen, not even in the bathroom.

"Well there goes my chance at some good morning loving,'" I muttered to myself crawling out of bed and going to the bathroom. My bladder felt like a space hopper, unsurprising considering the amount of water I was forced to drink last night thanks to 'Mr McHorny'.

I stood in front of the mirror and inspected the image staring back at me. I really was a sight to behold in the morning. _"Edward must really love me, hell, I'm losing my own erection looking at that..."_ I laughed, running my hands through my tangled hair before getting into the shower and making short work of washing. It was never quite as fun without Edward.

As I made my way downstairs I could hear Emmett cursing from the kitchen. "Godammit! Agh! Fuck!" There he stood in front of a waffle iron with band aids on three fingers on his left hand.

"Emmett, what the hell are you doing?" I asked perplexed and making my over to him slowly.

"I'm trying to make waffles. What does it look like? Shit!" he screamed sucking on yet another burnt finger. "Why are these things so damn hot?" he whined turning to look at me.

I shook my head and laughed, before moving him away from the lethal weapon. "Move. They're supposed to be hot. That's the whole point," I laughed, rescuing the mixture he'd poured on and carrying on with making breakfast. "Where's Edward?" I asked, looking over my shoulder to Emmett, busy picking at his burnt finger tips.

"No idea. He and Rose went out about an hour ago. Said they had an errand to run and that they'd be back later," he shrugged, not looking up from what he was doing.

"They didn't say what they were doing?" This was very unlike Edward. Even before we got together he would let me know where he was going. He was well aware of how I hate being out of the loop.

"All I know is that they've taken my Jeep and will be gone a few hours," he mumbled, sucking on his index finger and wincing.

"What about Alice and Jasper?"

"They've got out for the day also. Gone for a drive down the coast. Apparently they wanted some _'alone'_ time," he replied eyeing the plate of waffles in front of him greedily. "Looks like it's just us for the day," he winked, shoving a fork full in his mouth.

"Great," I mumbled under my breath. Sure, I loved Emmett but a whole day alone with him? The whole situation had potential for ending in a very bad way - namely him with concussion.

"Bella, I'm hurt," he mocked, pouting for all he was worth. "Is being around me such a bad thing?"

"No, I didn't mean that…" I sighed, sitting down next to him with my own food. "I was just kind of hoping to spend the last full day here with Edward and the rest of the gang. They didn't say anything about where they were going?"

"Nope, I tried to push Rose but she said that if I wanted the good loving tonight, no TV or anything, I wouldn't asked any more questions," he laughed through a mouthful of waffles "And there's no way I'm looking that gift-horse in the mouth!"

"Yeah," I muttered into my glass of juice. If there was one thing I hate most, it was secrets. They could only lead to bad things in my experience. If something has to be kept away from people it can't be good, right?

"Anyway Bells, we've got the party to look forward to tonight remember?" He nudged my side and got up to put his plate in the sink.

"Yeah but bitch tits will be here," I moaned.

"Hey that's no way to talk about Rose!" he laughed, putting his arms around me from behind and kissing the top of my head.

"I'll tell her you said that!" I scolded, smacking his chest lightly.

"No, God no! Please don't!" he laughed, walking into the lounge and turning on the TV. "That woman's got a mean left hook!" He chuckled before singing along to _'The Gummi Bears'_ theme tune.

"_What is it with those Cullen boys and their 80's cartoons?"_ I thought to myself as I loaded the dishwasher and went back upstairs to grab my book and mp3 player.

"_Gummi Bears! Bouncing here and there and everywhere. High adventure that's beyond compare. They are the Gummi Bears..."_

It was going to be a long, long day.

* * *

The day seemed to drag on forever while I was alone. I'd always enjoyed my own company but it's not the same when you're away from home. Emmett had disappeared into his room hours ago and I had no interest in what he was doing right now. I'd pottered, tidied, had lunch, read, pottered some more and tried to nap. _"Is it actually possible for time to go backwards?"_ I thought to myself as I settled on the decking and looked out over the ocean.

"Hey Bells," Emmett greeted, stretching in the doorway and obviously having just rolled out of bed.

"Hey you," I replied not looking away from the ocean. "Is it me or is this the longest day in recorded history?"

"Wanna do something fun?" he asked, plonking himself down next to me.

"Such as?" I asked, glancing over to him.

"I don't know, you decide." He smiled back.

"Erm," I mumbled, trying to think of something worthwhile. "How about a game of arm wrestling?"

"_You_ want a game of arm wrestling with _me_?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah, why not?" I asked innocently.

"Well, Bella, you see you're a feeble little woman and I'm all man!" he mocked, puffing out his chest and poking me in the ribs.

"Games on _wart boy!_" I scolded as I got up and made my way to the table.

"Oh this is war jizz face!" he boomed, following closely behind and rubbing his hands together in glee.

As we sat opposite each other, I tried to give him my best eyeball stare, failing miserable and only receiving a smug laugh from Emmett.

"You do realise you stand no chance against me right?" he laughed as we took the strain.

I'm not stupid, I knew there was no way he'd ever use his full strength against me. Hell, if he did my humerus would probably just turn to dust! He was grinning at me like the Easter Bunny on Prozac and I decided it was time to make my move. Leaning forward just enough to give Emmett an eyeful of my cleavage, his attention was immediately taken from the game at hand. that instant I grabbed with my other and forced his one arm down with both of mine.

"Victory!" I hollered, jumping up and doing my best touch down dance. "How does it feel to be beaten by a feeble little woman?" I mocked, fully enjoying it.

"No way! You cheated!" he huffed, standing up.

"Cheated at what?" came Edwards voice from the doorway, stopping me mid celebration.

"I beat him in an arm wrestle!" I sang, running over and launching myself into Edward's body and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"She cheated!" Emmett whined from behind me.

"Did she do the old_ 'tit trick'_ on you?" Edward laughed looking over my head. "Can't believe you fell for that one Em. That's exactly why I never play against her...or any other woman actually," he joked before kissing me gently on the lips. "I missed you today."

"I missed you too. Where the hell have you been? It's been hours," I moaned.

"We had errands to run and we got some alcohol for tonight," Rose announced behind Edward, holding up two heavy bags containing various spirits and beers.

"Don't ask anything else. You'll find out," he whispered in my ear sensing the round of twenty questions I was gearing up to play with them both.

"Fine," I huffed in defeat, untangling myself from his body and walking indoors to see what goodies they had bought. Not that I was drinking much tonight; I'd learnt my lesson the hard way last weekend. There was no way I wanted to endure that again for a long time.

As I was looking through the bags, my stomach churning at the sight of a bottle of tequila, the front door flew open and Alice skipped in looking her usual cheery self. The difference being that her clothes were dishevelled and there appeared to be sand in her hair. "Is the bitch here yet?"

"Have fun today?" I asked, ignoring her question and taking in her appearance. Alone time. Doesn't take a genius to know what those two have been up to today.

"Yeah it was great. I need a shower," she rushed, before running up the stairs.

"Hey Jas," I greeted as I saw him walked through the door adjusting himself through his shorts. "Sand chafes," I smirked as he avoided eye contact with me.

"Yeah, erm, um, I need a shower also," he mumbled before taking off up the stairs like a man possessed.

"_Oh that was fun," _I chuckled to myself. It made a change to be the one dishing it out rather than being on the receiving end.

Before being able to fully bask in my glory, I was interrupted by knocking at the door. That knocking could only mean one thing – she'd arrived.

"_Guess who's back, back again. Bitch is back, warn your friends…" _Emmett sang walking down the hallway towards me.

"Please tell me again why we have to put up with his insufferable whore?" I pleaded with Edward who had joined the greeting party at the door.

"Sweetheart, you _know_ why. Now let's just get this over and done with and then she'll be out of our lives. I swear," he whispered, kissing me tenderly on the lips and leaning to swing the door open to expose the full horror that awaited us.

He was right. I did know why but it didn't mean I agreed with it. One of the things I had always loved most about Edward was his fierce sense of loyalty to friends, and most importantly family. He idolised his father and would never do anything to hurt him. This, unfortunately, extended to tolerating Tanya Denali. He would never put his father in the position where it would cause problems between his family and closest friend. As much as it pained me, I would keep up the charade as long as I had to, although, that didn't mean I couldn't make her life miserable and get in as many digs possible!

* * *

And so there she stood - frizzy ginger hair caked in crusty gel and curled within an inch of its life, the tiniest dress I have ever witnessed and the skankiest six inch heels in existence. How Eleazar ever spawned this piece of shit I'd never understand.

"This will require vodka," Rosalie retorted as she spotted the latest arrival, spinning on her heels and hiding back in the kitchen, closely followed by Emmett who was more than grateful for the excuse to high tail it out of there.

"Edward! Greet to see you again!" she shrieked with her arms open wide as an invitation for a hug. Instinctively, Edward stepped backwards and held onto my waist, slightly pushing me into the firing line. _"Pussy,"_ I thought to myself.

"Glad you could make it," I greeted, cocking my head to the side and giving the cheesiest, toothy grin I could muster.

"Bella," was her flat reply, looking me up and down like a praying mantis eyeing up her next meal, before brushing herself past Edward as she entered the house.

"Ugh, this is going to be a long night," I groaned, leaning against Edward's chest before pulling away and dragging him towards the kitchen with me. "I need a drink, it might take away some of the pain."

"I thought you'd sworn off alcohol since last weekend," he laughed, smacking my ass as we entered the room. "Yeah I'm going to need one as well," he groaned, spotting Tanya leaning against the counter staring at him and sipping a glass of wine. "What do you fancy?"

"I'll just have a beer," I replied, making my way towards the fridge, feeling the full force of her glare at my back.

"So who's up for some karaoke?" Emmett asked loudly, breaking the uncomfortable silence in the room.

"Sounds good to me," I enthused, grateful for any distraction available.

"Cool, I'll set it up in the den," he grinned, rushing from the room. "Alice, Jasper, get your butts down here. It's karaoke time!" he bellowed up the stairs on his way out.

We all gathered in the den where the machine was set up and the alcohol began to flow freely. I'd always considered drinking as the best way forward whenever singing is involved - even if it is only amongst a few people. Personally, I was perfectly happy with my first beer in my hand. I really didn't feel like losing inhibitions tonight with Tanya around. I needed to stay sharp. Edward on the other hand was getting merrily sloshed along with the others.

"Don't expect any sympathy from me in the morning," I whispered into his ear as I snuggled into his lap.

"Unlike some people Miss Swan, I can take my drink," he slurred as he burped and blew in my face.

"Ew that's gross!" I screeched, pushing away from him and smacking him across the head.

Rose had kicked things off with her usual Whitney Houston rendition, followed by Alice singing Skunk Anansie.

"I'm up next," Emmett announced, getting out of his seat.

"_God, please not another Elvis number…"_ I prayed silently. Turned out God was on a break when I heard the intro and him clear his throat ready to belt it out for all he was worth.

_Baby let me be,  
Your lovin teddy bear  
Put a chain around my neck,  
And lead me anywhere  
Oh let me be  
Your teddy bear._

_I dont wanna be a tiger  
Cause tigers play too rough  
I dont wanna be a lion  
cause lions aint the kind  
You love enough.  
Just wanna be, your teddy bear  
Put a chain around my neck  
And lead me anywhere  
Oh let me be  
Your teddy bear._

"Emmett you soppy bastard!" Rose guffawed at his dedication to her during the song, lip curl included.

"Bella you're up next," Alice ordered, pointing to me and then over to the microphone. I knew exactly what to sing. _"Oh this is going to be good,"_ I thought smugly to myself as I scrolled through the lists of songs until I found the one I wanted.

"I'd like to dedicate this song to our very special guest for tonight. Tanya," I announced, taking the improvised stage and standing in the middle of the room. I didn't need to read the lyrics to this song. It was one of my father's favourites.

_Ginger hair and ruby lips  
sparks fly from her finger tips  
Echoed voices in the night  
she's a restless spirit on an endless flight_

_wooo hooo witchy woman, see how  
high she flies  
woo hoo witchy woman she got  
the moon in her eye_

_She held me spellbound in the night  
dancing shadows and firelight  
crazy laughter in another  
room and she drove herself to madness  
with a silver spoon_

Turning my head to look directly at Tanya, I decided to change the lyrics and get my point across good and hard.

_woo hoo __**bitchy**__ woman see how high she flies  
woo hoo __**bitchy**__ woman she got the moon in her eye_

_Well I know you want a lover,  
let me tell your brother, she's been sleeping  
in the Devil's bed._

"I need to powder my nose," Tanya blurted out, rushing from the room and not letting me finish my song.

"She's been powdering her nose a lot tonight," Alice commented as I sat down next to her.

"I'm going to check on her," Edward muttered, standing up and walking out the room with Rose hot on his heels. It wasn't unusual for him to 'check' on her when she threw one of her hissy fits, but Rose following him seemed a bit strange. She hated Tanya with every fiber of her being.

"Do you think I took it too far?" I asked Alice, worried that I had actually upset her this time.

"Nah, nothing more than she deserved," she dismissed, waving her hand and refilling her glass before settling back against Jasper.

"Well I'm going to use the bathroom," I excused myself, making my way up to our en-suite bathroom. I couldn't be bothered with bumping into her by using the downstairs one. At least I'd have some privacy using my own.

As I entered the room it looked amazing. The full moon was illuminating everything with a pale blue glow, and the only sound to be heard was the ocean lapping at the sand. "_If only the view from my room at home was like this," _I mused to myself as I made me way onto our balcony to enjoy the view and grab some fresh air. Staring out at the ocean, I felt completely at ease and content. Everything in my life seemed to be falling into place. I had the man of my dreams, who just happened to be my best friend also, and a fantastic group of friends who I knew would remain so for the rest of my life.

As I leaned on the railings something caught my eye. Edward walking along the beach following Tanya and grabbing her arm as he reached her. "Stupid fucking drama queen," I huffed watching the scene unfold in front of me.

"As if she thinks he'll fall for that one" I scoffed before being stopped in my tracks.

There he was, leaning in closer to her, their faces merely inches apart. My heart felt like it was about to tear in two. What the fuck was happening down there? I didn't need, no I couldn't see any more. Rushing out of my room, my mind racing and my heart pounding out of my chest, I just had to get away. As I reached the bottom of the stairs I caught sight of Alice's car keys, and without thinking, grabbed them and ran to the car, putting it in gear and speeding away before anyone, even myself had time to react. There was only one place I needed to be right now. Home.

The journey was a blur. I'd no idea how I got there or what speed I was doing before I saw the sign as I was entering Forks. _"How could he do that to me? What about all the promises we made to each other? Everything I had hoped for trashed. All the plans we had made together built on a lie. Could I really have been so foolish as to believe that he felt the same way I did?"_

Pulling up outside my house, I could see the TV still on in the livingroom which usually meant that Charlie had fallen asleep on the sofa. I climbed out of the car and leant against it trying to control my breathing. I was in no fit state to face my father right now. How could I explain to him that my so called soul mate had taken my heart, almost my virginity and tore them to shreds in front of my very eyes with someone who could only be described as nothing more than a cheap hooker? As I stood trying to compose myself and ignore the searing pain in my head and chest my phone buzzed in my pocket.

"_Bella where the fuck are you and where the fuck is my car? - Alice"_

I then noticed that I had sixteen missed calls from Edward and ten unread text messages. I hadn't even heard my phone until now. It must have taken at least two hours to get home, but I had little recollection of the majority of the journey. It was a miracle I was standing there alive and not wrapped around a tree somewhere. Shoving my phone back into my pocket, I made my way to the door and hurriedly opened it before running upstairs as quickly and quietly as possible.

"Bells? Is that you?" Charlie called, his voice full of sleep. "What's happened? It's nearly one am. What are you doing back? Did something happen with Edward?" he asked, following me upstairs and standing outside my door.

"Nothing's wrong Dad," I choked out between sobs. "We just had an argument and I decided to come home." My voice wavered trying to suppress my true feelings.

"Sweetheart, please let me in. I know you're not ok," he tried to comfort from outside.

"No Dad, please. Just leave me alone. I just want to sleep," I cried through my pillow, as I lay face down on my bed.

"Ok, if you need me you know where I am," he sighed, knocking a couple of times on the door. I could hear the floorboards creak as he made his way to his bedroom as my phone starting ringing again. Edward. I cut him off and put the phone back on my bedside table. I really couldn't listen to any of his excuses right now. He wouldn't take no for an answer though and the incessant ringing continued.

"Edward just leave me alone please," I sighed defeated, before cutting him off and turning the phone off. Yeah it would drive him mad but it was nothing more than he deserved after what he'd put me through.

I turned over and stared at the ceiling; the full realisation dawning on me. Everything I had believed in no longer meant anything. I knew that for tonight at least I would be left alone. Edward and the others had drunk far too much to drive back here. I closed my eyes, praying that slumber would take away my pain and take me to a happier place.

* * *

**Please hit that little link down there and let me know what you think ;) **


	15. Sex, Lies and Videotape

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 15– Sex, Lies and Videotape**

"Bella! I swear to fucking God! If you don't open this door I'll break it down with my bare hands and then rip you limb from limb!" Rosalie's furious voice bellowed from outside my room as her fist pounded on the door.

"Just leave me alone," I whimpered, my voice barely more than a whisper.

"No I will not leave you alone. Get out of that pit and face up to your responsibilities!" she roared, pounding even harder.

"Please Rose, just leave me alone. I don't want to see anyone," I cried, rolling over in bed and hiding my head under my pillow.

"Isabella! Open the door!" she ordered. "I've got the hangover from fucking hell, and woke up at the ass crack of dawn to drive back here and sort your sorry ass out. I am not leaving until you get over yourself and open the door!" she screamed as she continued to attack the door and adding a foot into the equation.

Trying to ignore her shouting, I wrapped the pillow harder around my ears.

"Bella, you have got precisely five seconds before I get in there and ram my foot so far up your ass you'll be wearing my toes for teeth!" she threatened as I reluctantly crawled out of bed in defeat and walked slowly to the door to unlock it.

"What the fuck is all this about?" she asked as she stormed in and stood glaring at me with her hands on her hips.

"Bella!" Edward burst into the room looking distraught and made his way over to where I was sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Get away from me!" I screamed hysterically. "I don't want to see you! How the fuck could you do that to me!" I clambered backwards towards the far corner of my bed, as far away from him as possible

"What have I done?" he asked, standing looking shocked.

"You know very well what you have done!" I screeched, my throat feeling like sandpaper through the combination of shouting and a whole night of crying. "Fucking Tanya! That's what!"

"What? Tanya?" he asked, looking surprised running his hands through his hair and pulling at it.

"Don't play stupid with me! I saw you! Last night on the beach all up on her shit!" I shrieked not caring anymore and letting the whole neighbourhood hear my business. None of it mattered anyway.

"Bella, you have got this so seriously wrong," he tried to comfort as he crawled up the bed towards me.

"Get away from me! Get away from me! Don't you fucking touch me again," I cried, kicking my legs around and punching him in the chest with all the energy I could muster. He responded by launching himself at me and pinning my hands beside my head, resting his weight on my body to hold me still.

"Listen to me! Fucking listen to me! I did not and never would touch that whore!" he snarled, his face only inches away from me. I looked into his eyes which were darker than usual and red around the rims with dark circles underneath them. "Fucking talk to me!" he shouted, shaking my body.

"I, I can't…" I whimpered. I had never seen this side of Edward before. I'd never seen his so angry and it, quite frankly, scared me.

"Edward get off her!" Rose ordered, pulling on the back of his shirt.

"Fine, at least I know where I stand now. That my girlfriend has zero trust in me. Thanks Bells," he sighed, as he crawled from on top of me and stalked to the other side of the room running his hands through his hair keeping his back to me, his shoulders hunched.

"Bella," Rose started as she sat on my bed and moved closer to me to wrap her arm around my shoulders. "I swear, you have got this so wrong. He didn't touch her. I promise," she whispered, brushing my hair away from my eyes.

"Is this the bit where you use the old cliché of 'it's not how it seems'?" I scoffed, moving away and sitting up straight. "Come on then! I'm waiting," I ordered, waving my hand around.

"Edward just put the God damn DVD on already. I've got a splitting headache is this is just making it worse. Let the queen of over reactions see what all the fuss is about," Rose sighed, pointing to my TV.

"_Christ on a cracker. I thought the Cullen's were bad when it came to melodrama…" _she huffed under her breath.

Edward shuffled to my TV, put the disc in and pressed play, before sitting in my old rocking chair holding his head in his hands. As pissed off as I was I couldn't bear seeing him looking so broken.

As I watched the screen, I could just make out a shaky image of some bushes and hear Rose cursing under her breath, before the camera was turned around and her face appeared on screen.

"_Cullen you owe me a new pair of shoes for this," she said, before turning it back to the action. As she made her way through the undergrowth Edward and Tanya came into shot._

"_I believe I have something you want," Edward said seductively to Tanya as their bodies got closer._

"_Baby you always have what I want," she cooed, grabbing hold of his belt and pulling his body closer to hers. "You know it's always been about us. Forget that Bella. She's not good enough for you. So plain and needy," she whispered, running her finger down his chest._

"I don't need to see this," I huffed, trying to get up from my bed only to be pushed back down by Rose.

"Just shut the hell up and watch," she ordered.

"_Oh I'm not talking about that." He smirked back at her. "I'm talking about something much better," he said, pulling something out of his top pocket._

"_Where did you get that?" she asked, looking surprised, trying to grab the small packet out of his hand._

"_You want it that bad?" he smiled, teasing her. "Come and get it."_

"_Stop playing games Edward. I'll share with you. What's mine is yours and stuff," she tried to bargain, again aiming to grab whatever it was he was holding. "I've got my own," she offered putting her hand into her bra._

"_Yeah, not anymore," he grinned, shaking the packet of white powder in front of her face._

"_What the fuck Cullen?" she snarled, realising what had happened. "That's my shit. You stole it?"_

"_The bitch is going down," Rose sang behind the camera._

"_Now I'm sure Daddy Dearest wouldn't be too happy to find out that his precious daughter is a smack and coke head," he sneered, lowering his face to hers._

"_Give it the fuck back!" she snarled, jumping towards him only to fall over._

_Upon impact, the camera shook violently and Rose could be heard having mild hysterics, only to be spotted by a furious Tanya._

"_What the fuck is going on here? You bitch!" she screamed, throwing herself towards the camera, only to be restrained by Edward. "I'm going to fucking kill you!" Tanya looked like a wild animal, her hair everywhere and eyes wide as saucers. Truly feral._

"_Oh I don't think you are!" Rose mocked, still laughing loudly. "You see this is all on camera now. If you don't want your precious little trust fund cut off you'll leave us all alone. We don't want your skank ass anywhere near us ever again."_

"_Stay the hell away from Me, Bella and the rest of my family. I don't want you anywhere fucking near me. Bella is worth a million of you!" Edward growled through gritted teeth._

"_Yeah and what are you going to do about it?" she snarled directly into the camera, before breaking free of Edward and flying towards Rose knocking it out of her hand so the only image was that of feet with the sounds of a brawl followed by screaming._

"Wh-wh-what," I muttered. "I don't understand." I stared blankly at the screen trying to comprehend what I had just witnessed.

"Yeah that bit at the end is where I broke the bitches nose," Rose stated triumphantly. "She ripped my blouse though. Which reminds me, Edward you now owe me for a pair of shoes and a top."

"Is this what you were both planning yesterday when you were gone for hours?" I asked dumbfounded.

"Yeah," Edward mumbled from his spot in the chair, his head still in his hands.

"We drove back here to pick up the camera. Never imagined it would have been like that though. Finding her coke was just a bonus. It was only supposed to be an admission of use on film. Not the goods on show like that," Rose explained, looking pretty happy with herself.

"Why, why didn't you tell me about it?" I frowned, looking up to Rose next to me.

"We couldn't tell anyone. Didn't know if it would work and it was best if everyone else was out of the loop and completely normal," she shrugged, standing up to turn the TV off.

Looking over towards Edward so broken and knowing it was all completely my own irrational fault was heart-breaking. How could I do that to the person I loved more than anything else? I couldn't stop the sob that erupted from my chest as I thought about everything I had put him through and all of the hurtful things I had said to him.

"I'll leave you two alone to talk," Rose said softly, kissing me on the top of my head and walking out the room.

I slid down my bed and onto the floor at the bottom of it. He still hadn't moved, not since the DVD started playing. I slowly crawled towards him and knelt between his knees.

"I'm so sorry Edward," I cried, taking his hand in my one hand and trying to lift his head with my other. "I can't believe I acted to stupidly. I just flipped when I saw you two together on the beach. I won't apologise because it's unforgivable."

"Bella, you know what hurts the most?" he asked looking into my eyes. His face tear streaked. "The fact that you didn't trust me. You jumped to a conclusion straight away. I could never do anything like that, _eve,r_" he sobbed, dropping his head back down again.

"I know, please forgive me?" I pleaded through my own tears.

"I'll always forgive you but this is going to take a while. I'm sorry," he shook his head, avoiding eye contact with me. "I trust you implicitly and I thought it was reciprocated."

"Edward, Edward look at me," I pleaded, pushing his chin up so his eyes met mine. "I trust you with my life. I can't explain what happened last night. You know she's always pushed my buttons and I just, I just flipped. I don't know. I love you more than anything. Without you I'm nothing," I cried, brushing his hair out of his eyes and resting my forehead against his. "Last night I thought part of me had died. When I tried to imagine my life without you it felt empty."

"Same here," he admitted quietly. "When you just ran out like that I was frantic. I didn't know what the hell had happened and I couldn't contact you. If anything happened to you I don't know how I could continue."

"Can we start over?" he asked, taking both of my hands in his

"Yeah but on one condition. No more secrets," I smiled before kissing him gently on the lips.

"And no more psychotic jealousy?" he smiled weakly

"And no more psychotic jealousy," I repeated as I felt his warm embrace envelope me.

* * *

**Please hit that little link down there and let me know what you think ;) **


	16. Bird and the Bees

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 16 – Birds and the Bees**

"I'm sorry," I mumbled into Edward's chest as I knelt on the floor between his knees, my arms wrapped tightly around his waist. I had no idea of how long we had remained like this, not another word spoken. The only sound being his even breathing and steady heartbeat. All I knew was that I had lost all sensation in my feet. Hell I'd stay here for all eternity, if it didn't run the risk of losing the use of my legs.

"I need to stand up," I mumbled, reluctantly pulling myself away from his body and leaning back on my heels to look into his face, before standing and holding his hand for him to follow me. As I tried to move my feet I felt nothing, I was walking on my shins as my feet had long since deserted me. Stumbling backwards, I lost all balance, landing on my ass and letting out a yelp. "How long is this bruise going to last?" I muttered to myself, feeling the throbbing spread across my buttock.

"Bella, it never ceases to amaze me how you can trip over thin air," Edward laughed, pulling me to my feet once more and holding me tight against his chest.

"Yeah well not everyone is gifted with such grace as you Cullen," I huffed, turning around and reaching out for the end of my bed for support, before crawling up it and lying back down. "And I didn't trip. I just can't feel my feet," I sighed, rubbing them to try and bring some life back.

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" he asked softly, joining me on the bed and pulling me towards him feeling the full warmth of his body against mine. He began rubbing my calves and feet to improve the circulation. His hands began to slowly move further north._"That's it, a little higher…"_ I thought to myself, only to be disappointed when he turned his attention back to my feet and looked into my eyes, obviously waiting for an answer.

"I was scared to let you go," I admitted shyly.

"What do you mean?" he asked, brushing my cheek with his thumb and cupping my face with his hand.

"Well I just thought that if I let you go you'd disappear, or something like that," I mumbled, not making eye contact with him.

"You can't get rid of me that easily," he chuckled, pulling my face towards his, placing a tender kiss on my lips and running his mouth along my jawline. "Forever means forever."

"Yeah, forever," I sighed, stifling a yawn which didn't go unnoticed by an ever observant Edward.

"You need some sleep and I need to go home and get changed," he said, running his hand up and down my side, tracing random shapes into the small of my back.

"Home? Oh shit! Alice!" I exclaimed, sitting up, my heart racing. "I stole her car, no not her car, her fucking baby! She's going to kill me," I whined, crawling under the blanket to hide.

"Don't worry I'm taking the Porsche home. Emmett, Alice and Jasper are still at the beach. Rose is driving back to pick them up as we speak because we took the Jeep and left them stranded when we came here. Your bags will be brought home. Don't worry, I packed them not Emmett!" Edward explained, pulling the covers off me as he stood up.

"Yeah but she'll still want to inflict some pain on me when she gets back for what I did," I complained, hiding my face in my hands. Alice may have looked like a pixie and have the body mass of a toddler, but she was definitely a force to be reckoned with. I'd never been on the receiving end but had witnessed it first hand when Emmett pulled the head off her favourite Barbie doll and it wasn't pretty. I think Em's still scarred, and that's physically not mentally. She was only eight at the time. Add ten years to perfect it and I'd be in big trouble!

"Look, I'll sort it with her. They know about the whole Tanya thing. When I tell her about what you thought you saw I'm sure she'll be more forgiving," he promised, flashing his trademark crooked smile. I could still see the uncertainty in his eyes though as he knelt beside the bed, pulling me toward him so I was sitting on the edge and he was positioned between my knees.

"How can you be so sure?" I asked, looking pleadingly in his eyes. No matter how much Edward scared me with his outburst earlier, the thought of facing Alice truly terrified me.

"Hey, I shared a womb with her. I'll work my twin magic on her." He winked, before kissing me forcefully on the lips and trying to move away quickly only to be stopped by me pulling on his shirt.

"Stay," I said quietly biting my bottom lip, my hand running down his chest and holding onto his belt trying to unbuckle it.

"Bella, I can't," he rushed, pulling my hands away and standing up. "I'm sorry," he said sadly.

"What? There's time. Charlie's at work. You don't need to go anywhere for a couple of hours," I said.

"It's not about the time. I, I just can't do that yet," he replied, looking down at the floor and playing with the hem of his shirt. "We need to talk. I just can't get straight back to that right now I'm sorry."

"But," was all I could get out.

"Get some sleep and I'll be back in a couple of hours or so," he said placing a chaste kiss on my lips and rushing out of the room.

I could hear his footsteps running down the stairs and slamming the front door shut before the engine of the Porsche purred to life. I got up off the bed and made my way to the window where I could see the car still parked where I left it. Edward was sitting behind the wheel with his head resting on it. He looked up to the window quickly before nodding weakly and giving a small smile, before reversing faster than he should and speeding down the road.

My head felt like cotton wool and my legs like jelly. "I've royally fucked this one up", I moaned quietly as I crawled onto my bed and buried my face in the pillow, inhaling deeply at his scent that remained. I had just been rejected by Edward which tore at my heart but what could I expect with the way I had acted towards him?

I could feel the cloud of slumber descending on me when the shrill noise of my phone jolted me awake. Rolling over, I saw the caller ID and my heart jumped into my throat. Alice_._ Should I answer it and deal with it now or wait until I see her in person and then face the full wrath? Tentatively I picked the phone up and opened it.

"Bella! What the fuck is going on! You'd better have a good excuse for committing grand theft auto with my car!" she screamed from the other end.

"Alice, I, I'm sorry. Please just let me explain," I sighed.

"Explain what? That you freaked for no Goddamn reason? There had better not be so much as a tiny scratch on that car!" she continued in a pitch I'm sure only dogs would be able to hear.

"Alice, please I can explain…" I begged.

"Bella, Bella I'm sorry. Look… I just freaked out when I saw the car had gone with you in it…" she reasoned, hearing my sobs. "I was so worried about you…we'll talk when we get back. If we get back in one piece with Emmett driving!"

"Ok," I mumbled, before closing the phone and flopping back on my bed. Well, the first contact had been achieved but I knew that would just be the first step on a very long and bumpy road with Alice.

Lying on my bed I couldn't get the thoughts out of my mind. The room was too quiet so I turned on my stereo hoping that some background noise would help. Pressing play, I lay back down trying to clear my thoughts when 'Backstreet Boys' came on. Another of my guilty pleasures. What I wouldn't have done to AJ a few years ago. Listening to the music my mind wandered.

_Voices tell me I should carry on  
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone  
Baby, my baby  
_

I couldn't help but smile when I heard the lyrics, remembering how I teased and left Edward standing alone in the ocean a couple of days ago. How things have changed since then. That day I had no cares in the world surrounded by my best friends and the man I loved.

_It's written on your face  
You still wonder if we made a big mistake_

Yeah, big mistake. My big mistake that could have destroyed us. I cursed myself for letting irrational and pig-headed Bella get the better of me and take control. If only I'd confronted them there and then none of this mess would have happened. Tanya had just won again, even without knowing it.

I rolled back onto my front and tried to immerse myself in the lingering scent of Edward. Closing my eyes I drifted off into a dreamless sleep determined to right all of the wrong I had caused.

* * *

"Bella, can you come downstairs please. I need to have a chat with you," Charlie called from outside my room. I peeled myself away from the warm cocoon of my bed and padded down the stairs apprehensively. I owed Charlie an explanation for what happened last night. His daughter comes home from vacation early, at one am and hides in her room. What is he supposed to think?

As I reached the kitchen, he was sitting at the table with his hands intertwined and resting on it. "Sit down please Bells," he asked, pointing to the empty seat opposite him.

I slowly sat down facing him, waiting for the inquisition. Would I really be able to tell him exactly what had happened?

"_Oh yeah Charlie, I went there with the intention to have sex with Edward but Tanya turned up and she threw herself at him. My psychotic side came out and I ran, only to find out that Edward was setting her up for a fall with cocaine. Oh and I forgot to mention that I committed grand theft auto and drove home in a daze after having a beer…"_

"Bella, can we talk openly?" he asked, looking down at the table. What was so interesting about the wood grain?

"Erm, yeah sure Char…Dad" I replied, trying to sound cheery although there was an obvious edge of awkwardness in my voice. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

"Yeah I came home on lunch break. I was worried about you," he replied.

"You don't have to worry about me. Honestly." I smiled back trying to reassure him. "What do you want to talk about?" Yeah I just knew I was going to regret asking that one.

"Ok, um… I just…erm I just…" He coughed trying to clear his throat and his thoughts. "I just wanted to talk to you about…um...about…erm…you and Edward…" he continued. It pained me to know exactly where this conversation was going.

"Dad are we seriously going to have this conversation?" I asked, trying to break the atmosphere and subtly let him know I knew what he was trying to say.

"Well last night I realised I'd never spoken about this with you," he continued.

"Yeah for a good reason Dad," I replied, almost too quickly, and noticed the hurt expression on his face. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just that it's not the sort of conversation a father and daughter should have," I explained, hoping that it would help with the situation.

"Yeah but Bells you don't have your Mum to talk to," he said sadly with a tear coming to his eye.

I got up from my seat and sat next to him wrapping my arms around his shoulders. We'd never had a touchy feely relationship, so seeing my father like this was something new and not something I liked. He looked so vulnerable, not the tough Police Chief everyone knows. I could feel him relax against me and a quiet sob break from his chest.

"I've had Esme to talk to though," I whispered into his ear, hoping that he would realise I wasn't without maternal support. As I sat holding onto my father and enjoying a closeness we had't had for many years we were interrupted by a knocking on the front door.

"Could you get that Bells?" Charlie asked, wiping his eyes and trying to regain his composure. I made my way to the door knowing that my own eyes would be red and puffy. I opened the door to find Edward standing there.

"Are you ok?" he asked taking in my appearance.

"Yeah fine, long story. I'll explain later," I said, pulling him inside the house and closing the door behind us before trying to make a hasty escape up the stairs.

"Edward, Bella can you come into the kitchen please?" Charlie called out as soon as he realised who had arrived.

I rested my head on his shoulder and held onto his shirt. "You really came here at the wrong time," I sighed through the material. "Let's just get this over and done with," I moaned, taking him by the hand and leading him to an authoritative looking Charlie sat at the table.

"_Now I know what the criminals feel like when he's questioning them," _I thought to myself as I sat down at the table with Edward next to me. I made sure I sat between the two of them, a human barrier.

"Edward," Charlie greeted gruffly nodding his head.

"Charlie," he responded with a false smile plastered across his face.

"Can we please get this over and done with?" I pleaded.

"I, um, I wanted to talk to both of you…as adults," Charlie started, glancing quickly at each of us before studying the table once more. "I know you're both adults and as an adult there are certain responsibilities you have."

"Of course Charlie," Edward agreed, cool and collected. How can he be so calm whilst I was a wreck next to him? My face was on fire and most definitely an embarrassing shade of crimson. 'Beetroot Bella' was here to stay. "What would you like to know?"

"Oh, um. Well as I said you're both adults now…" he mumbled.

"_Spit it out Charlie! Am I screwing Edward, just ask the damn question!. Has Edward stolen your daughter's virtue? If you can't say sex how about something else, mattress mambo, the nasty, bumping uglies…"_

He looked up and straightened his shoulders and stared Edward dead in the eye. "Are you having sex?" he rushed before looking at me.

"_Oh fuck he's actually said it!"_

"Dad!" I exclaimed in surprise. Edward reached under the table and held my hand, giving it a squeeze for reassurance.

"Bells, just answer the question please," Charlie asked, looking into my eyes whilst fiddling with his moustache.

"No! I won't answer it!" I shouted, reeling from his questioning.

"Well then that answers my question doesn't it?" Charlie sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Just be careful please," he said whilst rummaging through his trouser pocket, throwing a box on the table in front of us. My eyes shot open when I saw what had been put on the table. A box of condoms.

"Dad…what the fu…" I started before Edward grasped my hand tightly and interrupted me.

"Charlie, I can assure that Bella and I have not slept together, yet," Edward stated.

"_Not for the want of trying…" _I huffed silently, avoiding looking at my father or his so called gift sitting on the table.

"Are you being honest with me Edward?" Charlie asked, eyeing him up suspiciously. "You spent a week alone at the beach. I'm no fool," he added with a warning edge to his voice.

"What the hell do you mean?" I screeched, offended by Charlie's attitude. What the hell does it have to do with him anyway and who gives him the right to question us like that?

"You don't believe us? Edwards a virgin, I am a virgin! Do you want to fucking check? I'm sure I could get Carlisle to give me the once over if you want proof!" I screamed whilst pulling at the waistband on my jeans. "I'm not being a part of this anymore," I huffed, standing to make my way upstairs and into the safety of my bedroom.

"You're going nowhere young lady and how dare you use that sort of language towards me!" Charlie ordered, stopping me in my tracks, his face purple with anger following my outburst. "We are going to talk about this like adults. Sit." He shouted pointing to my vacated seat. I sat back down and leaned down to rest my head on my arms.

"Charlie, I can promise you that my intentions towards Bella are nothing less than honourable. I love her with all my heart and intend to make her my wife someday," Edward said, seeing that Charlie was less than impressed with my reaction and trying to calm the situation down.

"_Married? Wife? Did he seriously just say that?" _My head shot up and I looked at Edward in disbelief, my mouth agape. "Did you just say wife?" I asked in amazement.

"Yes, I did," he replied smiling at me.

"Yeah, um, let's just take this one thing at a time," Charlie interrupted gruffly.

"Are we done here?" I asked exasperatedly towards Charlie who was still obviously pissed over my rant.

"Yes I think so. Just be careful," he replied not looking at me. "I've got to get back to work anyway."

"Good," I sighed, standing and grabbing Edwards hand to drag him upstairs with me and out of Charlie's gun range. "Oh and Charlie, we're going to be in my room and I promise we'll be doing nothing less than _honourable_," I commented from the bottom of the stairs my voice heavy with sarcasm.

* * *

**Please hit that little link down there and let me know what you think ;) **


	17. Trust Is a Five Letter Word

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 17 – Trust Is a Five Letter Word**

"I'm so sorry about that," I sighed into Edward's chest as we stood inside my room, closing the door behind us.

"No worries. I just can't believe you dropped the f-bomb in front of Charlie," he laughed, pushing my chin up with his finger and kissing me gently on the lips."I actually find 'feisty Bella' a bit of a turn on. Bella, is that Backstreet Boys playing?" he asked, noticing the quiet music in the background.

"_Damn! Should have turned that off when I went downstairs."_ I deepened the kiss to distract him and ran my hands down his back, before settling them on his ass and squeezing lightly. A moan erupted from his chest as our bodies became flush and I felt his erection grow, straining against his jeans and pressing against my stomach.

"B-Bella we need to talk…" he stammered, pulling away and sitting on the edge of my bed. Patting his hand as a gesture for me to join him, I slowly made my way across the room.

"Must we really?" I sighed, leaning against his side with my head on his shoulder. "I was just beginning to enjoy that, and from what I felt against my stomach you were too," I murmured suggestively, my hand on his thigh running up towards his crotch.

"Please Bella," he begged, before pushing himself up my bed and leaning back against the headboard. I knew we had a lot to talk about but I didn't want to admit it just yet. Maybe if we just ignored it, it would disappear?

"Bella…" he started as he pulled my arm backwards for me to join him.

"_Guess this is one thing that won't disappear,"_ I thought as I made my way up the bed and lay next to Edward with my leg draped over his and my head resting in its favourite spot - against his heart. "We need to talk about what happened last night," he sighed, playing with my hair and brushing it away from my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I was an idiot," I said quietly.

"It just hurt me that you didn't trust me," he replied in his usual soothing tone.

"Yeah but what did you expect me to think seeing you and her like that?" I asked, leaning up on his chest and looking into his deep green eyes. "Ok, so maybe I overreacted but how would you feel if it was you who looked out and saw me with Jacob Black?"

"I would have gone down there and killed the mongrel but that's not the point," he replied completely dismissing what I had said.

"That's exactly the point Edward!" I said louder than necessary.

"Yeah but you didn't trust me Bella," he sighed, making my blood boil.

Ok so maybe I didn't trust him totally. I had always felt inferior next to him and insecure. Why would he choose someone like me? A plain Jane, when he could have anyone he wanted. Maybe I was just waiting for the time he realised this and ditched me for someone more in his league.

"Well you didn't trust me to let me into your little plan with Rose did you?" I shouted, sitting up and straddling his knees so I could look him dead in the face. I sat with my arms crossed over my chest waiting for his response.

"That was different," he mumbled.

"How was it different? Trust goes both ways you know!" I scolded.

"Of course it's different. It didn't involve me thinking that you were capable of going with someone else!" he said, his tone now matching mine. "I thought you knew me well enough to know that I would never ever look at anyone else. I am all yours Bella. You have my heart completely." His voice softened and he pulled my waist so that I was leaning against him.

"Yeah," I muttered, my voice laced with uncertainty.

"What does that mean?" he asked noting the tone, frowning.

I pushed back against his chest and sat up, still straddling his thighs. Well there goes nothing. He wanted honesty, well that's what he was going to get. There was no point in trying to even get out of that one. When he wanted to know something he'd just nag endlessly anyway and drive me insane in the process. "Edward I do trust you. I swear. I trust you more than anyone in the entire world..."

"But..." he interjected

"But I just have this worry in the pit of my stomach that you're going to find someone else. Someone more than me," I whispered looking at the wall.

"Why would you think that?" he asked, looking hurt and holding my head so I had to look him in the face. "How many times a day do I have to tell you how much I love you. I can't believe you don't trust me."

"I do trust you Edward!" I exclaimed! "I-I-I don't know. It's just that this seems so unreal to me. That you, Edward Cullen, chose me." I confessed, worried about his reaction.

"Shall I tell you why I chose you?" he asked, looking deep into my eyes. "You are most selfless, giving, beautiful person I have ever had the privilege of having in my life. You are my life and everything else pales in comparison. Everything you do amazes me and just makes me love you even more. The way you play with my hair, the way you blush when Emmett torments you, the way you bite your bottom lip when nervous, and the way you hold me when you're sleeping, the way you talk in your sleep and fart…"

"Oi! I don't fart!" I giggled, smacking his shoulder

"You and I both know that's not true," he laughed placing a kiss on my collarbone. "It's what makes you, you. It's the whole package I love, not just your _robust ass,_" he smirked patting my backside before tucking his hands into the back pockets on my jeans. "I trust you with every fibre of my being. I just wish you'd trust me the same way. I would never, ever do anything to hurt you."

I couldn't help the tears streaming down my cheeks as I listened to his words. "I love you too Edward. More than I can articulate. Last night I thought about my life without you and it felt empty, you are my sun and moon and without you there is nothing," I cried, pressing my lips against his and my body flush against him. As I moved my hips I could feel his erection pushing against me, causing butterflies in my stomach and a nagging throbbing feeling elsewhere.

"Do you want me to show you how much I trust you?" I asked shimmying down his thighs, making short work as I opened his jeans and lowered my head, only to be stopped by him grabbing my wrists and pulling upwards

"Bella, it's not just about sex you know," he growled.

"Well maybe it has something to do with it for me," I sighed. "I could never sleep with someone I didn't wholly trust. The mere fact that I want you is a big thing for me. It means that I trust you implicitly."

"You kill me Bella," he sighed, exhaling forcefully and closing his eyes.

"Anyway, I needed to trust you for what I was planning to do," I smirked, moving up his legs and straddling his hips once more.

"How so?" he asked looking confused.

"Well I needed to trust that you wouldn't choke me!" I joked winking at him devilishly. He just looked at me with a blank expression until the realisation of what I was saying dawned on him.

"Er, um Bella you don't have to that," he gulped as I moved back down his body so my weight was on his thighs once more.

"Maybe I want to," I replied, biting my lower lip as my eyes moved from his face down to the bulge beneath his boxers. Dragging my fingers down his chest I paused once they touched the elastic on his boxers. My nerves got the better of me once again and, in typical Bella style, I let my insecurities overwhelm me. Taking a deep breath I pulled the front of his boxers down and audibly gasped as his erection sprang to life. No matter how many times I had seen it, it never ceased to amaze me with its size.

"It won't bite," Edward chuckled noticing my stare. "But like I said, you really don't have to."

"No, um, it's not that," I mumbled. "It's just that I don't know what to actually _do._" My face was hot and I could hear my heartbeat thudding away in my ears.

"Bella, just do what you want. Believe me when I say that there is no _'wrong'_ when it comes to you touching my dick." He leaned up to kiss the side of my neck whilst lifting my shirt over my head and quickly discarding his own soon after.

Pushing him back down on the mattress, I wiggled to reposition myself and glanced down to study my new objective. _"Ok, think back to Biology and Sex Ed Bella,"_ I thought to myself, the only memory coming back being that of putting a condom on a banana. _"Well that's fucking useless."_ I huffed quietly as I cursed the inane and almost non-existent sex education we had at school. _"Who cares about what semen consists of? It's the bit about how to get it effectively out of the body that's the real issue."_

I tentatively leant down to have a closer look and noticed the pre-cum gathered on the tip. _"It's just a big warm popsicle," _I told myself _"Yeah, a meatsicle, a big meatsicle"._

I dipped my head and gently licked the head before blowing on it, noticing Edward shudder. Keeping my eyes trained on him I took the head in my mouth and sucked on it whilst tracing circles with my tongue. "Edward please tell me if I do anything wrong," I said, sitting up a bit.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that it's rude to talk with your mouth full?" he laughed, tilting his head with a smirk on his face.

"Yeah…funny" I retorted before getting back to my previous task.

I concentrated on the tip for a while, teasing him with my tongue before taking him into my mouth as much as possible, finding out that my sensitive gag reflex wasn't too impressed. _"Note to self – deep throating is not an option"_. Keeping my ministrations more shallow, I used my hand and pumped on the shaft where my lips couldn't reach and was rewarded with a deep growl from Edward. My free hand found his balls and I gave them a small squeeze out of curiosity. I couldn't ignore my 'little fellas' could I?

"Fuck Bella!" Edward grunted at the added sensation. "Just like that." I could tell he was close with eyes scrunched and beads of sweat on his body. His hands were gripping the sheet, his knuckles white. I carried on with the routine that had proved to be most successful when I felt him shudder underneath me, his dick twitching.

"Bella, I'm going to…" he gasped looking up at me. Ignoring what he said I carried on. Without warning I felt warm liquid hit the back of my throat and a salty, but not overly offensive, taste fill my mouth.

"Oh my God, Bella did you just…" Edward gasped, sitting up and looking at me, a shocked expression covering his face.

"Uh huh," I nodded whilst swallowing what remained.

I was suddenly filled with panic as I felt my stomach churn and rise into my throat. I knew exactly what was about to happen and fled to the bathroom, reaching it just in time. Hunched over the toilet I watched as my lunch and the contents of Edwards sack disappeared down the pan.

"Are you ok sweetheart?" Edward asked, kneeling behind me and rubbing my back.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just think I'll get my protein elsewhere from now on!" I laughed, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

* * *

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	18. All's Far In Love and War

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 18 – All's Fair In Love and War**

"I can't believe I did that…" I moaned, standing up from the toilet and rinsing my mouth out under the tap.

"It's not the vomiting that surprised me, it was the swallowing!" Edward laughed leaning against the opposite wall.

"Yeah, it wasn't be best thing I've tried," I laughed, covering my eyes with my hand before looking up at him in the reflection from the mirror "Have you tried it? You know, when you've…" I asked quietly only to be met with a furiously blushing Edward.

"Huh?" he replied looking shocked. Not a sincere shocked though. I had known Edward long enough to know he was just not answering the question.

"Have you_ tried_ your _own_?" I pressed, not letting him squirm out of this one. "Or was it someone else's?" I added not being able to stop the smirk cross my lips.

"I'm not answering that," he mumbled looking down at the floor before registering my second question. "Ew, God no! It wasn't anyone else's!" he exclaimed, his eyes darting up to meet my face.

"I'll take that as a yes," I laughed, a grin spreading across my face. "About your own that is," I corrected knowing full well that Edward would never swing that way.

"Bella just please brush your teeth so I can kiss you free from puke and spunk," he laughed shaking his head.

"Well it wasn't very romantic was it," I said, looking back at him through the mirror, locking eyes as he moved to stand behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "With the whole puking thing…"

"I've never, _ever_, considered giving head as 'romantic'," he murmured into my neck, placing kisses down it before moving back up and kissing the back of my ear. As if one cue his phone started ringing in the other room.

"Go and answer that so I can get cleaned up," I ordered, sticking my ass out to move him away and wriggling out of his grasp.

"Fine," he huffed, walking backwards towards the door before looking over his shoulder. "But just so you know, rubbing your ass in my crotch isn't the best way to get rid of me."

Standing alone in the bathroom my mind began to race. Had I really just done that? Only two weeks ago I would have run a mile at the mere sight of Edwards dick. _"Oh, shit. Does this now mean that he'll want to reciprocate?"_ I panicked staring at my reflection. It's one thing him seeing me and touching me down there but for him to actually do that is something entirely different. Grabbing my toothbrush, I began trying to rid my mouth of the taste of vomit and semen, although the semen taste was probably all in my mind. I brushed furiously, sure that I could feel the little swimmers stuck in between my teeth.

I made short work of having a shower and I could hear Edwards muffled raised voice next door. I tried to listen in but the running water made it too difficult. Turning the water off, I craned my neck to the side hoping that it would aid in my eves dropping only to stretch too far, managing to save myself in the nick of time. "Typical," I huffed as I carefully got out of the shower. _"Why do people always ends conversations as soon as it's possible for me to listen in?" _

Wrapped up in the biggest towel I could find, I walked back into my room to be met by a confused looking Edward. "That was Alice; we've been summoned to a family meal this evening at mine. Apparently she has an announcement to make but wouldn't tell me what," he frowned, looking down at his phone still in his hand.

"Really, huh?" I replied, unable to stop the smile that spread across my face knowing full well what the announcement was.

"Spill Swan," he ordered, standing with his hands on his hips and narrowing his eyes. The sight of him standing like that made me chuckle. All he needed to do was stamp his foot to be a taller and slightly butcher version of Alice.

"I don't know what you mean," I replied innocently, wrapping the towel around me tighter and pretending to look through my CD collection.

"You know exactly what I mean," he whined, not moving from the spot. "What's the big announcement?"

"Edward I honestly don't know what you are on about," I said, keeping my concentration on a Hanson CD that definitely wasn't mine, knowing that if I looked at him the game would be up.

"Tell me what you know," he said in the most menacing voice possible whilst stalking towards me.

"I do not know anything," I scolded, pointing at him with the CD in my hand. "Anyway, even if I did do you seriously think I would face the wrath of Alice?"

"Ok, firstly, that's my CD and secondly, Alice is going to tear you a new one anyway for stealing her car so you really have nothing to lose," he stated, snatching the CD out of my hand.

"That's your CD?" I laughed.

"It's a classic" he whined, blowing the dust off it and into my face. "You still haven't responded to what I just said."

"You really think she'll be that mad?" I asked coughing and looking up to him, suddenly realising what I would have to face later, the only consolation being that there would be ample witnesses to the murder.

"We'll deal with her together," he cooed, playing with my hair and kissing the tip of my nose. "Your ass belongs to me, she won't touch it," he laughed smacking be playfully on my behind. "Anyway, maybe we could use the extra information you are holding back against her if things get nasty"

"Just drop it Edward," I sighed, pulling away from him.

"I'll only drop it if you drop the towel," he smirked. "Fairs, fair and all," he leered raising one of his eyebrows.

"Not a chance pervert!" I laughed batting his hands away which were trying sneak inside the folded edges of the towel and walking over to my dresser. "Did she mention anything about a dress code?" I asked looking behind to Edward who was sitting on my bed in a sulk.

"Nope, just wear what you want," He replied "I'm not getting changed. Jeans will do. It's only the family after all," he shrugged picking at invisible fluff on my bed cover.

"Well that's helpful," I laughed throwing the first thing I laid my hands on at his head. Instantly regretting it.

"Throwing your panties at me now?" he laughed, swinging them around on his finger before staring me intently in the eye and bringing them to his face.

"They're clean you dirty bastard. Mind out of the gutter," I scolded trying to put my underwear on under the towel. "Would you mind leaving me to get dressed in private?" I asked walking over and snatching the offending article from his hands only to miss.

"Nuh, uh! They're mine now," he laughed, stuffing the underwear into the chest pocket of his shirt.

"You really are a pain in the ass sometimes," I sighed, walking back to my closet and turning around the glare at him with my arms crossed over my chest.

"Yeah but that's just another reason you love me," he chuckled, leaning back on his elbows causing his shirt to rise up at the bottom giving me a tantalising peek of his stomach and happy trail leading down under his jeans. Just the thought of where that trail lead to caused me to flush and need a change of underwear. How could that simple sight do this to me? I'd seen, hell, I'd tasted, more than that already today.

"Whatever Cullen," I said trying to sound serious and resist all urges to jump him there and then. "Just turn around if you're not going to leave."

Searching through my clothes I could feel his gaze burning into me. "Wear the blue top. It's my favourite and your boobs look great in it," he said pointing to the top in my right hand. "And wear the light blue skinny jeans. Your ass looks great in them."

"I'm trying to find something Alice will approve of, not you," I replied, putting the other clothes away and choosing exactly what he had wanted. Maybe Alice wouldn't approve of my outfit, but at least Edward would and that could work in my favour. Trying to get dressed whilst preserving my modesty was proving difficult and inevitably ended in the towel dropping.

"Bow chica wow wow," Edward sang from his spot on my bed. Spinning around and covering my chest with my free hand I glared at him to find him sitting attentively with a smug grin on his face. "Oh come on Bells! I've already seen everything you've got to offer."

Yeah, true he had seen everything. We'd already had showers together, not to mention the other stuff, but I still felt awkward about getting undressed in front of him, feeling his gaze on me like some sort of exhibit.

Turning back, I started to dress. It was only a matter of time before I had to face Alice and the rest of the Cullen's. I'm sure Esme and Carlisle would have heard about my little tantrum by now, and even if they didn't know the real reason I'm sure, Esme at least, would ask me about it. Then there was Alice to contend with.

Perhaps I could come down with some obscure illness so I didn't have to go? Something contagious that I would never want to give to the others. Racking my brain I tried to think of things that could be wrong with me. Thinking back to my last History class some things came to mind _"Bubonic plague, no, Leprosy, no, Spanish Influenza...yeah that was nasty and very contagious"_ I mused to myself. _"Maybe not, it would kill me and anyway that was back in 1918..." _Realising that even the Spanish flu couldn't save me, I put my converse on and turned back to Edward who was reading the inner notes of his 'Middle of Nowhere' CD.

"What time is it?" I asked, walking over to where he was sitting and running my hand through his hair.

"Just after four," he replied looking at his watch. "We'd better head off soon. Dinner will be served at five," he said nuzzling into my neck and pulling me towards his to straddle his waist.

"Hey, I thought you said we had to get going," I laughed, pushing at his shoulders.

"A couple more minutes won't hurt," he murmured pulling me closer, kissing up my neck until his lips found mine. Deepening the kiss he fell backwards onto the bed taking me with him so I was lying on top of him.

"We need to get going," I managed to say breaking away from Edwards lips "And being late will only piss Alice off even more," I stressed, pushing up on his chest and becoming very aware of the bulge that had re- appeared in Edwards pants.

"Fine…" he huffed releasing his grip on me and allowing me to stand up. "Just give me a minute…Grandma, Grandma, Grandma," he chanted playfully.

"Is that thing ever soft?" I laughed pointing down at his obvious erection.

"Only when you're not around but even then I'm thinking about you so, no, not very often," he replied, laughing before standing up and taking my hand so we could face the firing squad together.

* * *

As we got into his car my heart was pounding and the adrenaline coursing through my veins was causing my hands to shake.

"I can't believe you're so nervous. Just chill Bella," Edward reassured, placing his hand over mine in an attempt to halt the tremor. "It's only a car. She'll get over it."

"It's not just about the car. It's about everything. Everything that happened. Your parents will know about my tantrum and I'm sure your Mom will ask if I'm ok. What do I say if they ask what happened? And then there are the others. What if they're pissed that I ruined the last night at the beach because I was pig-headed and stupid?" I rambled, only to be stopped by Edward placing his finger on my lips.

"One step at a time; we'll get there and see how the land lies. We'll just tell my parents that it was a stupid tiff that was blown out of proportion. As for the others, fuck them," he laughed, replacing his finger with his lips kissing me chastely before leaning back and reversing out of the driveway. "If Alice was in your shoes she would have done the same, so would Rosalie."

"No, Rosalie would have gone down there and spread Tanya's nose across her face before castrating Emmett with one of her fingernails!" I laughed imagining the scene.

"Very true," he laughed as he leaned down to turn the stereo on.

I leaned back in my seat resting my head on the window as I watched the various shades of green whip past as we made our way to the Cullen's. As I drifted off into my own little world I could hear Edward singing along to the song on the radio.

_Well open up your mind and see like me  
Open up your plans and damn you're free  
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love  
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me  
I love peaceful melody  
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved_

Looking over towards him I felt my heart swell. Listening to his velvet voice I sighed which didn't go unnoticed by Edward. Grabbing his hand I continued gazing at him as I began to sing along with him, undoubtedly my dulcet tones ruining the song.

_So I won't hesitate no more, no more  
It cannot wait I'm sure  
There's no need to complicate  
Our time is short  
This is our fate, I'm yours_

The lyrics hit a chord within in my soul. Just looking at him I knew where my future lay, right here with Edward, my Edward. No more hesitation or complications. I was irrevocably in love with this man and he would have me completely. Catching my gaze Edward smiled a toothy grin and held our intertwined hands up to his face kissing each one of my knuckles in turn. No words were needed.

I sat immersed in my own little bubble, other songs had come and gone but they were only a fuzz of background noise for me. I felt the car come to a stop and looked out at the unfamiliar surroundings. This wasn't the Cullen's. "Why have we stopped here?" I asked surveying the landscape. All I could see were trees lining the road were were on.

"Are you going to let me into your little secret?" Edward asked seriously, looking over towards me and locking his eyes with mine.

"What secret?" I replied confused as to what he was talking about.

"The whole reason we're going to my parents." He frowned.

"Oh that secret," I dismissed. I had honestly forgotten about the 'announcement' but Edward obviously hadn't.

"Edward I've already told you I can't," I sighed, looking out of the window once more.

"Well just give me a clue" he pleaded. If there's one thing that annoys Edward more than anything it's when people keep things from him. I knew his mind would have been running at a mile a minute trying to work it out, slowly driving him insane.

"Look, I can't" I stated shaking my head but not removing my gaze from an oddly shaped tree beside the car.

"Ok, so how about I just run through ideas and you nod when I get it right? That way you haven't told me. Your conscience will be clear," he reasoned, holding my hand and pulling my body around to face him.

"Whatever," I sighed in defeat, knowing he wasn't going to let it go.

"OK, hmm," he started, turning in his seat and looking at me intently. "They're moving out? They're eloping off to Italy to live with the vampires? Alice's spacecraft has come back and it's time for her to go home, Alice is pregnant?" he questioned, my eyes darting up to meet his at the last one.

"She's pregnant?" he exclaimed.

"No! No! She's not," I insisted, my eyes pleading with him.

"Then what is it?" he asked.

"I can't tell you but it's not that," I said, my voice now pleading and holding his hands tighter in my own.

"I'm going to kill the little fucker! How dare he knock my little sister up?" he growled, his hands gripping the steering wheel so hard I was sure it would turn to dust any second.

"Edward calm down, I swear it's not that. Please just trust me," I begged.

"Then tell me what it is," he ordered, lowering his tone and staring at me.

"Fine, fine," I huffed. "They're engaged," I mumbled slouching in my seat.

"Ok, well now that's sorted let's get there," he laughed, putting the car into gear starting back down the road.

"Huh?" I asked astonished. "Is that it?"

"Yep. You should know I always get my own way," he laughed, winking at me before leaning over towards me and kissing my cheek with a shit eating grin on his face. "I can't believe you cracked so easily. As if I'd be pissed that Jas and Alice were having a kid. I can't wait to be an uncle…and father"

"Manipulative bastard," I muttered under my breath as the Cullen's house came into view. Staring up at the huge house I felt sick. As pissed as I was with Edward getting me like that, it would have to wait. I had a more important battle to face right now. 

_

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_

**Please hit that little link down there and let me know what you think ;) **


	19. Table Manners

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 19– Table Manners**

I walked up the the front steps, my mind a fog. Had he really said that he couldn't wait to be a father? Yeah sure I've always wanted kids but not until a good few years in the future. Was he seriously thinking about planning a family with me? I loved him with all my heart but had never looked into the future that far, things can change, you can never know what curve-ball life will throw at you next.

I gripped Edwards hand tighter, firstly due to the fact that I doubted my legs would move on their own accord, and secondly, I could use him as a human shield if needed. Who knew what horrors could lie beyond the ornate, oversized door.

"How's Alice?" I whispered as we reached the door.

"How should I know? I'm not a mind reader," he laughed swinging the door open. "We're here," he announced as we entered the empty hallway. I could hear a squeal coming from the kitchen and was promptly confronted with a manic looking Alice flying towards us with a huge grin on her face.

"Bella!" she shrieked as she body slammed into me and swung her arms around my neck, a little tighter than necessary. "I'm so glad you could come!" she exclaimed, only increasing her death grip around my throat.

"Alice…" I gasped "Can't…breathe."

"You're not off the hook. We need to talk but not tonight. Tonight is about Jasper and I," she hissed into my ear before releasing her grip, hugging Edward and flitting back into the kitchen to continue helping Esme cook.

"Well that seemed to go better than I thought. Maybe she's actually forgiven you," Edward smiled holding my waist and kissing my cheek.

"Yeah, right," I grumbled, knowing full well that this was only the beginning and I would have to endure death row for some more time to come. _"Why the hell can't she just get the execution over and done with instead of just leaving me hanging?"_ Hanging? That certainly sounded preferable to me right now.

"Edward, Bella, is that you?" Esme called, walking out of the kitchen wiping her hands on her apron. "You're just in time. Foods done and ready to be served," she said giving me a warm hug and tilting my head to look at my face. "Edward go and help your father," she added, leaving him with no room to argue.

"_Here it comes,"_ I thought to myself, steadying my nerves for the inevitable questions to follow.

"Are you ok sweetheart?" she asked, rubbing my cheek and brushing my hair away from my face. "I heard what happened. I hope Edward didn't do anything to hurt you. Carlisle raised him better than that."

"No, Esme he didn't. I'm fine, it was just a misunderstanding that got out of hand," I reassured, placing my hand over hers which still resided on my cheek and giving her my most convincing smile.

"Bella, hurry up! I'm starving, my stomach thinks my throats been cut!" Emmett bellowed

"You sure honey? If you want to talk about it, or _anything else_ you know you can always come to me," she said, taking my hand and leading me into the dining room.

"About time Swan! I could eat a grizzly right about now!" Emmett chortled, rubbing his stomach and eyeing up the roast greedily.

"Ignore him Bella," Esme laughed, placing her hand on my cheek before giving Emmett a scolding look. "You have such soft skin dear," she smiled sitting down at the other end of the table.

"Must be that new moisturiser she discovered whilst we were at the beach house. What was it called Bells? Jis-a-something?" Emmett laughed, purple in the face and looking as though his head was about to explode with delight as I took my seat next to Edward.

"Really dear? I might have to try some of that." Esme smiled, helping herself to some carrots causing Emmett to almost combust and choke on the whole potato he had stuffed in his mouth.

"Esme this is a lovely spread," I said trying to ignore Emmett's comment, only to hear another snicker coming from beside me. Turning my head I was confronted with a mildly hysterical Edward.

"Bella puts on a nice spread also," Rose smirked, popping a piece of chicken in her mouth and winking at me, causing my impossibly dark blush to only deepen.

"What's that dear?" Esme asked with a confused look on her face.

"Oh, Bella cooked some mean breakfasts at the beach house," Alice interjected, smiling innocently at me.

"So did you kids have fun at the beach?" Carlisle asked, interrupting what was obviously a private joke that made him uncomfortable.

"Yeah it was great, thanks Dad," Edward replied, grabbing my hand under the table.

"Yeah you _really_ enjoyed the ocean didn't you Edward," Jasper commented through a mouthful of food. "We had trouble getting you out of it."

"How's your nose Jasper, not broken again?" Edward sniped back, noticing my own snickers now.

"_Ah, don't like it when it's directed at you, do you matey." _I laughed under my breath concentrating on eating my meal and avoiding eye contact with everyone at the table.

The meal continued in the usual fashion. A flurry of polite conversation laced with typical Emmett vulgarity which largely went unnoticed or ignored.

"Esme, this really is a lovely meal," Jasper commented as he finished his second helping.

"Not as nice as that Italian we went to in Moclips," Alice enthused, locking eyes with me. "You especially enjoyed the ravioli didn't you Bella?" She smirked with a devilish grin on her lips.

"Finger licking good wouldn't you say Edward?" Rose laughed, shooting him a meaningful glance.

I glanced over to Edward, my mouth agape to find him beetroot red and staring intently into his glass of water. _"Now it's your turn to take an extra interest in water…"_ I giggled to myself fully enjoying his embarrassment before becoming fully aware of what was happening, that I too, was the butt of all the jokes…yet again. As the realisation dawned on me I looked around the table to find four very smug individuals staring at me. _"Where is that fucking hole in the ground when you need it?"_

"Are we missing something here?" Carlisle asked suspiciously, taking a longer sip of his wine than necessary.

"No, don't worry Dad. Just immature jealousy, that's all," Edward dismissed, shooting daggers at Emmett who was barely able to breathe at this point.

"Ok, well, I believe we are all gathered to hear some news from Alice and Jasper," he smiled looking lovingly at his daughter who was practically bouncing out of her seat and impatiently smacking Jasper's arm

Clearing his throat Jasper stood slowly holding his glass of water in his trembling hand. "Yeah, erm. There is a very special reason we asked everyone to join us tonight," he began in his southern drawl. "I love Alice with all my heart, and, erm…"he continued once again clearing his throat and looking into her eyes, seemingly trying to find the right words to use. "Ok, erm, yeah well as I was saying, I love Alice and want to spend my life with her so…"

"We're getting married!" Alice exclaimed bouncing out of her seat and thrusting out her hand that had been hidden under the table to show everyone the rock on her finger.

"Yeah, I was just getting to that point," Jasper mumbled, tilting his head downwards and staring lovingly at his fiancées face through his long lashes.

"No shit!" Emmett laughed, staring incredulously at the happy couple before being scolded by Esme.

"That's fantastic news honey," Esme cooed as she stood up from her seat to pull her daughter into a tight embrace. "I'm so happy!" she cried wiping the tear rolling down her cheek and grabbing Jaspers collar to bring him into the embrace also.

"Welcome to the family Jasper," Carlisle beamed proudly shaking his hand "My baby girl is growing up," he added, prising Alice from Esme's grip and embracing her, himself looking every bit the proud father immediately followed by Rose and Emmett getting in on the action.

"Wow, that's a rock and a half!" Rose exclaimed, wrenching Alice's hand towards her and admiring her latest adorning.

"Congrats little sis." Edward smiled, hugging Alice and patting Jasper on the back in his usual 'cool as a cucumber' manner.

* * *

Just standing watching everyone congratulating the happy couple and seeing Carlisle and Esme so proud, I found my mind wandering to the reaction Charlie would have if I was to marry Edward. I had a nagging feeling he wouldn't be so forthcoming unfortunately. No matter how happy he was with my Mom, I knew he always wanted more for her. Not just to be a wife and mother as she turned nineteen. He had always wanted for me to experience life more before settling down. As of this moment, I wasn't sure I wanted that any more. Maybe I wanted the simple life after all, a nice home, children and a steady life with Edward. Age is but a number after all.

"I think this celebration calls for some champagne," Carlisle announced, walking into the room with a spectacular magnum of champagne which was obviously very old and just waiting for the right time to be opened.

As everyone made their way to the lounge to make themselves comfortable Alice grabbed my hand and whispered in my ear. "I want you to be my maid of honour." My heart sank at the thought. Not because I didn't want it, but because I knew it would involve walking down the aisle in front of hundreds of people wearing ridiculous heels, and most importantly, I would have to be involved in all the planning for the inevitably extravagant and over the top event.

"Ugh, she's going to drive me insane," I moaned, as I nestled into Edwards lap listening to Alice get into full flow discussing exactly what she would want for her big day. She'd been planning her wedding since eighth grade and with each passing year more had been added and improved upon. Princess Diana's wedding wouldn't be a patch on hers - that was for sure.

Conversation and champagne flowed freely as we all relaxed. I settled into Edward's body as he drew random patterns on my thigh, nodding and making appropriate noises to Alice's questions. Whether it was the alcohol or just his touch, I was finding it hard to resist the urge to defile him in front of his family.

"Meet me in the downstairs bathroom," I whispered into his ear, before knocking back my glass of champagne and making a hasty exit out of the room.

Walking hurriedly down the hallway, I could hear Edward making excuses to his family and follow close behind me. I slipped into the bathroom and had just closed the door as I heard him knock on it from outside. Flinging the door open, I grabbed hold of his collar and dragged him into the room smashing my lips against his. I needed to taste him and couldn't get enough.

His hands grabbed my ass and I wrapped my legs around his waist needing to get closer to him. I could feel his entire body pressed against me as he slammed our bodies against the wall before stumbling across the room to the counter, knocking all the bottles onto the floor with my ass.

"Fuck Edward!" I gasped, tugging on his hair feeling his lips caress my neck and chest as his hands worked on my jeans.

"Jesus Bella! The lamb has turned into the lion," he growled, before his lips met mine once again in a feverish kiss. "Fuck, me…" he groaned as his hand made its way inside my panties causing my body to shudder and a loud moan escape my lips. Gone was the loving and tender Edward, replaced with an animalistic creature I could quite get used to having around. Pulling his shirt from his body I marvelled at his toned chest as my hand wandered down his stomach.

I cursed myself for having almost zero co-ordination, much less at the very moment, as I struggled with his belt and zipper on his jeans. I could hear a knocking at the door. "Get rid of them," I hissed, annoyed that someone was interrupting us, yet again.

"Fuck off Emmett!" he shouted as he helped with his jeans and freed his erection.

"Edward Anthony!" the voice called from outside the room causing my body to go rigid and a cold chill shoot down my spine. Carlisle.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I cursed quietly, pushing a stunned Edward away from me and jumping down from the counter to do my jeans up.

"What the hell's going on in there? Is Bella ok? What was that commotion?" he asked through the door, his voice laced with concern.

"I'm fine," I shouted back in an octave higher than usual trying to compose myself. "Why can't you be a fucking orphan?" I moaned, throwing Edwards shirt at him to put back on and trying to sort myself out in the mirror.

"Open this door this instant" Carlisle ordered, his voice now angry rather than concerned.

"Oh shit!" Edward groaned, buttoning his shirt as fast as his hands would allow. "He knows…"

"Do you hear me?" Carlisle growled in a low tone through the door in an obvious attempt to illustrate his point but not draw attention to us from everyone else in the lounge. Realising there was absolutely no way out of it I walked slowly to the door and unlocked it.

I glanced up to Carlisle who had a thunderous look on his face before turning to look at Edward who was staring at the floor looking like a schoolboy getting told off by the headmaster.

"Bella, what the hell is going…" Carlisle started, before looking at Edwards shirt which was buttoned completely wrong and inside out.

"Carlisle? Is everything ok?" Esme asked as she appeared in the hallway.

"Yes dear. Bella's just been a bit ill. The champagne got to her that's all," he replied coolly with a smile to his wife. "No need to worry. I'll meet you upstairs."

"Oh, ok, if you're sure. Night kids," she sang as she made her way upstairs.

"Now let's get something straight here," Carlisle said quietly with a menacing edge, looking at each of us in turn. "I'm not stupid. As much as I don't like it, I know you two will be physically involved but keep it to your own space. I do not appreciate you sneaking off to the bathroom like this," he stated "I demand respect in my house and if you ever speak to me in that manner again son your feet won't touch the floor." He hissed through gritted teeth, glaring at Edward. I had never seen this side to Carlisle before and it scared me. He was always such a gentle, caring man.

"Yes Dad," Edward replied looking down at the floor.

"Right, well your mother and I are going to bed now as we need to be up early. Go and join the others in the lounge," he sighed, stepping backwards into the hall. "Bella I suggest you call your father soon if you intend to stay here tonight. We'll continue this discussion at a more appropriate time." He nodded as he walked away and ascended the stairs to bed.

"I can't believe that just happened," I cried, turning into Edward's chest and hiding my face in his shirt.

"How dare he speak to you like that!" Edward spat, holding me tighter to his chest and kissing the top of my head.

"Look he's right though. He's your father and it's his house," I sighed "Let's just join the others before our absence is noticed any more and I'll phone my dad to tell him I'm staying, if that's ok with you of course."

"Of course it's ok with me," he laughed. "Hell, I'd never let you leave if I had my way."

"Just sort your shirt out before you get in there," I joked pulling at the dishevelled material as I walked to the phone to call Charlie.

* * *

Walking towards the lounge, I took a deep cleansing breath, nervous as to whether everyone had heard the incident with Carlisle. I really didn't need to relive that moment just yet. I would have to endure another discussion with him in the future anyway. If there was one thing about Carlisle, it's that he's thorough and will not let anything go unresolved. It was obvious exactly from whom Edward acquired that trait.

"Bells, we're all waiting for you," Emmett announced as I entered the room.

"Yeah we've managed to nab some more alcohol and are going to celebrate in style now that the crinklies have gone to bed," Rose laughed, holding a couple of bottles of liquor over her head.

"Who's up for a bit of a game?" Alice asked with an evil glint in her eye as we all sat in a circle on the floor, myself nestled between Edwards legs.

"I don't like the sound of this…" I whispered into Edwards ear, leaning back against his chest.

"How about we play 'I've Never'?" Jasper offered downing his glass of wine. "We all say something we've not done and if anyone else has then they have to down a shot."

"Yeah! I like the sound of that one!" Emmett roared, rubbing his hands together, undoubtedly thinking of the most awful things he could.

"I, I don't know…" I stuttered

"Aw don't be a spoilsport Bella," Rose whined. "Hell I'll even let you start," she sang filling six shot glasses with a clear liquor I'm sure she chose specifically to do the most damage.

"Fine," I sighed, sitting up straight, racking my brain for a suitable question that wouldn't lead to me taking a shot. "Erm…I've never…eaten dog food," I offered, safe in the knowledge that I was safe.

"Drink up Eddie!" Emmett laughed handing a shot over.

"Thanks Bella," he whispered in my ear taking the glass from Emmett.

"Huh?" I asked confused, turning my head to face Edward.

"We were young, it was a stupid dare," he shrugged, knocking back the liquor and shuddering at the taste.

"My turn," Emmett announced raising his hand in the air. "I've never seen Bella naked…more than once," he laughed, causing a groan from the four other people in the room.

"Huh? Since when have you all seen me naked more than once?" I asked, astonished to see Alice, Rose and Jasper knocking a drink back.

"Well there was the streak down the beach," Alice giggled "And before that your drunken striptease at your party."

"Oh great. I'd forgotten about that," I moaned.

"Yeah, we all just wish we could forget about it," Rose laughed, filling the glasses once more. "My turn…I've never had anyone walk in on me whilst getting my groove on with my boyfriend or girlfriend," she smirked looking me in the eye.

Downing a shot I shuddered at the burning in my throat. I hated doing shots and was a complete lightweight when it came to liquor but there was no way they'd be getting the better of me.

"And another one Bella…" Jasper ordered. "A shot for each time is only fair." He laughed handing me another glass which I duly downed in one. Edward followed suit as he was as much a part of it as me. The questioning continued, all painfully aimed at Edward and I; the others only taking a drink when it was our turn to ask. Taking full delight in what was happening, the questions flew at us fast and hard. We had been set up royally but they would not win and there was no way I was going to let Emmett call me a pussy for backing out of the game.

"Right my turn!" Alice chirped, having obviously made the most of the free champagne earlier. "I've never gotten my rocks off at a restaurant whilst my friends sat around me." My heart jumped into my throat as I gasped and looked back at Edward, who was sat with a dopey grin on his face and eyes half closed.

"What?" I slurred, just about comprehending what Alice had said.

"You know exactly what," Rose laughed, handing over the bottle for us to take a drink. The shot glasses had been long forgotten.

"You all knew…" Edward asked, pointing a very uncoordinated finger at each of them in turn.

"Er, yeah!" Everyone replied in unison.

"I don't know what you're on about," I stated, closing my eyes and folding my arms across my chest clumsily, only to hear hysterical laughter reverberating around the room and feel Edward shaking uncontrollably behind me.

"I've never been caught getting jiggy in the bathroom by Carlisle!" Emmett boomed amidst the laughter.

"For such an innocent virgin Bella you've certainly given enough people a show in the last week!" Rose cried. "Now drink for the bathroom," she ordered, pointing at the bottle on the floor.

"Ugh, I'm not playing anymore," I grumped, turning around and using Edward as a prop to help me stand, only to fall on him and bury his face in my breasts. "Whoops!" I giggled. "I'll give you virgin. Come on Edward," I slurred, grabbing his hand and trying to pull him to his feet. "We're going to bed," I ordered, swaying and unable to feel my legs properly.

Dragging Edward towards the stairs, I found it increasingly difficult to focus and held onto the wall for support. "Since when did the stairs get so steep?" I huffed, looking upwards to what could possibly lead to my untimely death. Gingerly placing my feet on the bottom step I made my ascent. One up, two down, two up three down…

"Miss Swan did you know you have a rather lovely ass?" Edward slurred behind me palming my ass and pushing me up the stairs, only to trip and fall forward taking me with him. Lying face down on the top landing with Edwards face buried in my butt cheeks I couldn't stop the fit of hysterics.

"Can't we just sleep her tonight?" I asked through giggles, unable to get my arms and legs to do what I wanted.

"Mm hmm," Edward mumbled through my jeans, before crawling up and off my body and grabbing my hands to pull me up onto my feet. Failing miserably, I found myself being dragged on my stomach down the hallway and into his room, only to be let go of as he lost his balance falling backwards and landing flat on the floor himself.

"You're a disgrace Swan," Edward laughed, lying flat on his back staring at the ceiling.

"You can talk Cullen," I scoffed, crawling up on the bed, undoing my jeans and trying to pull them down my legs with my feet. "Any way this is your bloody family's fault," I mumbled through my top as I struggled to pull it over my head.

"I didn't see you complaining," he slurred as he stumbled towards the bed, almost tripping on his jeans around his ankles and throwing his shirt into the corner of the room. Flopping down on the bed bed he pulled me on top of him. "You are so fucking sexy Swan," he moaned, fumbling at my bra before giving up on the clasp and just pulling it off my shoulders and burying his face in my cleavage.

Shimmying down his body I placed sloppy kisses across his chest and abdomen before reaching my ultimate goal. "How's my little fella doing tonight?" I asked pulling down his boxers to free his erection and kissing the tip, to be rewarded with a low rumbling coming from his chest. Looking up, I expected to see an appreciative Edward but I saw something completely different. There he was, sprawled out on the bed snoring with drool trickling out the side of his open mouth.

"Hmph! Well that's just fucking rude!" I huffed, crawling back up his body and collapsing on his chest in my own drunken stupor.

* * *

**Please hit that little link down there and let me know what you think ;) **


	20. Crossing the Line

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 20 – Crossing the Line**

I could vaguely make out the sound of someone walking around the room as a marching band played in my head. As I heard the footsteps draw closer and felt a blanket being pulled over my body, I peeked open my eyes, only to be assaulted by ridiculously bright sunlight. "Charlie, just leave me please," I moaned, closing my eyes in the hope that sleep would bring about an end to my suffering.

"Bella, sweetie. Edward," the voice whispered.

"Mom!" Edward screeched, his voice dry and raspy. "What the hell?" he shouted, pulling the covers around us more and sitting up slightly. Peeling my face way from Edwards chest, I turned my head to see Esme standing next to the bed staring down at me.

"Esme," I gasped, realising I was only wearing panties and Edward was naked. She must have been the one to cover us up.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't want to invade your privacy like this but I've been knocking the door for thirty minutes without a reply. I heard about what the others did to you both last night and I was worried as it's nearly three in the afternoon," she said with a sad look on her face. "Get dressed and meet us downstairs as soon as possible. Your father needs to talk to you all. I'm afraid it's serious." With that she turned on her heels, closing the door softly behind her.

"What do you think it's about?" I asked looking up to Edwards face, my eyes squinting at the intrusive sunlight.

"I don't know and I'm not sure I want to know," he frowned, rolling onto his side and groaning as he sat upright at the edge of the bed. "I feel like shit." he moaned, standing up and losing his balance momentarily.

"You're not the only one," I groaned, rolling over and crawling out of bed not caring that I was only wearing my panties. Even the sight of Edward walking naked across the room to the bathroom didn't have any effect on me. My only concern was that I felt like I'd been hit by a bus and then reversed back over for good measure.

"Ew, I smell like a sumo's scrotum," I whined as I got into the bathroom and drank straight from the faucet trying to quell the drying burning in my throat.

"You're not the only one," Edward gruffed, lifting his arm and sniffing his pit before getting into the shower. "Come on, we'd better hurry up. You saw what Dad was like last night. If it's serious I don't want to be on the sharp end of the stick more than necessary." He held his hand out to me as I stepped out of my underwear and carefully into the shower.

Standing under the hot water was a God-send. I could feel my muscles loosen and my mind clear slightly. Edward was just standing in front of me with his eyes closed allowing the water to cascade down over his body. "I'm going to kill those fucktards for what they did last night," he growled, opening his eyes and looking down at me.

"It was just a joke, they thought they were being funny," I sighed as I began washing my hair, only to have my hands removed so that Edward could do it himself.

"No, it wasn't a joke. They knew exactly what they were doing and they crossed the line," he stated, turning me around so he had better access to my hair.

"Just promise me you won't do anything stupid," I pleaded as I turned around to face him once more and placed my hands on his chest.

"I won't, I promise. They just need to know they took it too far, that's all," he sighed, pulling me under the water to rinse and starting on his own hair. "Come on, let's get this over and done with," he said, getting out of the shower and wrapping a towel around his waist before helping me out and wrapping me up in a huge fluffy towel also.

"Do you think it's something really bad? You know, what Carlisle wants to talk about?" I worried.

"Whatever it is we'll face it together," he murmured, tilting my head to look in his eyes and rubbing his other hand up and down my back over the towel. "After we've both brushed our teeth." He laughed dramatically waving his hand in front of his nose.

* * *

Walking down the stairs I could just hear muffled, raised voices in the kitchen. Straining to hear what was being said, I could make out Emmett, Rose and Carlisle. _"Maybe I can make a quick break for it,"_ I thought to myself staring at the enticing front door.

"You'd never make it," Edward whispered in my ear as if he was reading my thoughts.

Squeezing his hand tighter, we walked into the lounge to be faced with three very forlorn looking characters. Alice smiled weakly at me, comforting her crying mother, and Jasper was looking intently at the blank television screen. "What the fuck is going on here? Who's died?" I hissed to Edward taking in the scene in front of me, and taking a seat next to Alice with Edward following.

As if on cue, Carlisle stormed into the lounge followed by a very sheepish looking Emmett and Rose. "I've had enough with all of you!" he thundered, pulling on Emmett's shirt and pushing him into the sofa to sit down followed quickly by Rose.

"What the hell has happened?" Edward asked wide-eyed at his furious father.

"Carlisle, please calm down," Esme pleaded, getting to her feet and holding onto his arm.

"I thought we brought you up to know respect," he snarled at Edward, Alice and Emmett.

"Dad, if this is about the whole bathroom thing last night…" Edward said nervously, only to be ignored. I grasped his hand for reassurance. The situation was really starting to worry me now. I thought I'd seen Carlisle at his worst last night, but this was something altogether different and, quite frankly, terrifying.

"Emmett, I have treated you like my own son and that is how you repay me?" he spat, purple in the face with anger. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't tell your mother, and your parents Rose"

"Uncle Carlisle, Aunt Esme, I'm begging you please don't," Emmett pleaded as Rose broke down in tears, hiding her face behind her hands, her body racked with sobs.

"What the hell happened?" I whispered to Alice in complete shock.

"Turns out Romeo and Juliet used the camera for a special project after the whole Tanya thing and Dad found it this morning…" she whispered back, nodding to the shamed couple sitting on the other sofa.

"Wh-what? A porno?" I exclaimed as quietly as possible, but obviously not low enough not to be noticed by Carlisle.

"Yes, Bella, Don Juan over there stole my camera to make an obscene video," he shouted. "I can honestly say that I am truly ashamed of my family right now." Carlisle sighed sadly. "You all behaved despicably towards Edward and Bella last night. Did you really think the snide comments at the dinner table went unnoticed? What gets me is that you have the audacity to mock their relationship and ritually humiliate them when you, yourselves, are engaging in such disgusting behaviour. And as for the way you all ganged up on them…" He shook his head, not finishing his sentence and turning his back on everyone.

"_Had Carlisle really noticed everything? How much does he actually know? Oh my God, how am I going to face him in the future..."_ I panicked, feeling my cheeks heat up. Looking over towards Emmett he smirked at me and mumbled something under his breath that I didn't quite hear.

"What did you just say shit head?" Edward snarled, looking in his direction.

"You heard me," Emmett growled, back locking eyes with him.

"Say it again tough guy," he shouted leaping to his feet, his fists balled at his side and shoulders tensed.

"Edward no!" I screamed as he flew at Emmett. I was too late to do anything, and before I knew what was truly happening I heard a sickening thud as Edwards fist made contact with Emmett square on the jaw. Everyone jumped to their feet, Jasper and Carlisle dragging a snarling Edward away from his battered cousin. "Edward! What the hell have you done?" I cried standing in front of him, creating a human barrier between the pair of them.

"You all heard what he said!" He shouted trying to break free of Jasper and his father. "I'm sorry Bella, I couldn't stop myself. He crossed the line." Edward was close to breaking down and tears were stingy my own eyes.

"Get him out of here," Esme said coolly as Edward twisted out of the tight embrace and stormed out of the front door. "Please go and find him Bella," she asked holding my hand, before turning to Carlisle and talking to him in a hushed tone.

* * *

Walking out of the front door, Edward was sat slumped on the top step, his shoulders hunched, sobs racking his whole body. Sitting down beside him it physically hurt to see him in such a state as he wrapped his arms around me and cried into my chest. "I'm so sorry Bella, I can't believe I just did that," he managed through the sobs. "It's just that when he said that I saw red. I can't stand to see you being the butt of so many jokes all the time. I feel this unrelenting urge to protect you, even against my own family. I've never hit Emmett before, he's like my brother."

"Shush, I know," I comforted, brushing his hair away from his face and tilting his head to see his tear stained face and red puffy eyes. "The only thing I'm pissed about is the fact that you had to shout so loud. I've got the motherfucking headache and hangover from hell," I laughed, wiping his cheeks and trying to lighten the mood somewhat.

"Yeah, you're not the only one," he laughed weakly, wiping his face and kissing me softly on the lips.

"Edward sweetheart," Esme said as she came to sit down next to her son, putting her arm around his shoulders and brushing his hair back with her other hand. "Why don't you stay at Bella's tonight? I'll phone Charlie and explain everything," she said leaning over and placing the keys to his Volvo in my hand.

"Yeah I think that would be a good idea," I said smiling at Esme. "Just to get away from things a bit." Edward simply nodded his head, stood up brushing down his shirt and walked over to his car. Edward was stood next to the passenger door which relieved me slightly. He was in no mood to drive and I was in no mood to argue about it.

"So what are we going to do about this?" I asked, putting my keys in the ignition and hearing the engine purr to life. "About Emmett? He's still your family."

"Fuck my family. You are my life now," he sighed, leaning back in the chair and closing his eyes.

* * *

**Please hit that little link down there and let me know what you think ;) **


	21. Don't Shoot the Messenger

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 21 – Don't Shoot The Messenger.**

By the time we'd reached home Edward seemed to have calmed down somewhat. He hadn't uttered another single word since leaving the Cullen's, but his grip on the door had relaxed and the constipated look on his face had mellowed slightly. Still sitting with his eyes closed his face was strained and his jaw tight.

"Edward we're home," I said softly as I pulled onto the driveway, noticing that Charlie's cruiser wasn't parked _"Good, one less complication,"_ I thought to myself, relieved that I wouldn't have to explain things to him, not just yet anyway.

"Good, I feel sick," Edward moaned, rolling out of the door and standing, leaning his hands on the car, his head dipped down looking at the floor.

"Through stupid drinking or stupid closing your eyes on the journey?" I laughed walking around the car and hugging him from behind. There were two reasons why Edward always insisted on driving, the first being he didn't trust my driving enough to arrive in one piece – although he always denied it, and secondly he got travel sick all too easily. When I saw him sitting with his eyes closed on the way home I knew exactly what we would be in for at the destination- a rather fragile and green Cullen.

"A bit of both I think," he chuckled, turning around and kissing me tenderly on the lips before tucking my head under his chin and resting his cheek on the top of my head.

"Come on, let's get in. We need to talk," I said taking his hand and leading him into the house. No complaint, in fact, no response at all. He simply just followed obediently. "You go upstairs and I'll grab some drinks for us," I said pointing to the stairs as I made my way into the kitchen, glad to have a minute to myself to collect my thoughts and think about what had happened less than an hour earlier.

What the hell had happened to Edward to make him attack his cousin like that? And why did he appear so crushed right now? We'd always been like that Emmett and I. The usual banter between us, granted it had taken a more sexual - some would say more embarrassing - turn lately, but surely that was only to be expected considering what had happened in the past week? We'd always had a competitive relationship, trying to beat each other in games and outdo each other in other ways. Perhaps it really had crossed the line now, involving other people including Carlisle and Esme who most certainly didn't deserve it.

I needed to know exactly what Emmett had said to cause such a reaction. I couldn't imagine him saying something so nasty and hurtful to intentionally cause Edward to nearly rip his throat out. Grabbing a large bottle of water and two bottles of orange juice, I made my way upstairs to confront Edward about the whole fiasco and I wasn't going to relent until he told me everything.

As I kicked the bedroom door open, Edward was lying on his back on my bed with his eyes covered by his forearm, causing his shirt to ride up and expose his stomach. _"Dirty Bella! It's time to comfort, not molest."_ I scolded myself silently for the inappropriate thoughts that instantly invaded my brain. Hearing me enter the room, Edward opened his free arm across the bed as an invitation for me to join him without looking at me. I put the bottles down and crawled up onto the bed next to him and snuggled into his side, running my hand over his soft, warm abdomen.

"I'm sorry Bella," he mumbled through his forearm which was partially covering his mouth along with his eyes.

"Shush," I whispered removing his arm so I could look at his face. "Are you going to tell me what Emmett said?" I pressed. If he had said something nasty enough to cause Edward so much pain it would be me being held back from finishing the job properly.

"Bella, please it's nothing. I don't want to talk about it," he sighed, pulling me tighter to his body.

"Well I'm sorry Edward but this needs to be talked about," I stated leaning up on his chest and turning his face to look at me. "I am not going to just sit back and let you destroy your family like this for no God-damn reason."

"He shouldn't have said it…" he sighed, averting his eyes and looking towards the corner of the room.

"Well shouldn't I be the judge of that? It was obviously about me so I should be the one to decide if he took it too far and deserved a split lip," I said louder than necessary and extricating myself from his grip to sit up on the bed. "Now, you either tell me or I go back to yours and have it out with Emmett myself," I stated boldly, moving to get up off the bed only to be held back by Edward.

"Fine, after the whole videotape thing he said that you preferred giving 'live shows'," he sighed, scooting up the bed to lean on the headboard and closing his eyes.

"Is _that_ it?" I exclaimed. "All this over a fucking stupid comment like that? You punched Emmett over that? It was a fucking joke and I've heard worse from him!" I shouted unable to contain my anger, getting off the bed and standing next to it. _"Stupid fucking melodramatic Cullen…"_

"You don't get it do you?" he growled. "You really don't see the way they all treat you? You're the butt of all the jokes and just sit there and take it."

"It's all just a joke, that's all. We're friends and you know Emmett and I have always had that sort of relationship, trying to outdo each other at everything," I reasoned to an angry looking Edward.

"That's just it though Bella," he sighed, moving to the edge of the bed. "It's not a joke. They take every opportunity to humiliate you and get away with it because you refuse to see it and just take it on the chin."

"Yeah stupid fucking Bella! Missing the point yet again." I cried; a combination of tears of anger over what had happened and the realisation of exactly how I'd been taken for a ride. "Ugh my head hurts…"

"Bella it's not that you missed the point. You always see the good in people and ignore that bad, even if it is slapping you in the face," he said softly, pulling me towards him and resting his head against my chest. "It's something I admire in you and just another thing I love about you. It's nearly killed me at times to sit back and watch you take everything they throw at you. And knowing that I'm part of the reason they have so much ammunition to throw at you tears me apart."

"Hey," I said tugging gently at his hair to tilt his face upwards "We were in that equally. Well apart from when you decided to molest me in the restaurant." I laughed thinking back to how ridiculous it was. "But I got something out of that also…"

"Ugh, I need to lie down," he groaned, lying back on the bed and pulling himself up towards the headboard. "I'm not drinking again…"

"Yeah, I said that last week remember and look at me today," I laughed, lying down next to him and resting my head on his chest to listen to his steady heartbeat which was beating in time to the drum in my own head.

"Well you're just a bad influence on me. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have drunk half as much last night," he laughed poking me in the ribs.

"Yeah, right," I scoffed sticking my tongue out at him.

"I've got another use for that tongue if you're stuck for ideas." He winked at me.

Shaking my head and trying to banish all thoughts of exactly what I wanted to do with my tongue, or even better what I wanted Edward to do with his tongue, I pushed myself up to lean on his chest. Giving him my best serious face, I frowned and looked into his eyes. "Edward I need you to do something for me."

"Anything, I am forever in your service, both emotionally and physic…" he began, before I stopped him mid-sentence by putting my finger on his lips.

"Please, be serious," I sighed. "Don't lose your family over all this shit that's going on."

"Bella, I'm sorry but I cannot take the way they treat you anymore. As long as I have you I don't need them," he said sadly looking up at the ceiling, a single tear escaping from his eye which I wiped away.

"Don't be so fucking pig-headed Edward Cullen," I scolded. "You and I both know how important family is and I will not stand idly by while you mope in your own pool of self pity and push away everyone you love."

"But I won't push you away," he replied, brushing my cheek with his thumb.

"Of course you will! How can you be so selfish? How about you think about others instead of yourself? Do you know what it's like to lose someone in your family?" I cried wiping away the tears I had tried to hold back and pounding my fist on his chest.

"Bella…" he stammered, shocked by my sudden outburst.

"I fucking well do. Esme is the closest thing I have to my own mother. Think about what you'd be taking away from me also if you continue down this path. I couldn't bear to lose anyone else dear to me." I cried harder as Edward pulled me down to him and hugged me tightly. My chest was heaving from the sobs. "You'll be taking away the people I love."

"Bella…please don't do this." Edward cried along with me, holding me impossibly tight to his body. "I can't stand seeing you like this."

"Well you know what you have to do," I mumbled into his tear-soaked shirt.

"I know," he sighed, kissing the top of my head and playing with my hair.

* * *

It could have hours or minutes that we lay on the bed. Listening to Edward humming my favourite lullaby and his heartbeat, all other sounds in the world were insignificant. This was where I wanted to be, forever. No complications. If being with Edward for eternity meant so much as giving up my own life I would gladly do it. Why couldn't vampires be real? We could be together forever in this unadulterated state of teenage love.

Edwards breathing changed and a contented sigh left his mouth as a low rumble could be heard in his chest. Watching him sleep could easily be one of my new hobbies. All the stress of the day seemed to leave his face. It was as if I could literally see it drain from him. Running my hand through his tousled bronze hair, I noticed the purple shadows under his eyes which I knew only appeared when he was exhausted or extremely stressed. Now it was my turn to feel the guilt. Why didn't I stand up to Emmett and the others? Perhaps if I had, then Edward wouldn't have carried the burden for both of us.

Lost in my own thoughts I was only vaguely aware of the knocking on my door.

"Bella?" Charlie's voiced could be heard from outside.

"Come in Dad," I shouted back leaning up slightly, instinctively checking our state of dress, causing Edward to stir.

"Sorry, kids. It's dinner time," he said poking his head through the door looking nervous as to what he might see.

"Oh sorry dad," I said, starting to untangle myself from Edward and sit up. "I'll make it now."

"Don't be silly Bells," he laughed, turning around and picking up something from the console table in the hallway. "I am capable of cooking something now and again. Well, when I say cooking…" he said bringing in a tray containing grilled cheese and coffee.

"Oh thanks Dad."

"Well I figured you'd need something to eat. Esme told me what happened last night and this morning," he sighed, shaking his head and putting the tray down on the end of the bed.

"_Oh shit! What did she tell him? What exactly does Esme know anyway?"_ I panicked thinking of all the sordid details about my sex life that my father may now be privy to.

"Edward you're more than welcome to stay here as long as you like." He nodded to a sleepy Edward.

"Er thanks Charlie," Edward replied, sitting upright and scooting backwards; his eyes darting to my father's belt, obviously checking for his gun. "I'll just need a pillow and blanket. I'll sleep on the sofa."

"That won't be necessary Edward. You can stay up here with Bella," Charlie mumbled gruffly. No matter how 'ok' he might have been with Edward and I being together, he'd never fully accept the fact that we were together in every, well nearly every, sense of the word. "I may be from the Ark but I'm not stupid," he said giving us a knowing glance.

"Thanks Charlie, I really appreciate it," Edward said in a mild state of shock. Did my father really just give my boyfriend permission to sleep in the same bed as me for as long as he wanted?

"Anyway, I'm going to be away tonight and tomorrow. Harry and I are going fishing in Lakes District tomorrow so we'll be leaving soon to get a good start and staying at the lodge. Please don't do anything stupid while I'm gone and be careful when cooking. If there's any trouble the guys at the station know you're here alone so just phone them if you need anything."

"Yeah, thanks Dad." I smiled, climbing over Edward to get off the bed and kissing Charlie on the cheek. "We'll be fine. If you remember it wasn't _me_ that burned the kitchen down trying to make fajitas…"

"That wasn't my fault, the stove malfunctioned. Anyway, eat something. I'm going to pack my gear and then we're off, oh, and this was on the floor by the front door," Charlie said throwing a white envelope with my name scrawled on it at me as he left the room, closing the door loudly behind him.

Recognising the handwriting, I had no intention of reading whatever was enclosed in the envelope. I simply tossed it on my bedside table and eyed up the food Charlie had brought us. Looking at the grilled cheese, my stomach growled and I was suddenly aware of just how hungry I was. Grabbing the tray (and nearly giving myself second degree burns with the coffee) I sat next to Edward, handing him his food as I greedily tucked in, only to burn my chin with the melted cheese. "Ow fuck, that's hot," I complained, wiping away the burning liquid.

"Well if it was cold it would just be a cheese sandwich," Edward laughed through a mouthful of food.

"No shit Sherlock," I scoffed, downing some orange juice from earlier. "Don't you know it's rude to talk with your mouth open?"

"Apparently not. And you missed a bit." He laughed licking the grease left on my chin.

"Ew, if I wanted something to lick my face I'd have bought a dog," I complained, wiping his spit from my face and pushing him away from me. "Fancy watching a DVD?" I asked getting off the bed and looking through my collection.

"Yeah sure, what you got?" Edward replied, finishing his own food and what was left on my plate.

"Hmm, 'Into The Wild'?" I mused looking over my shoulder towards Edward. "Maybe not, I forgot that made you cry last time…"

"I did not cry, something got in my eye," he huffed crossing his arms over his chest like a spoilt child.

"Yeah whatever. We'll pass on that one. I'd hate to upset a delicate flower such as yourself," I laughed picking out 'The Messengers', one of my favourite films even if it did make me pee myself a bit the first time I watched it. "How about a bit of horror? Or will that make you cry also?"

"Just put the damn film on Swan and we'll see who ends up crying," he ordered, pointing to my TV and hugging a spare pillow to his chest looking very uneasy.

I settled down next to him, pulling the pillow away from his chest and replacing it with my body and pressed play. As I'd already seen the movie I knew exactly when to look away, but Edward hadn't so it was all new to him. I made sure to look at him when the ghost crawled across the ceiling. I don't know why but that had always freaked me out. I think it was just the jerky movement and sound.

"That Jessica looks a bit like you," he whispered into my hair. "Your ass is just more robust than hers."

"Cheeky bastard. I look nothing like her. And my ass is not robust!" I chided, smacking him playfully on the stomach. As the film continued, I chuckled to myself every time I heard a gasp from Edward or felt his body tense up.

"Holy mother of fucking Christ!" He screeched pulling me tighter to him and hiding his face in my hair.

"_My boyfriend is officially a pussy,"_ I thought to myself at his reaction to a part that wasn't even particularly scary.

As the credits rolled following the predictable end with the 'happily ever after', I looked up to Edward who was even paler than usual and looked as though he was fighting back tears. "How's you?" I smirked, knowing full well that he had hated every second of the film. "No tears this time? Need a change of underwear?"

"Eh, it wasn't scary," he shrugged, trying to act as nonchalant as possible. "I was expecting more from the Pang brothers and Sam Raimi…"

"You are so full of shit! Any scarier and you would have had a coronary!" I laughed, rolling to face him and kissing him quickly on the lips only to feel his vice-like grip around my waist pulling me tighter to him as he deepened the kiss.

Straddling his waist I could feel his erection pressing against me through his jeans. "Edward I want to do it," I mumbled into his mouth, but he didn't hear me and moved onto my neck where he placed gentle kisses. "Edward, did you hear me?" I asked putting my finger under his chin to he would look me in the eye. "I said…" I trailed off, just looking down to his crotch and undoing his belt hoping that he would get my meaning. I didn't want to actually say it out loud.

"Are you sure?" he asked wide eyed. "What about Charlie?"

"He went out half way through the movie. He called up to us but you were too busy covering your ears and scrunching your eyes." I laughed thinking back to his appearance. He was every bit the small child hiding behind the sofa when The Daleks appeared in Dr Who.

"Are you sure you want to? I mean…" he stuttered as I pulled down the zipper on his jeans.

"Edward I've never been so sure about anything in my life." I smiled looking into his ocean deep green eyes. And I was sure this time. I really, honestly, truly didn't want for anything else right now. It was right, and this time there would be no interruptions.

* * *

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	22. Make Love, Not War

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 22 – Make Love, Not War**

"Are you sure about this?" Edward asked looking deep into my eyes, a faint smirk apparent on his lips.

"Edward, if you ask me that one more time I will change my mind and you will get no closer than ten feet from me for the foreseeable future…" I scolded, poking him in the chest, and getting off the bed to lock the door. There was absolutely no way I was risking anything this time.

Standing looking at the now locked door I took a deep breath. _"Get a grip Bella,"_ I thought as I heard Edward getting off the bed and padding over to where I stood. Standing behind me, he wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face into the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply into my hair.

"Mm, delicious," he murmured into my skin, a smile forming on his lips as I turned around, wrapping my arms around his neck and playing with his hair. Meeting his mouth with mine, a low hum reverberated from his chest and he held my body tight to his, feeling every inch of him pressed against me, most noticeably his erection against my stomach.

As our mouths explored each other's our hands did the same. Edward's hands ran across my ass, cupping it before roaming up my back, my own wandering across his abdomen and chest. "I love you Isabella," Edward whispered as his hands reached the hem of my shirt and lifted it, only releasing my mouth to get it over my head.

"I love you too Edward but I believe you are somewhat overdressed." I winked, dragging my finger down his shirt covered torso. Needing no encouragement he pulled his shirt over his head and pulled me back towards his body, kissing the side of my neck and down to my collarbone. The feel of his warm, soft body against mine played havoc with my already hormone riddled body.

"_Guess that's another pair of panties to be thrown away. Maybe I should start charging him each time…hang on maybe not, that would be too close to prostitution for comfort…"_

Lost in my thoughts, I hadn't noticed that Edward had stopped kissing me and was staring at my face. Looking up, my eyes caught his. He had a strange look on his face; a mix of uncertainty and pure lust. His hands had moved to my front and his fingers gripped the button on my jeans, unmoving. Realising that he was asking permission, I simply nodded my head as he popped the button and I wriggled them down my legs, before holding onto his shoulders and kicking them across the room. Sensing my trepidation he undid his own jeans and tossed them aside. I was in no doubt my hands would not co-operate with me at this precise moment.

So there I was, standing in my underwear with my boyfriend in his. My mind was mush, my stomach was doing somersaults and I was pretty sure that I needed a pee. What was wrong with me? We'd been like this loads of times before, hell, communal showers had nearly become the norm. Oh yeah that's right, Edward was about to bone me. Nicely put Bella... Edward was going to make love to me. Better.

"Er Edward," I stammered, grabbing hold of his hands which had taken up permanent residence on my ass. "I-I-I…"

"Bella, if you're not sure about this we don't have to do anything. I don't want to take this away from you… he started before I cut in mid-sentence.

"Edward, you are not taking anything away from me. I am giving it to you. Accept the freaking gift!" I sighed realising how harsh I had sounded towards him. "I just feel a bit awkward. I know we've been naked together before but this is different."

Without uttering a word he lead us across the bedroom where he pulled the blanket down and crawled to the middle of the bed, not releasing my hands. Following him, I got into bed and snuggled into his side absorbing myself in his sweet scent as he pulled the covers over us.

Kissing me tenderly, Edward's hands moved around my back and unclipped the clasp on my bra before nibbling on the sensitive skin behind my ear, murmuring sweet nothings. As he successfully got it undone, I sat up and dropped it from my body earning an audible gasp from Edward and what sounded like _'magnificent'._

Pulling down his boxers with shaky hands my stomach jumped into my throat. Yes, I'd seen it before but tonight it just looked bigger than ever. _"Jesus, it's like a toddlers arm…yeah the toddler from Honey I Blew Up The Baby!"_ I gasped to myself. Noticing my reaction Edward frowned with a look of concern on his face.

"What's wrong?"

"W-w…I'm mean what if you're too big?" I stammered, my eyes wide as saucers and fixed on his cock.

"I doubt it. We're made for each other," he reassured. "Anyway, it's no bigger than Emmett's'…"

"Huh?" I said after comprehending what he had just said "How…how do you know that? You know what, I don't want to know."

"Let's just say it involved some vodka, a tent and a ruler when we were fifteen." He laughed, kissing me warmly on the lips and rolling over so he was half on top of me.

"_Great just what I need to think of right now, Emmett's wart encrusted dick"_ I thought, stifling a laugh through the kiss as I ran my hands down his back memorising every contour of his muscles, until I got to his tight backside and pulled him tighter to my body.

"But what if I'm too small?" I worried, practically hissing the word small.

"Too small? You think a lot of yourself," he laughed running his fingers down my stomach.

"Cheeky fuck! Are you implying it would be like throwing a hotdog down the hall?" I screamed in mock annoyance and smacking him around the back of his head in a way that Rosalie would have been proud of.

"_Ok, enough thinking of your friends Bella!"_

His hands moved from the sides of my face and traced their way down my ribs and stomach until they reached the elastic on my panties. When they didn't move for a few seconds, I gave him a helping hand, wriggling out of them and throwing them across the room not caring where they landed. Hell, they were beyond washing now anyway.

His hands continued their journey south causing my womb to lurch. I could practically hear my ovaries flutter at the thought of some action, so little they knew. They would remain unused, and just continue to irritate me, for some years to come. Laying kisses across my breasts, he shifted position so he was more on top of me with his erection pressing against my inner thigh, his hands continuing their exploration.

"Edward, we need something," I mumbled into his hair, my skin on fire and what felt like molten lava running through my veins. As he released his weight from on top of my body I turned over towards to the bedside table, struggling with the stubborn drawer and rummaged around for the paper bag of 'goodies' I was given by the doctor when I renewed my pill prescription. The gift from Charlie had been thrown into some dark hole amid a fit of anger and embarrassment.

"Strawberry or banana?" I asked looking back over my shoulder towards Edward.

"I'm not really that hungry right now," he replied with a smirk on his face, kissing my back between the shoulder blades and brushing his crotch against my backside causing a sharp intake of breath.

"Strawberry," I said rolling back to face him, holding up the first foil wrapper in my left hand "or banana?" holding up the second in my right hand.

"Can I say neither? I don't fancy the idea of my dick smelling like fruit," he said scrunching his nose and pulling a face of disgust.

"Ok, regular it is," I said biting on my lower lip and putting the more flavourful ones back for use at a later time and handing the blue foil to Edward. Rolling onto his back he made swift work of opening the wrapper and rolling the condom into place.

"That was quick; sure you haven't done this before?" I laughed as the speed of his movements.

"Well, I did practice.." he mumbled, his face turning a vibrant shade of crimson.

"_Wow…red and ginger really do clash,"_ I mused, taking in the tone of his flushed skin next to his messy bronzed locks.

"You practised?" I said in astonishment, my brow furrowed.

"Yeah…erm…I didn't want to mess this up," he said softly looking down at the mattress and playing with the crumpled sheet.

"You could never mess this up," I said taking his face between my hands and kissing him deeply on the lips. "So how do you want to do this?" I asked quietly, chewing on my lip for all it was worth, sure that if I went any deeper I'd draw blood.

"Hmm, I'd only thought as far as actually getting it in. Just normal, you know…missionary…It would be easiest," he mumbled looking anxious, the red not leaving his cheeks.

"Sounds good to me." I smiled, pushing him over in bed and settling on my back, kissing him softly on the lips. _"Damn it, I thought I'd be the nervous one…"_ I thought, looking at the look on Edwards face. He really was shitting bricks.

As he settled himself on top of me I could feel his cock pressing against me. Heart thundering a mile a minute and panicking about nervous diarrhoea, yeah that would be great – shitting all over my boyfriend at the pinnacle moment, I could barely focus on his face above mine; the only distinguishable feature being his green eyes, my favourite part.

"_Concentrate on the eyes Bella, let them take you away to your happy place…"_

"Err Bella, you need to give me some room," he said staring into my eyes, his arms trembling slightly as he took most of his weight on them. Looking down I realised what he meant- my knees were practically clamped together.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I spread them, allowing him to nestle between my thighs, feeling his erection pressed up against me. _"Oh shit, it's real! This is actually happening! Fuck!"_ I panicked as I felt every muscle, and I mean _every_ muscle, in my body contract. Swallowing hard, I gave my best and most convincing _'I'm fine'_ smile, not fooling him for a second of course. After eighteen years of friendship nothing got past Edward, unfortunately.

"Sweetheart, you need to relax," he whispered into my hair as my knees began to tremble. "It's going to hurt but I'll be as gentle as possible. If you don't relax it will be worse."

"Yeah, sorry," I stammered trying to think of happy things.

"_Relax? He's not the one about to be impaled by 'Mr Monster Cock'…Fluffy kitten…fluffy kitten being ram-rodded by Great Dane…Cute puppy…cute puppy being drilled by an elephant…yeah this isn't helping…Big elephant…yes, BIG elephant…being rogered by a blue whale…oh fuck it's useless!"_

"Isabella Swan, I love you with all my heart," he whispered as I felt him shift and the tip of his penis push into me.

"Uh hmm," was the only response I was capable of. _"This isn't too bad,"_ I thought at the mild pain, fully expecting him to tear me in half.

"Are you ok?" he asked, an edge of pain to his voice as he looked into my eyes with concern.

"Yeah, I'm ok," I replied, my voice wavering slightly. "Just keep going."

"I'm really sorry," he whispered, barely audibly, as he slowly pushed himself all the way into me and letting out a low groan.

"_Fuuuuuuuuck!"_

I gripped onto his shoulders and then the sheet not to inflict too much damage on him. Hell, maybe I should just keep on his shoulders and let him experience a tenth of what I was going though. Taking deep breaths, I tried to calm myself down and ignore the intense pain ripping through my nether regions. Feeling a tear come to my eye, I buried my face in the crook of his neck. Lord knows, if he saw me cry he'd never touch me again and I'd die a virgin, well actually I wouldn't technically be a virgin, a semi-virgin perhaps?

Noticing my discomfort. Discomfort? That's putting it mildly. He stopped moving and stroked my hair to bring my head down so he could see my face. "Bella, please, you've got to talk to me. I swear, you have to tell me if I hurt you," he said in a pained and husky voice. Whether that was from worry or the control he was exerting in an effort not to plough me I didn't know.

"Edward, it's going to hurt. Just…just give me a minute…" I said trying to calm my voice and summon some of my extremely well hidden confidence. After what seemed like an eternity, the worst of the pain had gone and I just felt slight burning and discomfort. Shifting my hips experimentally, I gave Edward a small nod as permission for him to carry on. Taking my cue he began moving in shallow thrusts.

In an attempt to forget about the pain I thought about random things. The day we spent at the zoo when he got bit by the monkey, the night we spent having Twinkie eating competitions and he vomited in my shoe, the day Edward tied my shoe laces together whilst hanging upside down on the monkey bars and I wet myself which ran into my mouth, the many nights camping in the garden where we spent hours staring at the stars and then falling asleep together – usually in the same sleeping bag, the afternoon aged ten we spent trying on his parents clothes just for Carlisle to walk in as Edward had Esme's dress and high heels on. So many happy memories, all with Edward and this would be just another to add to the extensive list.

Just thinking back to all the fun times and experiences we shared together, I thought my heart was about to explode. This, right now, was where I was meant to be. With the man I loved, and had loved for as long as I could remember. Truly joined as one, the missing piece to my puzzle.

"Bella, are you ok?" he asked, taking me from my thoughts and back to reality. Looking up, his face was red and his hair stuck to his forehead. "Bella?" he asked again not taking his eyes from mine or stopping his movements.

"Yeah, much better than ok." I smiled kissing him on the lips. Swiping his tongue across my bottom lip I granted him access as I deepened the kiss, a moan escaped from my chest and my hands found their way into his hair, pulling slightly.

"I'm, I'm not going to last much longer," he panted, breaking away from the kiss and burying his face in my shoulder, before I felt his body shudder and a moan reverberate through his as he relaxed down on me.

"_I've just had sex with Edward!"_ I thought as he lay trying to catch his breath. _"I've just had sex with Edward!"_

It wasn't the mind blowing experience people talk about, not in a physical sense anyway. It was more than that, so much more. I had never felt as close to anyone before, something I couldn't articulate. We were really one entity, as if we were always meant to be and had just been temporarily separated. If it was even possible, I loved him even more than before. Thinking about it caused the floodgates to open and before I knew what was happening, I was sobbing into his shoulder.

"Oh my God! Bella!" Edward exclaimed, rolling over and pulling me into his chest in a tight embrace, his body slick with sweat. "What's wrong, please darling, please tell me. Did I hurt you too much?" he asked, his voice frantic as he quickly brushed my hair away from my face.

"N-n-n-no," I stuttered looking up at him with a grin on my face. "I just can't believe we did that. It was perfect."

"Really?" he asked, a shit eating grin forming on his lips. "I was so worried."

"Edward Cullen, I love you with all my heart," I whispered, mimicking what he had said to me as I kissed him gently on the lips and snuggled into his chest, needing to feel close to him for as long as humanly possible. I could feel his body shake slightly causing me to look up at his face.

There were tears streaming down his eyes and a look of absolute adoration on his face. Brushing his sweat coated hair from his forehead; I wiped the tears away with my thumb and placed a tender kiss on his lips before resting my head on his chest once again. No words were needed.

Closing my eyes and listening to his heartbeat thrum steadily away, I allowed myself to relive the experience, as complete and content as I could possibly be. Moving my leg to rest over his thigh I winced at the pain.

"_Yeah that's going to hurt in the morning,"_ I thought with a smile on my lips as I allowed slumber to take me.

* * *

Sooooo... they've finally done the deed! Now, this was purposely done without the brainblowing climaxes, so please don't send me loads of messages complaining about Bella not having her socks knocked off.

_If you wanna read more funny twific please head on over to www . gigglesnort . net where we have a fantastic (and growing) collection of rib ticklers._

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	23. Fun Down at the Docks

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 23 – Fun Down at the Docks**

I opened my eyes to be met by the blue moonlight streaming through the window and accentuating the contours of Edward's chest and stomach; the fine hairs across his pecks shining in the glow. My eyes followed the path down his stomach, past his bellybutton as my fingers played with the fine trail of hair that disappeared below the sheet thrown over his waist hiding his modesty. Letting out a quiet sigh, I gently kissed him just below his sternum receiving a quiet hum in response.

My eyes travelled back up his body taking in every detail, until they reached his strong jaw with a couple days grow of stubble on it. It was slightly darker than the hair on his head but with still a bronze tint to it. Moving my gaze up his face I reached his eyes, piercing in the dim light and staring straight back at me. As our gazes me,t I noticed that the expression on his face was unsettling, his eyes held a look of concern and his brows were furrowed.

"What's the matter?" I asked shifting up the bed slightly and making myself more comfortable against his body.

"Nothing," he replied dryly, looking away and up at the ceiling

"Edward what's wrong?" I asked again my mind filling with dread. _"Oh my God! He regrets it."_ I panicked sitting up and holding the sheet up to my chest and backing away slightly. "Edward tell me."

"Do you regret it?" he whispered barely audibly, still avoiding eye contact.

"N-n-no, no, no," I stammered pulling his chin so he would face me. "Wh-why would you ask that?" How could I possibly regret having sex with the man I love?

"It's just that you didn't…you know…" he mumbled waving his finger around and pointing vaguely to my lower half and back to him.

"I didn't what?" I asked frowning until it dawned on me what he meant "Oh!" I gushed suddenly feeling rather embarrassed that he had noticed. Then again what did I expect with having probably the most observant boyfriend on the planet?

"Did I do something wrong?" he questioned, resting his arm under his head and turning his head to face me looking as though he could quite possibly be on the verge of tears, again.

"What do you mean? Of course you did nothing wrong," I said defensively, although I was pretty sure I had nothing to defend. "Edward it was our first time. It was fucking amazing! I have never felt anything like that before, feeling so close to you. Completely connected both physically and emotionally."

"Yeah but it was as if you weren't really there, you know? That you were zoned out thinking about other stuff," he sighed, a million different emotions flashing behind his eyes.

"Well I _was_ thinking about stuff. I was thinking about _you_ the whole time. About everything we've done together through our lives, and how tonight would just be another amazing memory to add to the list. Anyway, it's not like I was thinking of new colour schemes for my room." I smiled, winking at him, pulling his face towards mine and running my lips across his just barely grazing the skin before continuing across his jaw and down his neck to his shoulder.

"Yeah but you still didn't…" he began as I placed a kiss on his shoulder and nibbled the skin gently. "Who thinks of colour schemes?"

"Rose," I shrugged with a smirk on my lips.

"You're shitting me!" he exclaimed, snapping his head in my direction with a huge smile on his lips. "That's priceless!"

"Seriously though, Edward, this may be hard to believe but for me it wasn't just about getting my rocks off. Anyway, you name one woman who managed the big 'O' during their first time and I will call them a liar," I scolded, pushing against his chest and sitting up more before climbing onto his body and straddling his waist. Suddenly feeling self-conscious once more I grabbed the sheet, wrapping it around my body. Realising how stupid that appeared I relaxed the sheet. I was sitting on him naked as the day I was born so he would certainly feel more than he could see in this light anyway.

Leaning forward on his body my breasts brushed against his chest sending tingles down my spine. Putting on the best husky voice I could manage, I leaned into his and put my mouth next to his ear. "If you are so concerned I'm sure you could make up for it," I breathed, causing a rumble to rip through his chest and vibrate through my body only adding to the mess I was leaving on his stomach.

Without warning his hands gripped my ass as he leaned up and kissed me deeply on the mouth. Feeling a familiar protrusion against my lower back I wrapped my arms around his neck and held onto his hair pulling him even closer to me.

"Fuck, Bella." he mumbled through the kiss as he sat up slightly and I leaned back down, inadvertently wedging his erection between my ass cheeks. Feeling my blush spread across my whole body at the unexpected intrusion, and letting out a high pitched squeak, I jumped up quickly and off his body to sit on the bed next to him. His whole body was racked with hysterics and I couldn't help but join him, collapsing down on the bed next to him laughing at the absurdity of my actions.

"I take it _that's_ out of the question!" Edward laughed trying to compose himself holding onto his stomach.

"Ew, and yeah!" I shouted pulling a face of disgust before being rolled onto my back and pinned to the bed with my arms above my head.

"I believe I have some making up to do," he whispered in my ear as he released my hands, his lips making their way south down my body laying light kisses down the valley between my breasts and across my stomach, before stopping at my public bone where he inhaled a deep breath; a smile forming on his lips against my skin. My body was completely flushed and my heart hammered against my ribs - I was also pretty sure I could no longer feel my feet. Humming quietly against my skin, the vibrations seared through my body causing my body to jerk into his face and his chin grazing my most sensitive part.

"Ugh, fuck, Edward," I groaned at this new sensation. Gone were all my worries about doing this. I wanted it, hell, I needed it and soon.

"Hmm I think we have a bit of an eager beaver," he laughed, moving his face across my abdomen and kissing each hip bone in turn before moving slowly lower and brushing his nose against me

"Less talking about my beaver… more action against it…" I groaned, frustrated at his teasing and painfully slow progress. I felt his arm loop under my thigh as he lifted it from the bed. Letting out a puff of air against me, I nearly spontaneously combusted there and then. Either he had to get to it soon or he'd no longer have a girlfriend, just a pool of goo where she once lay. Slowly I felt his other hand part me and his tongue press lightly against me, causing my heart to skip a beat.

Gripping onto the sheets below me, I glanced down at his hair. Looking up slowly, he locked eyes with me not once removing his tongue from its ministrations on me. Dropping my head down on my pillow I began to lose myself in the sensation.

_"Edward Cullen is a freaking God!" _I cheered in my mind as I felt the, now familiar, feeling start to engulf me as his hand travelled up my thigh to join the party only for him to stop. Snapping my head up to see what the hell he was playing at I saw him staring at the window as a loud thud rattled against it.

"What the fuck?" I growled at the unwelcome interruption, pushing Edward away with my foot on his shoulder. Getting out of bed I winced at the pain I had forgotten about. Feeling like I had been fisted by 'King Kong' I made my way to the window and pulled it up with more force than necessary, before looking down to the front lawn.

* * *

"Stop throwing shit at my window! Fuck off and die!" I bellowed to Emmett who had piles of small stones and mud around his feet.

"Bella please!" he pleaded with his hands in the air in a sign of submission. "I need to talk to you. I've been trying to call all day but your phone keeps going straight to voice mail."

"Yeah for a very good reason. I turned it off," I shouted back. "Go home Emmett, I'm busy." I sighed closing the window and walked back to the bed suddenly realising that I had leaned out of the window without a top on and he would have had a good eyeful of my tits.

I looked at Edward who was sat on the edge of my bed with a wide grin on his face. "You just gave my cousin a good view," he laughed, opening his arms for me.

"You could have told me before I went to the window," I whined, sitting down in his lap and hiding my face in the crook of his neck.

"I tried but you were like something possessed!" he mumbled into my hair as his hand caressed my breast while his other squeezed my ass cheek. "Ignore him, he'll get bored soon enough," he murmured as he lifted me slightly to straddle him and placed kisses down my throat.

As another knock came from the window I was seriously considering going downstairs to rip Emmett's head off, but was abruptly stopped when I heard his melodious tones coming through the window.

_"I am Henry the Eighth I am,_

_Henry the Eighth I am , I am"_

"Ignore him…" I mumbled against Edwards lips as my hand travelled down between our bodies, finding his erection pressed up against my stomach

_"I got married to the widow next door,_

_She's been married seven times before,_

_And every one was a Henry,_

_She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam,_

_I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry_

_Henry the Eighth I am, I am_

_Second verse the same as the first"_

"I'm going to fucking kill him," Edward growled, lifting me off him and stomping to the window and flinging it open to reveal Emmett perched on the tree branch outside my room.

"Don't worry, I could quite easily rip him limb from limb right now and burn the pieces," I growled, sitting crossed legged on the bed. A full on sulk was most definitely on the horizon. "Fucking Herman's Hermits," I cursed under my breath.

Ever since we were children he had used the same song to irritate and annoy people into submission. Any normal, rational human being would get the message and leave, but not Emmett. In no way could he ever be described as normal or remotely rational.

"Dude! Please!" he shouted contorting his face and putting his hand out to cover Edward's erection from his view.

"Emmett what the hell do you want?" Edward hissed grabbing the plant pot from the shelf to cover himself.

_"A pansy…nice" _I thought smugly to myself noticing what he had chosen _"I suppose it's better than the cactus next to it. I wouldn't fancy explaining that one in the ER – especially with Carlisle on shift tonight. I don't think the excuse 'I fell on it' would work."_

"Emmett, do you have any idea what time it is?" I shouted out the window from my spot on the bed as I pulled Edwards old t-shirt over my head and walked towards him holding it down on my thighs, before pushing him out of the way and back into the room to cover up.

"Yeah, erm it's… ooo shit!...1:56am," he answered, nearly losing his balance while looking at his watch.

"Exactly! What the hell do you want? What if the neighbours call the police?" I hissed, trying to keep my voice down and diffuse the rage bubbling in my chest.

"I want to talk to you. Please Bells," he pleaded, edging down the branch towards the window. "Did you even read the letter I posted earlier?"

Realising that I at least owed him enough to read the letter (and fearing for his life), I relented and nodded my head backwards to indicate for him to climb through the window. Making a leap for the open window, he nearly missed and ended up with half his body in the room with his feet scraping against the side of the house. In what seemed like an instant, Edward was leaning out of the window and had grabbed hold of Emmett's belt to pull him into the room. Brushing himself off, he stood nose to nose with Edward who just glared at him. For the first time ever, Emmett actually looked intimidated by him.

"Dude you gotta brush your teeth…mouth wash…anything. You smell like the docks," he said waving his hand in front of his nose as he pushed past Edward and sat down in the rocking chair and put his head in his hands. Standing in place, Edward simply put his hand to his mouth and breathed in it before shooting me a shit eating grin and walking out to the bathroom, causing my body to erupt in a hot blush.

"Talk Emmett," I ordered, standing in front of him with my hands on my hips trying to retain my composure and fight the urge to run into my closet and hide.

"Bella…" he began looking up to me, his eyes brimming with tears causing my resolve to melt instantly. "I so sorry about last night and earlier today. I swear I never meant to hurt you. You're like a little sister to me. I just took it too far. I'm sorry…" he sighed looking down at the floor once more. "I just wanted to apologise. Did you read the letter?"

"No, I didn't sorry, I will if you want me to though. Emmett, you did take it too far but I don't agree with what Edward did to you," I said softly as I knelt in front of him talking his hand in my own and reaching towards his cut lip, only for him to pull away.

"Sorry Bells, I just know where those hands have been tonight," he half laughed scrunching his face. I swiftly put my hands behind his my back and leant back on my heels. "You can read it if you want."

"Fine," I sighed, padding over to my bedside table and retrieving the white envelope. Carefully opening it I removed the piece of paper inside and took a deep breath, before sitting back down on the floor unfolding it to read it.

_"I'm Sorry,_

_Em x"_

"It's not much but you know how crap I am at writing down feelings and mushy shit like that. That's why I wanted to say it to your face," he sighed looking up at the ceiling.

"Emmett, we're cool. Honestly. I know what you said to Edward before he flipped and, in no uncertain terms, I told him what a tool he was for reacting that way. I'm just pissed that this whole thing happened in the first place. I couldn't bear the thought of losing all of you. You're basically my family," I sighed, wishing that it could all be forgotten and that I could have my best friends back

"So what's happening with you and Rose with your foray into the world of cinematography?" I asked trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, that," he whispered, a smirk appearing on his lips. "Carlisle and Esme are making us landscape their garden before college. If we don't then they tell my parents and I'm sure to be kicked out and have my college funds withdrawn."

"Well that's not too bad."

"Have you _seen _the size of their fucking garden!" he exclaimed, looking at me and then immediately towards the door as Edward entered leaving a fresh smell of peppermint in his wake. "Dude, Edward I'm so sorry.""Whatever man, it's the past now," he smiled coolly as he sat down on the end of the bed and pulled me off the floor to sit on his lap.

"Huh?" Emmett stuttered with a look of confusion on his face, fully expecting melodramatic Edward to surface. "What? No hissy fit or anything?"

"Emmett just drop it. A lot has happened over the past few days and it's time to move on. I can't be doing with all the stress. It's not important," he said quietly looking towards me, my mouth agape as I stared at him.

"Ok, what's going on here? Where's Edward and what have you done wi…" Emmett began before jumping to his feet and waving his finger frantically between Edward and I. "You got laid! You finally did it!" he bellowed at the top of his voice, his face purple with glee.

"Ugh!" I moaned into Edwards shoulder thinking about the tirade of abuse that was sure to come our way with that little gem Emmett was now privy to.

"No, I've just come to the realisation of what's most important to me," Edward said calmly, not fooling Emmett for a minute. This was happening and there was no way of retracting anything.

"Dude," Emmett shouted, putting his fist out to bump with Edwards. "You are finally a man. I'm so proud of you," he patronised puffing out his chest and acting like a proud father at graduation. "And in the Police Chief's house with his daughter. You got some balls there my friend."

"Er hello! I am still here," I retorted, snapping my head up towards him. "Anyway, it's late and I'm tired. It's time you went home Emmett."

"Ok, ok, I get the message." He winked walking towards the door taking a sly glance back towards us. "Oh and we're all going out tomorrow night apparently. Orders from Rose and Alice. They want to make it up to you or something like that."

"Fine," I lamented, standing up and following Emmett to the door, knowing that I would have to face them all sooner rather than later.

"You know what they say… you can't choose your family and you can't kill them either," Edward laughed, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing the side of my neck.

"Dude! Please! At least wait until I'm out of the room," Emmett laughed scrunching his eyes closed and covering them with his hand.

"Night Emmett." I shouted, removing myself from Edwards grasp and trying to push him out of the door.

"Oh Emmett…" Edward called as the door was half closed. "Did Rose decide on a colour scheme for her room?" Met with a look of complete confusion on Emmett's face, we both collapsed into a fit of hysterics as I slammed the door shut and climbed back into bed.

"Now where were we?" Edward murmured against my skin as he crawled down my body lifting and my t-shirt over my head.

* * *

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	24. The Naked Chef

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 24 – The Naked Chef**

"Hmm," I sighed as the sun shone through the window soaking the room in a warm golden glow. I could hear the birds singing merrily outside as I stretched my body earning a rewarding crack from my elbows. Remembering last night, I rolled over to greet Edward but was met by a cold empty mattress instead. Pressing my face into the sheets I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face as his scent assaulted my brain. My mind flashed back to the previous hours when I'm sure half of what he did to me would be illegal in forty nine states.

Sighing, I peeled myself away from the bed, wrapped my bathrobe around me, and stumbled awkwardly out of the door and towards the bathroom.

"_Note to self : must sort out my gait. I can't be walking around like John Wayne missing his horse in front of Charlie...or anyone else for that matter"._

Entering the bathroom I turned the shower on as hot as possible and checked myself in the mirror. Peering through the mass of tangled hair with squinted eyes I inspected the reflection closely. Did I look any different - apart from the shit eating grin on my face of course? Is it actually possible for someone to know if you're no longer a virgin? Was there a barely visible 'V' on my forehead? Leaning closer to the mirror I rubbed my forehead. "Don't be such an idiot Bella," I scolded myself, rolling my eyes and trying to stifle a laugh as I climbed carefully into the shower got under the steaming water.

As I lathered myself as much as possible my hands moved down towards my legs and I froze. They felt raw, as though I'd been worked on with an electric sander. My eyes traced down my body and landed on some very red and angry looking inner thighs. "The bastard gave me stubble burn!" I gasped throwing my hand to my mouth and bending down to look at the damage. There it was clear as day, a prickly and red rash. One thing's for sure I wouldn't be wearing shorts out in public for a while.

"Oh, he's going to pay for that…" I mumbled to myself as I carefully got out of the shower, ensuring I didn't stretch too much. Making quick work of drying I wrapped myself in my robe, tied my hair in a messy bun and made my way to the stairs.

I could hear the clatter of pots and pans in the kitchen with some eighties rock playing. I descended the stairs as quietly as possible and peeked over the bannister to see what was going on, of course nearly breaking my neck in the process. Taking one step at a time slowly, the music got louder and Edward's voice could be heard over the music. _"Joan Jett? Seriously?"_ I thought as the last chords of 'I Love Rock And Roll' played out.

As I got closer to the kitchen the unmistakable Journey guitar riff began, bringing a smile to my lips. Charlie's favourite. I had so many memories of us listening to it in the car during summer break as he and my Mom sang along to it. Their song, the first song they danced to as a married couple all those years ago. Only my parents would have a song like that as their first dance. No soppy Diana Ross or anything like for them. From all accounts they were quite the spectacle dancing along to it in all their finery, Charlie even rocking out on an air guitar for the solo. It's just a shame he isn't so willing to talk about things like that anymore and all information about my parent's early relationship now comes from Esme.

The door was slightly ajar and I poked my head through, nearly choking on my tongue at the scene unfolding in front of my eyes.

"_Those crazy nights I do remember in my youth,_

_I do recall, those were the best times, most of all"_

Clad in only a pair of tight, white, boxer briefs and my favourite flowery apron, there was Edward singing along into a wooden spatula and wiggling his ass in time to the music, the tight muscles in his ass accentuated by the clinging white cloth. The temptation to rush into the room and bite one of his butt cheeks was overwhelming but I managed to control myself in order to enjoy the free show I was receiving.

"_In the heat with a blue jean girl,_

_Burnin' love comes once in a lifetime,_

_She found me singing by the rail-road track,_

_Took me home, we danced by moonlight..."_

As the song kicked in, complete with utensil microphone, he proceeded to move across the kitchen giving his best Freddie Mercury strut. Clasping my hand over my mouth to stop the giggles rising in my throat, I found myself leaning on the door frame for support. If only I had my camera, this would be priceless on You Tube.

"_Those summer nights are calling',_

_Stone in love,_

_Can't help myself, I'm fallin',_

_Stone in love"_

As he raised his arms in the air at the end of the chorus, singing at the top of his lungs I couldn't stop myself from creeping as fast as possible towards him and grabbing him from behind. Even stubbing my toe on the cupboard didn't attract his attention.

"You know, a whisk is usually better for a microphone." I laughed as I grabbed his waist with one hand as the other made the most of an ass groping opportunity. My hand fully appreciating the flesh that had me ogling him like a dirty old man at the park.

"Agh! Shit!" he shrieked, spinning around and throwing the spatula at my head,, before losing his balance and landing on his ass looking terrified. "What the fuck?" he exclaimed looking up at me holding his hand against his heart as I rubbed the side of my forehead which he managed to aim at perfectly.

"I was just going to compliment you on your dancing before you assaulted me with that." I laughed pointing at the spatula on the floor with one hand, and feeling around my head for a lump with the other. Like I really needed any more injuries or ailments this morning, I'd end up looking like Quasimodo or the Elephant Man.

"You nearly gave me a freaking heart attack!" he shouted, waving his hand towards me to help me pull him to his feet. Jumping upright he grabbed me by my waist, pulling me tight to his body spinning me around as the guitar solo kicked in.

"Put me down, you fruit!" I screamed, my legs flailing around as the room became a blur. Dropping me to my feet he kissed the tip of my nose before rushing back to the stove and stirring the eggs before they burned.

"You know, you really do scream like a little girl," I laughed walking over to him and wrapping my arms around his waist from behind, tucking them under the front of the apron and feeling the contours of his toned abdomen before hooking my fingers under the waistband of his boxers.

"Bella, please," he gulped trying to rescue the breakfast.

"Please what?" I whispered into his ear causing a low groan to escape from his throat.

"Seriously, it wouldn't be good to get wood this close to the stove and a naked flame," he said sternly as he pushed his butt towards me, moving me backwards and removing my hand which was placed firmly over the now prominent bulge in his underwear.

"Spoilsport," I pouted like a small child as he turned around to face me before jumping towards me and cursing.

"Shit! Damn bacon fat!" he hissed rubbing his back and twisting around to find the damage. "This is why you shouldn't distract me. Hot spitting fat, naked flames and a naked Edward don't generally mix well."

"Well you're technically not naked." I winked at him as I moved closer fiddling with the edge of the apron.

"Sit," he ordered pointing to the stool at the breakfast bar behind me.

* * *

Sitting and watching him finish cooking our breakfast I couldn't peel my eyes from his body. With every twist of his body I stared at his defined muscles moving under his smooth, soft skin. As he dropped a fork and bent over to pick it up my heart literally skipped a beat; bent down in front of me, ass in the air, legs slightly apart and his balls straining through the thin fabric. I shifted in my seat feeling the familiar sensation between my thighs and crossed my only to feel the burn from the irritated skin. No matter how much it hurt I didn't care. They always say there's a fine line between pleasure and pain.

What was wrong with me? All I could think about was ripping his clothes off – perhaps he could keep the apron on – and assaulting him on the cold tiled floor. It was like an addiction, the more I tried to think about something else the more I thought about him. Yeah, he is an addiction. I'm addicted to Edward Cullen. My personal form of heroin.

"_Thank God this robe is absorbent,"_ I thought looking down at the thick towel material, sure that if I was dressed in something more flimsy I'd be sliding around on the stool by now.

"_Ugh, he can shoot up with me…fuck, just shoot up me, over me, whatever…any time he wants." _I couldn't help but smirk thinking about my next 'Edward fix'.

"Quit staring Swan," he laughed, turning around holding two plates of steaming egg and bacon and walking over towards where I was sat - my gaze firmly fixed on his groin region.

"I wasn't staring, _Cullen,_" I retorted, shaking my head in an attempt to take my eyes off his body.

"_No, I wasn't staring. I was undressing you and molesting you in my mind."_

Pouring us a glass of orange juice each, he perched on the stool next to me. "I wanted to tell you about this hot chick I hooked up with last night," he said, taking a bite from his bacon.

"Oh, really?" I replied innocently, sipping from my glass. "What was she like?"

"Fan-fucking-tastic," he smirked back raising his eyebrows at me. "Did you get lucky last night?"

"Yeah," I sighed refusing to look at him.

"And…" he pressed, moving his head towards me breathing in my face. A combination of bacon, eggs and Edward's own scent. Staring at his lips and drinking in his smell I felt myself leaning towards him before abruptly snapping myself out of it and sitting up straight, looking him dead in the eye.

"Meh, he was ok. A little _limited_ if you know what I mean…" I replied dryly, wiggling my little finger at him. "Hung like a hamster…"

"Eat your food Swan!" he retorted, elbowing me in the side knocking my fork out of my hand before mumbling to himself.

"I'd rather eat you," I huffed picking it back up and stuffing some egg in my mouth.

"_Shit, fuck! Did I just say that out loud?"_ I panicked; feeling my face begin to burn and hearing Edward choke slightly next to me.

"What did you just say?" he asked astonished.

"Nothing, nice balls…erm, eggs," I mumbled feeling my brush intensify. _"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"_ I screamed inside at yet another slip. What the hell was wrong with me. When did I develop Tourette's? I turned my head away slightly to restrict Edward's view as he leaned towards me, his nose nearly touching my cheek.

"What was that Bella?" he asked. I could practically _hear_ the smirk on his face. He knew damn well what I had said but was toying with me.

"Nothing, just eat," I ordered turning to face him and pushing my palm against his nose and cheek to turn his head back away from me. Chuckling away to himself smugly, he continued eating shaking his head and glancing at me periodically.

We finished breakfast in awkward silence; although I have a feeling it was only awkward for me. Edward was positively basking in my verbal diarrhoea. As we sat at the counter not talking, I felt Edward shuffle closer before leaning his head on my shoulder and wrapping his arms around my waist. Dropping his head lower and leaning on my collarbone I heard a small laugh only to find his eye fixated on my chest.

"I spy boobies!" he joked, looking into my robe which had come loose and offered him a very good view of my chest. Moving his hand from the front of my waist he snaked it up my body and pulled the belt loose causing it to fall away from my body slightly but still gathered at my hips and covering me. He walked his fingers up the centre of my chest, before slipping his hand under the cotton and palming my breast whilst kissing my neck. Giving him more access, I dropped my head backwards and leaned – too far. In a split second the stool I was sitting on shifted forward and I felt myself going backwards, fast.

"Agh!" I screamed as I awaited the fractured skull I was sure to get from the floor. Edward's hands grabbed my shoulders as he jumped from his seat and pressed his weight under my back, bracing me and stopping me mid fall. Heart hammering, I grabbed onto his apron and looked up at his face. Leaning down over me he didn't look worried, he look amused with his mouth agape. "So much for the concerned boyfriend," I huffed trying to sit up before realising exactly why he had such an expression on his face. There I was, leaning back half on the stool, half on his body, robe and legs splayed open exposing everything I had to offer.

I felt my embarrassment start to envelope me before it was replaced by something else, anger. Not anger at Edward but at myself. Why did I have to get the defective klutz genes? Why did fate decided to humiliate me at every opportunity?

"I suppose you think that's fucking funny?" I said as I pulled on his body and struggled to sit upright, legs flailing in the air as I managed to find my centre of gravity and pulled my robe around my body tightly, tying the belt in a double knot.

"Aw come on Bells!" he whined. "You gotta admit it was mildly humorous…and kinda hot."

* * *

Before I had chance to reply, his lips attacked mine roughly as he pulled me against his body. His hands roamed down my back, before settling on my ass as he lifted me towards him to straddle his hips. As we explored each other's mouths I fisted my hands in his hair earning a guttural groan from his throat. I could feel his erection straining against his boxers and pressing against me. Without warning Edward, stood up and started walking with me clamped around his waist, his lips never once leaving mine.

I opened my eyes and saw that we were in the lounge. Dropping me on the couch carefully his hands continued their exploration underneath my robe as his weight settled on top of me.

"Ed-Edward…condom," I stammered as every nerve ending in my body fired and I was consumed with the need to have him inside me. Never before had I experienced such a primal urge. Sure I'd wanted Edwards contact before but nothing like this. This was something different. I had to have him, I _needed_ him.

Looking down at me his eyes were wide. "What? Here? Now?" he asked pointing to the couch we were on. Only nodding in response I was barely able to string a coherent thought together, never mind an intelligible sentence.

Without needing any more persuasion, Edward vaulted off my body and across the lounge, catching his foot on the coffee table and crashing to the floor. It looked like it hurt, badly, but right now that was obviously the least of his concerns as he sprang to his feet and hurtled up the stairs taking three at a time. In what seemed like a blink of an eye he was back reclaiming his spot between my legs and my lips with his own.

"God-dam double knot…" me mumbled as his hands failed epically on my belt. "Who do you think I am? Houdini?"

Batting his hands out of the way, I deftly untied the knot only to have my own hands removed as his found my stomach, holding onto my sides as he placed tender kisses across my neck and collarbone. I couldn't help myself as I writhed under his body, rubbing myself against him like a randy tom-cat.

"Jesus Bella, you're going to be the death of me," he gasped as looked into my eyes and his hand traced up my leg from my knee to my inner thigh. Every touch left a tingle in its wake until he got to the top of my leg where I took a sharp intake of breath. Noticing my reaction his movement stilled and he stared at me with a look of concern in his eyes.

"Are you sore?" he asked with a frown.

"No, it's ok. Not too much," I smiled trying to reassure him. I was telling the truth. I had some discomfort but nothing out of the ordinary – or so I was lead to believe. How was I supposed to know what 'normal' was? It certainly wasn't debilitating or as bad as I had expected. The only part that actually really hurt was the burn from his stubble. He lowered his head and looked between our bodies at my thighs. Feeling suddenly self-conscious at this inspection, and the fact that it appeared he didn't believe me, I grabbed his face in an attempt to divert his gaze somewhere further north.

"Bella!" He gasped. I was too late. "What the hell is that?" He looked shocked and hurt as I prepared myself for the self-loathing and mental beating he was about to give himself. "Did, did I do _that_ to you?" he asked leaning back on his feet and brushing his fingers against my flesh.

"It's nothing," I dismissed, grabbing his hand and trying to pull him back down towards me. "It's not what you think. You didn't hurt me. _You just need to shave,_" I replied rubbing his chin and emphasising the last part in an attempt to lighten the mood. Seeing that I was quite ok with it he visibly relaxed and leaned over me, kissing me softly on the lips.

"I was actually thinking of growing a full beard," he laughed rubbing his face against mine. Suddenly the image of him with a huge ginger beard popped into my mind, looking like Black-Beard the pirate gone rusty, causing me to giggle uncontrollably.

"Please, I beg you! Not a beard!" I laughed kissing his chin and scratching my fingers along the bristles on his cheeks. "Now where were we?"

"Do you want to do this? I mean, are you ready for this? You know after last night and all…" he asked warily "I just don't want to hurt you."

Grabbing his hand I pulled it down my body and placed it against me. "What do you think?" I asked, keeping my eyes locked on his as I released his hand and reached down to his boxers, pulling them down to his knees before he kicked off onto the floor.

Leaning back on his feet I gasped at the sight of his cock standing proud, eyes wide and fixed on his impressive appendage and my mouth slack, my brain turned to mush. "Hung like a hamster huh?" he laughed, taking in my expression as he rolled the condom into place. I was lost for words as I felt his weight on top of me once more and his tip pressed at my entrance.

"Bella, please, you've got to tell me…" he began as I fisted the back of his hair and crashed my mouth to his, my tongue exploring and drinking in his breath. Anyone would think he was the delicate woman in this relationship.

Taking this as his cue he slowly pushed into me, my breath catching in my throat at the intrusion. His lips never left mine as he continued his slow entrance. I knew he was going purposely slow for my sake but I just wanted him to get there. My hands travelled down his back and rested on his ass. Holding firmly, I lifted my hips and pushed him against me hoping he would take the hint and get going. All anxiety from last time had completely evaporated. Now that we had got the first time over with I wanted to find out what it was about and start enjoying it. Feeling the pressure he relented and pushed in quickly until our pubic bones touched. He stopped, allowing me to get used to him and the feeling of him filling me completely and stretching only made me want him more.

"Fuck, Bella…" he growled into my neck before starting with slow deep thrusts. I was going to enjoy this one. No need to think of anything else, this was going to be about my body and not my mind.

His pace picked up and every thrust was accompanied by a grunt in my ear as his mouth travelled from my lips to my ear lobe and down to my neck. Bodies slick with sweat, I could feel my orgasm building with the friction of his pubic bone rubbing against me and I needed him deeper. Hitching my legs over his hips created a shift in our position which caused him to hit a new spot inside me.

"Ugh Edward…" I moaned as my lips attached to his neck, nibbling and sucking on his soft flesh.

"Bella, I want you to…" he gasped, looking up to my eyes through his sweaty fringe. I could tell he was close. His hand slid down between our bodies as his fingers began rubbing small, quick circles. The sensation of his thrusts and hand combined was electric. It was as though he set off a chain reaction in my body and I was, undoubtedly, beyond help. I felt my body tense before I was engulfed in the hardest orgasm of my life.

"Ungh! Fuck!" I moaned as I felt the full force, Edward not slowing down as I was lost in the sensation.

"Bella," he moaned through gritted teeth as I came down from my high and felt him release inside me. Slowing down he collapsed on my chest, both of us gasping for air.

"You know, I'm never going to able to sit on this couch the same way again," he whispered. "How can I sit here watching TV with Charlie knowing what I have done to his daughter on it?"

"Maybe we can try it in his chair later?" I giggled looking over at Charlie's recliner.

"Dirty Bella!" he scolded playfully as he sat up pulling me into his lap. "That reminds me, we're going to mine later. I need clean clothes," he said kissing the tip of my nose as I snuggled into his chest.

"Way to kill my buzz Edward," I moaned, thinking about the inquisition and ass kissing I was going to have to endure.

* * *

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	25. Wet 'n Wild

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 25 – Wet 'n Wild**

"Bella! Will you get in the God-damn car?" Edward shouted from outside leaning out of the driver's window. As I peeked out of the window, I could see him fidgeting in the seat and drumming his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently.

The last place I wanted to be today was at the Cullen's having to face everyone. Alice would be doing her best to make it up to me, and I know Esme or Carlisle would want to talk to us. Actually it wouldn't be 'either' of them, they'd probably tag team us.

Trying to stall for as long as possible and knowing how much I was irritating Edward, I stalked across the lounge to tidy the couch cushions. If he was insisting on making my life difficult I would inflict as much irritation as possible on him. Looking at the crime scene I couldn't stop the smile on my lips. My eyes roamed the plush and well-worn furniture, as my hands brushed along the fabric.

"_If only Charlie knew." _

I laughed to myself before trying to dispel the horrifying thought of him actually knowing. Scrunching my nose and shaking my head, I turned on my heels and grabbed my bag before heading to the door.

The car horn sounded again and I could see Edward in the driver's seat holding his hands up in a 'what the fuck are you up to' gesture. _"One more honk and he'll be singing fucking soprano,"_ I threatened silently as I glared at him standing with my hands on my hips. Noticing the death glare I was receiving in response, I decided I'd done enough pissing him off, for now, and stomped down the steps refusing to look at him and climbed silently into the car.

"About time," Edward grumbled as I slumped in the seat with my arms crossed looking straight ahead and ignoring him. "Belt up," he ordered glancing in my direction and turning the key in the ignition.

"I didn't say anything!" I snapped looking across at him.

"Belt up," he repeated pointing to my seat belt. Realising what he meant, I grabbed the belt and dramatically pulled it across me making a point of clicking it as he put the car in reverse and pulled out of the driveway. "What the hell's crawled up your butt?" he asked as I sat looking out of the window as the street turned into a blur of trees.

"Nothing," I mumbled, not averting my gaze and playing with the hem of my jacket.

"Yeah looks like it," he sighed, reaching his hand over towards me and resting it on my knee. As soon as his hand touched my knee I lifted my feet and rested them on the dashboard in front of him. Without even looking at his face I knew what his reaction would be. God forbid some dirt got on his precious car. Sitting like a petulant toddler in the front seat I could feel his irritation radiating from him and felt oddly smug. Leaning forward I turned the stereo on and some god awful rap music reverberated around the car, yet another thing to piss him off.

"Bella, what the fuck is wrong?" he shouted, eyeing up my dirty converse that were defiling his dash, before turning the stereo off and plunging the car into silence once more.

"I just don't see why I have to go with you," I whined crossing my arms tighter and dropping my chin to my chest.

"I swear, you can be such a child sometimes," he admonished, shaking his head as I brushed his hand off my thigh.

"Well if I'm a child what does that make you!" I retorted. "Got your popsicles and trench coat?"

Sighing and shaking his head at my attitude he concentrated on the road once more. "Whatever Swan. When you're done sulking let me know."

"Why exactly are you dragging me to yours when you're just picking up a change of clothes? I have a tonne of laundry to do you know, as well as disinfecting the sofa," I moaned, before turning in my seat and glaring at him. "I don't sulk! Anyway you're a fine one to talk."

"Whatever," he laughed turning the music on once more as Michael Bublé came warbling through the speakers.

"Great, this journey just got even better," I griped quietly as Edward turned his head to look at me with a smirk on his face.

"_Fucking Bublé…a prime candidate for active euthanasia."_

"Bella I just don't see what your problem is. You were the one telling me how I shouldn't lose my family, yet you're the one refusing to see them," he said taking his eyes off the road and looking straight at me. "I don't know why you're being such a bitch right now."

"Oh, I'm a bitch now am I?" I shouted over the music, or what could be loosely classified as music, which was assaulting my ears. "Stop the car, I'm not going any further. I'm going home."

Unbuckling my belt and reaching for the door handle Edward quickly pulled over to the side of the road muttering under his breath.

"And how do you expect to get home? It's over two miles and we're nearly at mine. I'm not turning around," he said, turning in his seat slightly.

"I'll walk," I retorted, stepping out of the car, slamming the door and standing staring at him with my arms crossed. Fully expecting him to reason with me and tell me to get back in the car, I couldn't believe my eyes when he suddenly pulled away and sped down the road leaving me standing alone on the deserted road.

"Edward!" I shouted at the car in the distance to no avail just as the sky announced its presence with a deafening clap of thunder and the heavens opened. "Oh just fucking great!" I groaned, pulling my hood up and stuffing my hands in my pockets and the rain lashed down. Had he seriously just done that? Why did I have to be such a prick?

Trudging down the road I kept my head down in a vain attempt to keep the rain out of my face. My shoes squeaked with each step as they became waterlogged and my hoodie was soaked through.

"Fucking Forks with its shitty weather," I cursed under my breath as the sky lit up with a flash of lightning and the rain came down impossibly harder. My surroundings became darker as the storm clouds obscured the light, and the only sounds were the heavy raindrops hitting the leaves and ground. In my tantrum I'd left my bag in the car meaning no mp3 player or phone so I had nothing to entertain myself with on the undoubtedly long walk home.

* * *

Quickening my pace, I kept my eyes trained on the ground as I watched bubbles come out of the stitching in my shoes. As I was contemplating how bad my pneumonia was going to be, a car sped past hitting a dirty puddle next to me and splattering my sodden jeans with mud.

"Fucking idiot!" I screamed, looking up to see a familiar silver vehicle pull in just ahead of me. Keeping my pace I continued on my route; fully intending to ignore the occupant.

"Bella, get in," Edward shouted to me through the open window as I passed by. Ignoring him, I kept my chin down so my face was covered by my hood and carried on walking. "Bella, will you just get in the car?" he shouted again as he drove beside me slowly.

"Fuck off!" I shouted, glaring at him through the window ensuring I kept my steps steady, praying that I wouldn't fall into a pothole or puddle. "I'm going home and I suggest you do the same thing."

"You're going the wrong way," he laughed stopping the car.

Looking around I realised my mistake and felt thoroughly stupid. Not only had I gotten myself in this ridiculous situation, but after all the bitching and moaning about not wanting to go, I was actually walking there. Sighing loudly, I turned on my heels and proceeded to retrace my steps and walk back the way I came, cursing myself and my screwed up sense of direction. It really was no surprise considering I had Search and Rescue collect me from an orienteering excursion in tenth grade during a class trip. Who knew it could take me eight hours to walk a three mile course?

"Bella, please just get in the car. You'll catch your death out here," Edward shouted running up behind me and standing in my path to prevent me going any further. His hair was plastered to his head, and his thin pale blue shirt had soaked through. Almost instinctively my eyes were drawn to his chest where the contours could be seen perfectly and his nipples looked hard enough to cut glass. Fighting the urge to lick them, I tried to side step him only to be held back by him putting his hands on my shoulders. I had long forgotten about being pissed at him for making me go to the Cullen's. I just felt childish and stupid for letting it get to this. What started as a ploy just to irritate him had got completely out of hand and now I was standing in the ass-end of nowhere soaking wet with Edward _really_ annoyed at me.

"I'm sorry," I muttered as I stepped towards him and leaned against his chest. His arms moved from my shoulders and dropped to his side. What more could I expect though after the way I had just treated him? "I didn't mean for it to end up like this."

"So are you going to tell me what all this is about?" he asked tilting my chin with his hand brushing my wet hair away from my face. Looking into my eyes with a frown, I knew he deserved an explanation for my childish and irrational behaviour.

"I just didn't want to go to yours and face everyone. I didn't mean for it to become serious. I didn't want us to fight, I just wanted to irritate you," I sighed looking down and playing with a button on his shirt.

"Well you certainly achieved that," he chuckled wrapping his arms around me and pulling me tight against his body.

"I can't believe you actually drove off!" I laughed looking up at him once more pulling on his collar.

"Well you told me to," he shrugged before pressing his lips to mine.

"Yeah good point," I mumbled into his mouth as I pulled on his shirt harder to deepen the kiss. The rain was lashing down around us but I couldn't care less. Surely it would be impossible to get hypothermia whilst feeling so hot and bothered - even in this weather?

Pulling me tighter to his body, his hands travelled down to my ass lifting me up. Wrapping my legs around his waist I was vaguely aware of him walking down the road towards his car where he set me down on the hood, his lips never leaving mine. Settling between my legs with the rain pounding down on us nothing else mattered, bodies slick with water, my hands found the back of Edwards soaked hair and pulled slightly earning a moan from him.

My hands moved down his back and found his belt. Moving around to his front I hastily began unbuckling it with shaky hands. Whether the shakes were from the cold or adrenaline was inconsequential.

"Bella, we can't, not here," he gasped as I conquered the buckle and set my sights on conquering something else entirely. Looking into my eyes through the hair matted to his forehead, I could see he wanted it just as much as I did. As far as I was concerned a tsunami couldn't stop me right now.

"We're in the middle of nowhere," I mumbled into his neck as I released him from the confines of his jeans and boxers. "This place is dead, nobody will come by."

"Mm hmm," he mumbled with his hands firmly on my ass pulling me closer as my hand found his cock. That was all the encouragement I needed and I'm sure he needed none whatsoever. As his hands found the button on my jeans I suddenly realised the implications of my choice of wardrobe. There would be no subtle way of doing this on the hood of the car without an unsuspecting passerby realising instantly what was happening.

"_Why didn't I wear a skirt today?"_ I cursed myself.

"Not out here," I hissed as his hand wandered under the elastic of my underwear. Pushing him backwards, I jumped down and opened the passenger door before pushing him inside. Leaning into the car I kissed him furiously as my hands worked on my tight, wet jeans as I clumsily pulled them down my legs and kicked them off. Throwing them onto the back seat and climbing in after him I straddled his hips.

"Jesus Bella!" he exclaimed as my hand found its way into his boxers once more as the other groped around for the seat control to recline it more. "What's gotten into you?" he growled as the seat went backwards and his hands gripped my ass cheeks, surely leaving marks from his fingers. "Fuck it, I don't care."

Pulling his clothing down his thighs I wriggled out of my underwear and rested back down on his legs feeling his dick pressing against me, causing a thrill of excitement to course through my veins. Edward had always had a dramatic effect on my body but this was something entirely new. The thought of having him in his car was always something of fantasy but during a thunderstorm on a deserted road was surely to go down as legend.

"You know sex in public is illegal?" Edward mumbled against my collarbone as I ground myself against him.

"Tell someone who gives a fuck," I growled back, catching his earlobe between my teeth.

"And the Chief's daughter above all people!" he laughed before his lips caught mine once more and he lifted me up slightly. As I felt his tip pressing against me my heart began to hammer and stupid insecure Bella reared its ugly head once more. Realising that we'd never done it this way before I began to worry.

"Ed-Edward…" I stuttered pressing my forehead against his. "I don't…"

Knowing exactly what I was getting at, he gripped my hips and guided me down over him, my breath catching in my throat as I felt him fill me. Groaning in unison our foreheads remained pressed against each other. Staring into his eyes and tasting his breath I remained still. As frantic as we were a few moments ago I just wanted a few seconds to experience this. With our bodies pressed flush against each other I could feel his heart beat against my chest, his breath just as ragged as mine. Yeah, this might have all been be very new to us but I had a feeling that no matter how many times we do it, I would always have this reaction.

His hands held my hips firmly as he began moving me at a slow rhythmic pace. With my fingers tangled in the back of his hair and our foreheads firmly together, our lips were millimetres apart with only the faintest of contact as we exchanged light kisses. Grinding myself into his hips, I quickened the pace and Edward began thrusting upwards meeting me. Feeling my orgasm building I leaned back slightly causing him to hit just the right place. Biting on my bottom lip I suppressed a loud moan as I gripped his shirt and my nails dug into his chest.

"If this is what making up is like I'm going to piss you off more often," I joked through uneven breaths.

"Oh shit!" Edward shouted as I felt myself being pushed upwards and away from him at force without warning. As I left his body my head came into contact with the roof of the car, causing me to scream out in pain and see flashing lights in front of my eyes.

* * *

"Agh! What the fuck!" I shrieked rubbing my head and sitting on his thighs, as he twisted in the seat scrabbling around for something on the back seat in a panic.

"Look!" he hissed pointing out through the fogged up window. Wiping the condensation away I could make out a car coming towards us, not just any car - a police cruiser.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…" I cursed, realising it was only a matter of seconds until the cruiser would be with us.

"Here, sit down," Edward ordered pulling me into his lap and wrapping his old picnic blanket around us to protect our modesty just as the cruiser pulled up beside. As I wiped my hair out of my eyes and tried to control my breathing and heart rate there was a knock on the window. Letting out a deep sigh, Edward pressed the button and the window opened on the driver's side. The window seemed to take forever to open, revealing the identity of the person standing outside gradually. Relief swept over me as I saw the name tag, it wasn't Swan. Thank the Lord for small mercies.

"Hey kids" the deputy greeted as he leaned on the door and took a furtive glance around the inside of the car before noticing me. "Oh hey Bells, Edward," he said enthusiastically as he recognised us.

"Hey Peter," I greeted back trying to be a flippant as possible with a smile plastered across my face. Edward simply nodded towards him whilst increasing his grasp on my waist and pulling the blanket around us more securely.

"You ok?" he asked suspiciously taking in our appearance as we huddled under a blanket in a steamy car, soaking wet.

"Oh, erm yeah," I stammered trying desperately to think of an excuse and glaring wide-eyed at Edward.

"We had a flat. Got a bit wet changing it. Just trying to warm Bella up a bit before setting off home," Edward explained coolly.

"_Yeah, warming me up. That's one way to put it."_ I giggled to myself as I wriggled slightly in his lap causing a low moan to escape from his chest. Shooting daggers at me, Edward gripped me even tighter so I couldn't move any more, even if I wanted to which I certainly didn't. This was definitely something I didn't want to have to explain to Charlie down at the station.

"_Yeah Dad, I got caught by your colleague humping Edward in his car on a public highway. Now about that bail money…" _

"Ok, well if you're sure you're alright," Peter smiled pushing away from the door. "Listen, this isn't the best place to be alone, especially during a storm. I'm off home to check on the wife, get yourselves home as soon as possible."

"Oh yeah, how is Charlotte?" Edward asked "When's she due?"

Leaning back into the car Peter's face broke out into a huge grin. "She's actually due tomorrow, that's why I'm going home early today. I want to be there just in case."

"You must be really excited," Edward enthused continuing a conversation I'd rather be taking place at an entirely different time. Here I was completely naked from the waist down sitting on my boyfriend's dick as he chatted to the town's law enforcement, my father's friend, about pregnancy and birth. Only in the 'World of Bella' could this happen. The universe really must get a cheap thrill from making things as difficult and awkward as possible for me.

Shifting my weight and nudging Edward subtly I exaggerated a shiver which didn't go unnoticed by Peter. "Right, well you need to get home and warm up. You'll catch your death out here," he said leaning forward to shake Edwards hand and returning to his cruiser.

Waiting for the car to disappear out of view before moving I leaned into the back seat and retrieved my jeans before getting off Edwards lap so he could scoot into the driver's seat.

"You just had to keep him talking didn't you?" I scolded as I struggled to pull my jeans up.

"It's called being polite," he replied before putting the car in gear and setting off down the road.

As we pulled up to the house I could barely see anything through the rain pounding down. I could vaguely make out the shapes of Rose and Emmett under the front porch. He was doing some sort of dance and she looked thoroughly unimpressed. I noticed Carlisle and Esme's cars parked in the garage and figured that a quick entrance into the house was the best plan of attack. Just bolt up the stairs and into the relative safety of Edward's room.

"Ready?" Edward asked looking over towards me before his eyes darted towards the house.

"Yep!" I replied before jumping out the car and running towards the building. Even with my head start I was no match for Edwards speed. He caught up with me almost instantly, grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the house. Taking the front steps in two strides we flew past Rose and Emmett and were inside before either had chance to comment on our appearance.

"Edward? Is that you?" Esme called from the kitchen as we ran up the stairs leaving wet footprints on the polished wooden floor. "Shoes off!" she shouted up the stairs as we disappeared from view. As I slammed his bedroom door I could hear her muttering about the state of the floor and made a mental note to apologise to her at a later date.

"Do you mind if I have a bath?" I asked walkingover to the en-suite as Edward was rummaging through his closet for some dry clothes. I was now feeling the full effect of being out in the rain and couldn't stop shivering.

"Of course I don't. You know where everything is," he replied not turning around and sniffing an article of clothing to check it was clean. Every part of me was hoping it wasn't underwear.

Closing the bathroom door I pulled off my jeans feeling instant relief. Wet denim isn't exactly comfortable and it was starting to chafe on my thighs where Edward had left his mark with his stubble. Waiting for the bath to fill I checked myself in the mirror and couldn't stifle a giggle. Hair matted to my head and sticking out at all angles, some wet and some dry. I really did look a state.

"I look well and truly fucked," I mused out loud. Making a mental note to ensure that Edward finished what we'd started I climbed into the bath and slumped down into the hot water full of bubbles. Lost in my own little world I was unaware of the door opening.

"Budge up," Edward said, startling me as he stood next to the tub completely naked. His body already wet from the rain and his hair tousled to within an inch of its life.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack!" I shouted, my hands flying up to my chest. "Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to just come in when someone's having a bath?"

"Aw come on Bella," he pouted. "I'm cold. Let me warm up with you."

"Yeah, I can see you're cold. Very cold by the looks of it," I giggled staring at his crotch.

"Yeah funny," he huffed holding his manhood in his hands and giving it a very subtle tug which didn't go unnoticed. "Move up," he ordered as he climbed into the bath behind me.

Leaning back on his chest I closed my eyes and relaxed. We could have been lying like this for hours or minutes, I had no idea. It was just comfortable, Edward placed light kisses on my shoulders as his hands rested on my stomach.

As his lips were next to my ear he let out a devilish chuckle before I felt bubbles travel up my back.

"You dirty bastard!" I screamed realising exactly what he'd just done.

"What?" he asked innocently with a huge grin on his face.

"You just farted and it bubbled up my back!" I scolded trying to keep a straight face. As disgusting as it was I couldn't help but find it funny. "You really are horrid, Cullen" I stated as I got out of the water and wrapped myself in a big towel.

"Oh like you don't fart Swan!" he laughed, letting another rip and watching as the bubbles broke the surface. "I've lost track the amount of times you've let rip on my leg during your sleep!"

"Whatever," I dismissed, stomping out of the room feeling like my face was on fire. As I got into the room I noticed a piece of paper next to the door on the floor. Bending over I unfolded it and read the note.

"What's that?" Edward asked peeking over my shoulder with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"It's from your father. He wants us to meet him in his study for a talk," I sighed handing the note to Edward. Rolling his eyes he simply scrunched the note up and threw it on the floor before throwing a dry set of track pants and shirt at me and quickly putting on some clothes himself.

"What?" I asked confused as to what he was doing and why he was in such a rush.

"Get dressed. We're going back to yours," he said pulling his t shirt over his head. "I can't be bothered with one of his 'talks' right now. There's plenty of time for that and your house is empty for another few hours." Without needing to hear any more I quickly got dressed and pulled my hair up into a messy ponytail.

"Ready?" he asked as we stood at the door preparing to run the gauntlet to the car. It would be a miracle if we got out without encountering at least one Cullen on the way.

"Ready," I confirmed as he grabbed my hand and we bolted down the stairs and towards the front door. Running past Rose I exchanged a flying greeting. She was shouting something about where we were all going tonight but I didn't care. Hearing a time I simply repeated it.

"Yeah, 8:30pm. Fine".

As we jumped in the car and Edward sped off down the driveway adrenaline was pumping through my veins. I felt as though we'd pulled off the great train robbery or something. Hell, is was more impressive than that. We'd escaped 'Cullen-atraz' without being apprehended by Carlisle.

"We're like Bonny and Clyde," I laughed as we headed down the road, past the scene of our indiscretion, and towards home.

* * *

**Please hit that little link down there and let me know what you think ;) **


	26. I Fell on It

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 26 – I Fell On It**

Jumping out of the car before Edward had even had time to put it in park, I couldn't wait to get him behind closed doors and finish what we had started earlier. My thought processes were limited to what I was going to do with him once out of the public gaze and nothing else entered my consciousness. Slamming the car door behind me I could hear Edward groan at my blatant disregard for his motor but I would make it up to him later.

Halfway to the door I turned around expecting Edward to be hot on my heels but instead he was still sitting in the car fiddling with his stereo, undoubtedly removing the rock station I had added a few days ago.

"What the fuck is he doing?" I cursed under my breath, frustrated at his dawdling at such a time. There are times when arranging your music is acceptable and this was most certainly not it. Hopping between feet I tried to attract his attention by waving my hands.

"_If he doesn't get a move on I'm going to have to start by myself,"_ I thought as he caught my eye and smiled before taking his time climbing out of the driver's seat and making sure the alarm was on and all doors were locked.

"Sorry were you waiting for me?" he asked with a smirk on his face.

"Oh no, not much!" I replied, spinning on my heels and heading towards the house once more, only to trip on my own feet and see the front steps coming towards my face. Throwing my hands out in front and closing my eyes I prepared myself for the impact

"_Please Lord, don't let me lose any teeth." _

I prayed as my knees hit the dirt and I felt a tug at Edwards's oversized hoodie I was wearing. Opening my eyes, I could see the steps mere inches from my mouth and struggled to breathe with the fabric pulled so tight around my throat. Edward's arms wrapped around my ribs as he pulled me up and turned me around to face him.

"You really are starting to make a habit of this," he laughed, poking my nose playfully with his finger.

"What can I say? I just have a thing for heroes," I laughed, placing a soft kiss on his lips before turning around and pulling him behind me as I carefully climbed the stairs to the front door.

"_Hmm heroes,"_ I mused as I looked for my key. _"Edward dressed as a fire fighter, Edward dressed as a doctor…ew, no that would make me think of Carlisle. Edward dressed as a police man…ew, no that would make me think of Charlie…much much worse! Hmm, Edward as a commando. Scrap that…just Edward going commando."_

After finally finding my key, I unlocked the door and flung it open marching quickly through it still with a firm grasp on Edward and slammed it shut behind us. Spinning to face him I pressed my body against his and ran my hands down his back to his ass earning a groan from him. My hands continued their journey around his jeans until they found his belt. Making surprising quick work of the belt and zipper, I pulled his jeans and boxers down in one smooth motion taking Edward off guard causing him to audibly gasp.

"What?" I asked innocently as I eyed him up only wearing a t shirt with his pants gathered around his ankles.

"What? You just de-bagged me Isabella," he said with mock hurt as he grabbed me by the arms and spun us around so I was now pinned against the door. His lips pressed against my neck as if he was feeling my pulse that thundered just below the surface, while his hand travelled under my hoodie to find my naked breasts. "No bra Bella?" he asked in a gruff voice as he realised my state of dress.

"Nope, no underwear either," I laughed as I pulled it over my head before my hand found his cock and began its job. I felt him play with the elastic on the pair of his track pants I was wearing and yank them down my legs forcefully. Kicking my shoes off and hopping out of them, I flung them down the hallway. His hands ran up the back of my thighs and grabbed hold of my ass. I needed to be closer to him and jumped into his body wrapping my legs around his waist whilst attacking his mouth with my own.

The impact of my body against his made him lose balance slightly and stumble with his legs wrapped in his jeans, causing his back to slam against the door. Letting out a loud scream he dropped me to the floor where I landed in a heap. I looked up ready to bitch the life out of him for doing it when I saw his face contorted and red with pain.

Scrabbling to my feet I held is face to look at me. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and he looked in genuine agony. "Sorry, did you hurt your back on the door?" I asked, my voice thick with worry as I turned him around to check for damage. As he turned he fell to his knees like a rock, the wind completely knocked out of him. Lying on the floor in a foetal position I knelt next to him shaking him in panic.

"Edward! Please you've got to tell me what's wrong! Is it your back? Heart attack? What?" I screamed as my hands pawed over his body looking for evidence of injury.

"M-my ass," he whispered in a broken and strained voice.

"What about your ass?" I asked, leaning over his body to see what he was talking about. There seemed to be nothing wrong with it. His hand tentatively moved around to it as his shaking fingers disappeared between his cheeks. "Edward what the fuck is wrong?" I shouted in complete confusion as to what he was doing.

"The fucking door knob," he hissed letting his hand fall behind him and rest on the floor.

"The door knob?" I asked, still completely dumbfounded.

"Yes. The. Door. Knob!" He shouted back. Glancing between the crumpled mass of flesh on the floor and the brass fixture on the door it suddenly dawned on me what had actually happened.

"The-the-the…" I began, unsure of how to phrase the question. "The door knob went into your ass?" I asked trying to keep my voice steady and stifle the all inappropriate giggle threatening to leave my throat.

"Yeah, can you look to see what I've done?" he asked, looking up at me with red eyes looking terrified.

"You want me to look in your ass?" I replied hoping I'd heard him wrong. As close as he was to me there surely had to be a line drawn somewhere and this was most probably it.

"Please Bella," he pleaded. "It really fucking hurts and I'm worried."

There was no way I could refuse him. After all he could be seriously injured. "I hope you wiped yourself properly last time you took a dump," I joked trying to lighten things slightly.

Shuffling around his body on my hands and knees, I positioned myself in front of his backside and tilted my head unable to see any damage. I could hear Edwards muffled pleas and I knew I just had to suck it up and get it over with and then pray that some sort of brain bleach was invented in the near future. Shuffling closer and leaning down, I slowly moved my hands and placed them gently on each cheek. Taking a deep breath, I gently spread them and bent down further to get a better look.

"_Oh my God! I'm peering into my boyfriend's butt hole!"_

My brain screamed as I looked carefully for any damage. Not that I'd ever given this part of his anatomy much thought, I never expected quite so much hair. Sure, he had a bit of downy fluff on his cheeks but this was like the damn Amazon. I could make out a small patch of blood as I moved away from him and sat up.

"Well?" he asked turning slightly to look at me.

"Nothing, but I think you should get checked out just in case," I replied, intentionally omitting the bit about the blood. If I told him that he would just freak out and probably do himself further injury.

"Oh God!" He groaned, letting his head fall backwards as I pulled my hoodie back on and ran to grab a pair of jeans from the laundry. Racing back to him I pulled his shoes and jeans off before helping him to his feet amidst a flurry of colourful language.

"And you said I was the clumsy one," I joked pulling the track bottoms I had on earlier up his legs thinking they'd be the most comfortable thing to wear.

"Very funny Swan," he laughed quietly and wincing as we began our way to the car.

Opening the car door I pushed the passenger seat back and looked at the seat, before running back inside shouting for Edward to just wait where he was. Rummaging around in the spare room I located my prize and proceeded to blow it up as I ran back outside to Edward who was leaning on the car with his head down. Upon hearing my approaching footsteps he lifted his head and shot me a strange look as I came towards him with an inflatable ring in my mouth.

"What the fuck is that?" he asked as I threw it on the seat and pointed for him to get in.

"It's Charlie's haemorrhoids ring," I replied nonchalantly as I climbed in the driver's side and started the ignition.

"I don't want to know," he sighed, obviously trying to keep as much weight of his ass as possible.

"Well it seemed to help him. It removes all pressure from…that area" I explained, waving my finger vaguely around his crotch to indicate his anus.

"I said I didn't want to know!" he laughed as we sped down the road to the hospital.

* * *

Pulling up in front of the Emergency Department, Edward put his hand to the side of his face in a vain attempt to avoid someone recognising him. Shaking my head I jumped out of the car and opened his door, holding my arm out to assist him. Search through the glove compartment Edward finally found his favourite pair of wayfarers and put them on, before slowly swinging his legs around and holding onto me as he climbed out of the car, wincing and groaning in pain as he tried to straighten up to walk into the building.

We managed to get in the building with difficulty. As much as I tried to support Edward I was really no use. How could I help him when he was nearly a foot taller than me? The most use came from him using my head as an elbow rest. My relief at seeing no queue for reception was short lived as I glanced towards the waiting area to see half of the Forks population there. We would be in for a long wait, but at least I had the comfortable option of sitting down. I could see Edward peering around the room over his glasses.

"Nobody gives a fuck that you're here," I whispered to him "And unless you want to tell them all that you got a door knob rammed up your ass whilst trying to fuck me I really don't think they'll care."

"Next," a middle aged buxom woman called from the counter as we made our way over. Looking us up and down, she let out a puff of air which smelt of a combination of mint and cigarettes. The fan behind her caught her hair and blew the most pungent smell of perfume towards us I have ever had invade my nostrils, causing my voice to catch in my throat.

"Name?" she asked in a monotone voice eyeing up Edward who was avoiding her gaze at all costs.

"Edward Cullen," I responded after he wouldn't speak, noticing that the receptionist was very low on patience and people skills at this very moment.

"Address?" she asked as she tapped away on the computer.

"5146 Mount View Drive," I replied causing her to look up over her thick rimmed glasses at Edward who was shuffling his feet and staring at the floor.

"Edward Cullen as is Dr Cullen's son?"

"Yes," he mumbled almost inaudibly not lifting his head.

"So how can we help you today?" Her tone had suddenly changed and she seemed interested in the most recent admission. "You know, as soon as I heard the name I wondered. You bear a striking resemblance to your father."

"Brown nosing bitch," I mumbled under my breath.

"I've had an accident and I need to see a doctor," Edward replied taking his glasses off and looking directly at the woman.

"And the nature of your accident?" she asked, raising her eyebrow and taking in the way he was standing.

"I will not divulge the nature of my accident as it is a purely clinical, not clerical matter." His voice was full of authority which caught her off guard and stopped her in her tracks. I was sure she was hoping for all the juicy details to pass onto all her old cronies during her next coffee break.

"Fine, well your father is due on shift shortly. You shouldn't have to wait long." She smiled as we took our place in the waiting room.

It felt like we'd been waiting for an eternity surrounded by people coughing and sneezing.

"_Great, he'll get his ass fixed and I'll end up with the plague. I'll probably end up in an iron lung and the closest we'll ever get to nookie will be some sort of weird phone sex through glass."_

I looked around at all the infected people just waiting to pass on their germs. Edward just stood next to me reading some sort of magazine about gardening. The only bush trimming I'll be advising for him in the future will be the ass, crack and sack variety.

"Edward Cullen?" A male voice called from the doorway.

"Do you want me to come in?" I asked, looking up to Edward unsure as to whether he'd want me to witness whatever they were going to do to him.

"Please," he replied, holding my hand and pulling me from my seat as we followed the male nurse to a side ward where Edward was ordered to strip and put on a hospital gown. "How do they know I need to strip? I could just have a damaged finger for all they know," he whined as I helped into the very fetching piece of hospital attire.

"At least it's open at the back and gives easy access to your butt," I joked, knotting the final tie around his back.

"Great. Well that's good to know," he sighed leaning forward and resting his forearms on the gurney.

"Edward, what's happened?" A familiar voice called from the doorway causing him to groan and rest his head on his arms. "I heard you were here from 'Jabba the Hutt' at reception."

"I had an accident," he mumbled as Carlisle walked into the room and stood next to me eyeing up his son from behind.

"What sort of accident?" Carlisle asked with concern, only to be ignored by Edward. I kept silent as I didn't know whether he would want his father to know the details. After what seemed like minutes I decided to answer for him. If he wasn't going to be mature enough to answer his father I would just do it for him.

"He fell onto the door knob and it went into…" I explained pointing to his rear end which was sticking out.

"Sweet Jesus Edward. How on earth did that happen?" Carlisle said louder than necessary with surprise but looking at me.

"We erm…we were fooling around and I pushed him against the door," I mumbled, hoping that it would be enough of an explanation.

Carlisle walked towards Edward and placed his hand on his lower back leaning forward. "Look son, I know it's not very nice or ethical but I can have a look if you like and see check for damage."

Edward simply nodded slightly.

"Well if it's not you it will just be some stranger doing it. Either way it's going to be humiliating." Edward sighed lifting his head and facing Carlisle in defeat.

"Ok, fine. Just lie down son and we'll get this sorted. I've seen your rear-end more times than I can count. Just think of who used to change your dirty diapers," Carlisle reassured calmly as he directed Edward towards the gurney and pulled on some examination gloves. There was no way I wanted to witness this father/son interaction, so I made my excuses and left the room to wait outside on one of the benches.

A short while later Edward re-emerged from the room with Carlisle. Although obviously disturbed from what had just happened, they seemed calm around each other and I just hoped that things had been somewhat resolved between them. Although I'm sure the conversation we'd avoided would happen with Carlisle in the future.

"It's nothing serious. Just a small tear and some minor bruising," Carlisle explained as we walked towards the exit. "I've injected a little local anaesthetic around the area so Edward shouldn't feel anything for the next few hours."

"Yeah you really did tear me a new one," Edward joked, putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me tight against his body. "I just can't believe I let my father stick his lube covered finger up my ass." He shuddered as his hand travelled down to my ass and rested in the back pocket.

"You're gross," I laughed, smacking his chest and pulling away from him to join Carlisle who had gone ahead was already waiting by the car.

"Thanks Carlisle," I said taking his hand as we got outside and met him. "I'm actually really glad it was you today. God knows what he would have been like if it was some stranger doing that."

"He's my son. Simple" he replied quietly with a smile before embracing me in a tight, warm hug.

Just that small gesture of a hug was a huge break through on my part. I didn't imagine I'd feel so comfortable around him for a long time. Although it had only been a day it felt like much longer and I really missed the Cullen's and the feeling of belonging. As much as Edward was my life, he wouldn't be who he is today without his family and the same with me. I owed them so much.

As we got to the car I made a promise to myself. I would fix this family and get things back to how they used to be. No matter how stubborn or pig-headed Edward wanted to be about it.

I hopped in the car and turned the ignition as Edward got comfortable next to me. Leaning through the open window, Carlisle stretched his arm out across me towards Edward giving a manly handshake. "You two be careful and please avoid falling on anything else for tonight. Stay near something soft, say a mattress," he grinned with a knowing look on his face. I could feel my face burning as I put the car in gear and started to pull away.

"Oh and I won't tell your mother!" Carlisle shouted as he disappeared into the distance.

* * *

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	27. Whiskey, Raisins and Monkey Spunk

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from Twilight. They are property of Stephenie Meyer. I just like to have a little fun with them.

* * *

**Chapter 27 – Whiskey, Raisins and Monkey Spunk**

The drive home seemed to take forever. Edward hadn't spoken another word since pulling away from the hospital and just sat slumped in his seat looking out the window in a sulk. Only moving when I changed the radio station to something he didn't approve of.

Trying to concentrate on the road ahead, I couldn't help but take sneaky glances to my side and at the sulking overgrown child in the passenger seat. Fiddling with his seatbelt and picking invisible fluff off his pants, I could see he was mulling over having to face his father and deal with the embarrassment of Emmett ultimately finding out because, as we've found out in the past, things never seem to stay secret for long in our circle of friends and family.

"Quit staring at me Swan," he said, casting his eyes towards me seemingly sensing my obtrusive stares.

"I'm not staring," I replied, trying to hold in the giggle rising in my throat. As funny as the whole situation might be I could never show my amusement until his royal highness saw the bright side.

"Whatever," Edward mumbled back scratching his hair and pulling at the ends. Watching him pull at his coif I tightened the grip on the steering wheel, avoiding the urge the smack his hands away and scold him. All that tugging on the front of his hair can't be good and the last thing I want is to end up with a bald boyfriend at eighteen.

"Oh stop sulking," I chuckled not bothering to look at his reaction, knowing full well I would be on the receiving end of a death glare.

"I'm not sulking," he stated, folding his arms across his chest and exhaling sharply whilst wiggling his ass slightly trying to get comfortable.

"Right. Anyway, if anyone's got any reason to sulk right now it's me," I stated poking my index finger in his arm. "For one, I didn't get the 'Cullen Special' I had been waiting for, and two, I'm going to have to rethink your Christmas present now."

At the mere mention of Christmas his head snapped towards me and I had his full attention. Edward was always the complete opposite of me. Whereas I hated the whole present thing – firstly I'm crap at thinking of things to buy, and second I hate getting things from people through fear of being disappointed and not being a good enough actress to pull off the whole 'Oh you shouldn't have' thing without it coming out as being false – Edward looked forward to the whole thing and was like a toddler on Christmas morning with paper flying around his body.

"Christmas?" he asked, looking intrigued with a grin on his face.

"Well, yeah," I sighed, shrugging my shoulders and putting my attention back to the road. "I'm going to have to send that butt plug back now and think of something completely new." I looked back towards Edward unable to stop the smirk on my lips upon noticing the horrified look on his face.

"W-w-what?" he spluttered, trying to comprehend what I had said before it dawned on him and his relaxed into a mild state of hysterics. "Very funny Swan. Just get me home and by the way, you're the one rubbing cream into my ass later."

"What was that about 8:30 Rose was shouting about?" I called to Edward from the kitchen as I cooked dinner. I had a vague recollection of something happening tonight but that was as far as my attention went on the particular topic.

"What?" Edward shouted, back clearly utilising his selective hearing when lounging on the sofa and watching something very boring and sports orientated.

Picking up the pan of pasta sauce I walked into the lounge I stood in front of the TV intentionally blocking his view. "_I said_, what's all this about 8:30 that Rose was talking about earlier?"

"We're supposed to be going out with them tonight," he replied pushing against my hip to move me to the side and out of his line of sight.

"And?" I pressed, moving back to my original position and stirring the sauce only to given a blank stare accompanied by a huff as he sat up to face me.

"How am I supposed to know? I'm a guy, we don't take care of specifics. We're simply told to be at a certain place, at a certain time and what to wear." He had shifted to the side and was watching the TV behind me without taking his eyes from the screen. Noticing this sneaky move, I side stepped once more, moving forward at the same time obstructing his view completely.

"Well you're a lot of use Cullen," I scolded, holding out the wooden spoon to his mouth. "And taste." Without hesitation he tried the sauce and hummed his approval. "Well dinner will be done in about five minutes so turn the TV off and come into the kitchen," I ordered as I walked back out of the room.

"_Whoah! When did I become a fifties housewife?"_ I thought as I stood in the kitchen looking back at the inanimate object that was Edward Cullen with his eyes glued to the tube.

"Edward will you get your ass in here before dinner gets cold!" I shouted at the top of my lungs while dishing up our meals and putting an extra-large serving away for Charlie when he got home from work late. I'd no doubt he wouldn't have had anything nutritious all day, unless you class vending machine snacks as part of a balanced diet.

"I just want to see the final score he called as his butt came into view, walking backwards and craning his neck to eke out the remainder of the game.

"The blue team wins. It's an old game that Charlie watched the other day," I stated purposely trying to spoil his fun.

"Oh thanks Swan. Is that your technical take on the whole thing? The 'blue team'?" he huffed as he flounced into the dining chair before jumping up and cursing like a sailor. He'd obviously forgotten about his little problem around the back. The look on his face, one of shock and pure horror, caused me to nearly choke on the food in my mouth. Chugging down my glass of water I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Just eat your food," he chuckled before throwing spaghetti at my head, shoving a whole meatball in his mouth and giving me a wide meaty grin.

"Oh charming. I'm such a lucky girl," I moaned in jest as I pulled the pasta from the front of my hair and began eating.

"Too right you are." He winked. "Oh and I phoned Rose. It's a party slash OAP outing at her parents' house tonight or something. We're all under strict orders to be there as she can't bear the thought of being surrounded by the wrinklies all night."

"But what about your…" I began before being cut off by Edward.

"Let's get something straight before we get there. We will not mention the fact that I currently have two ass holes. Today will simply be referred to as 'the incident we do not mention'. Got it?" he ordered, pointing his fork at me stifling a grin. I simply responded with a salute as I cleared the dirty dishes to the sink and asked what time it was before spinning around and dropping one to the floor.

"What time did you say it was?" I exclaimed, picking the plate up quickly and glancing at the clock to double check and ensure I had heard Edward correctly.

"7:30 why?" he replied walking towards me to pick up the dirty cutlery that had also hit the floor.

"Because we now have one hour to get ready and get there. That's why!" I shouted, slapping my forehead with my hand and looking at the clock once more.

The cardinal rule when it came to attending anything at Rose's parents' house was that you arrive on time. Arriving early or, god forbid, late is simply not acceptable and I was not willing to make that mistake for a third time. I still have to put up with Rose's mother making comments about my punctuality following my arrival one hour late for some candlelit supper soirée they held last year. I couldn't help that my beast of a truck decided to die on me that night.

"Just go get ready now and we'll swing past mine on the way so I can get changed," Edward interrupted my thoughts as he pushed me towards the stairs.

"But we still won't have time," I sighed turning around and pressing my, now sweaty, palms against his chest. "By the time I get showered and dressed and then get to yours and you get showered and dressed we won't have time to drive to the party," I fretted.

"OK, you just gabbled a load of stuff I didn't hear," he laughed, spinning me around again and pushing me up the stairs with his hands on my ass. "And if you carry on with this whirling dervish routine in the hallway we'll be even later." I saw a mischievous look in his eye as he finished and we'd got to the top of the stairs.

"What?" I asked with a frown knowing that no good could come from his train of thought right now considering our timing issues.

"Well I know of a way we can cut down on shower time," he leered, raising one of his eyebrows at me, not moving his hands from my ass even though I had been safely upstairs for some time.

"Fine, but we've gotta be quick and keep your hands to yourself Cullen," I sighed as I grabbed his hand and ran towards the bathroom glancing at the clock once again. "Shit, only 50 minutes left!"

* * *

"See I told you we'd get here on time," Edward grinned tapping the clock on his dash. "With two minutes to spare as well. This baby never lets me down."

As he leaned down to kiss the steering wheel of his precious Volvo, I just grunted and got out of the car trying to be as graceful as possible. Trying to make a good impression, well no, just trying to be respectable I cursed the skirt and heels I had chosen and for not just wearing my usual chucks and jeans.

"Stop fidgeting, you look beautiful," Edward whispered in my ear as we stood outside the Hales' front door. His hand rested on the small of my back in a gesture of support probably through fear of me making a complete tit of myself and falling into the giant planter next to me. It had been known but to be fair it was after a stupid round of 'let's try and beat Emmett at a drinking game' and I didn't break any bones.

Before I had time to change my mind the door swung open and Rose dragged me inside looking quite flustered and very pissed off. Dressed in a stunning red dress that fell just below her knee, and hugged every curve God had graciously bestowed upon her, she looked like she had fallen straight out of some 1950's glamour shoot. Her blonde hair had been loosely curled and hung around her shoulders.

"About fucking time!" she hissed as she closed the door behind us. "I have been surrounded by old cronies and I swear I could feel them leeching my hormones from my body!"

"Good to see you too Rose," Edward announced, standing behind me looking around the entrance hall which had been decorated in dark blue and silver. Smaller than the Cullen's house but no less impressive, it was decorated immaculately. Nothing is ever out of place at the Hales. Rose attributes it to her mother's OCD tendencies but, personally, I just put it down to having enough money for a maid who's too afraid to leave a speck of dust in her wake.

"Yeah, Emmett and Jasper are in the kitchen," Rose said dismissing Edward and waving her hand behind her. "Right, Alice is in the bathroom so we're going to have to do the rounds to be polite with the family and shit and then we're disappearing," she whispered as we walked into the large lounge filled with people dressed in suits sipping champagne and making polite conversation. Yeah this wasn't going to be at all uncomfortable.

Glancing around the room, I spotted what could only be described as a human raisin sitting in one of the chairs and pouring hard liquor from a flask into her glass of juice. "It's Grandma's eightieth birthday today," Rose explained as we made our way through the crowd and were joined by Edward and the others. I glanced up at Edward who was scrunching his nose looking at the relic sitting in front of us.

"Grandma, this is Bella and Edward. You remember them?" Rose said crouching down slightly and shouting. After what seemed like an eternity she glanced up at us through her glaucoma riddled eyes and smiled, beckoning us down towards her. I tentatively crouched slightly to wish her happy birthday as her arms flung around my neck and pulled me towards her bony body. My face was pressed into the side of her neck and my senses were engulfed by the smell of whiskey and overpowering old lady perfume.

"Bella, good to see you again," she laughed as I tried to stand back up before poking me in the stomach. "You've put some weight on. You want to be careful. You don't want to end up fat like our Rosie." Not knowing what to say, not being able to comprehend how anyone could even come close to thinking Rose was fat, I simply made a hasty retreat and hid behind Alice who handed me a much needed glass of champagne. I looked over towards Rose who was just scowling at Yoda's stunt double.

Next up was Edwards turn to take the plunge. As he stepped forward Emmett grabbed the back of his jacket. "Dude, keep your lips tight!" he warned. "I swear she tried to slip me some tongue earlier." Edward just stared at him with his mouth agape and a look of terror in his eyes.

He slowly walked towards her staring at me with pleading eyes. I wasn't going to rescue him. If I had to go through the ordeal he was too. Bending down, I could see him shifting between feet obviously trying to work out how to do this with keeping as much distance between them as possible.

Peeking over Alice's shoulder I couldn't help giggling at his uncomfortable stance. I knew exactly what was going through his mind and that was the best bit. As Edward got closer and tried to place a polite peck on her cheek a hand flew up and pressed into the back of his head grabbing his hair and planting his lips directly on hers. With arms stretched and supporting himself on the chair I could see the muscles in his back twitch before he released himself and practically ran out of the room.

As we all ran into the kitchen we were confronted by Edward using his glass of champagne as mouthwash over the sink and wiping his tongue with a napkin.

"She fucking tongued me! I swear I even felt her false teeth shift!" he exclaimed, looking green around the gills as we all collapsed into a fit of hysterics. "Oh God! That's just one step away from necrophilia!" he groaned downing his drink and grabbing a fresh one.

"I told ya dude, you should have kept your lips tight." Emmett shuddered next to me obviously recalling his brush with death earlier.

"Edward," I cooed as I walked towards him. "Will you still love me when I'm old and wrinkly?"

"If you kiss me like that? No fucking way!" he laughed wrapping his arms around me and kissing the top of his head. "Jazz, did you get the Granny treatment?" Edward asked looking over my head at a smug looking Jasper.

"Nope, I'm not stupid. Been there done that. Apparently I've got a virus and I'd hate for someone as fragile as her to catch it from me." He winked grabbing a fresh drink from the waiter walking past. I had to admire Jaspers forward thinking but I couldn't really blame him. His last brush with the 'Grimm Reaper' involved her grabbing his junk and giving it a squeeze. I don't think he's ever fully gotten over being molested by an OAP.

"And this is why I hate family events," Rose laughed flailing her arms around and spinning on her heels towards the other room, grabbing a couple of bottles of champagne and liquor on her way. "Let the real fun begin."

As we all filed into the 'playroom' as Emmett calls it, I took up residence on one of the plush couches with Edward as Emmett started mixing some very strange cocktails at the small bar in the corner.

I could hear the conversations continuing elsewhere in the house and was more than thankful that we didn't have to be a part of it. Whereas I could talk freely to Edward's family, it just wasn't the case with Rose's. Her mother scared the life out of me and her father is nothing more than a dirty old pervert who gets very handsy after a drink.

As Rose turned some music on, Edward shifted and pulled me into his lap. His hands traced random patterns down my thigh and he hummed into my neck. Knowing exactly where this was headed and not wanting to explain any stains on his black pants I turned towards him to tell him off when he leaned forward to kiss me. I pulled backwards and shook my head causing him to frown and look confused.

"I'm not kissing you with that mouth. I know where it's been," I laughed placing my finger on his lips. "How's your ass?" I whispered in his ear with a slight chuckle.

"Sore, I think the anaesthetic is wearing off slightly. You can kiss it better if you like," he grinned nuzzling the side of my neck.

"Actually that's probably the better deal. It's cleaner than your mouth right now!" I smiled, pushing against him and sitting back on the sofa next to Alice who was flicking through a stack of CD's.

"Very true Swan, very true," Edward agreed as he got up to see what vile concoctions Emmett was inventing.

As I sat on the couch refilling my glass, Alice lay down with her head on my lap and a pensive look on her face. "What's up tinker?" I asked pushing her hair away from her bleary eyes. She had obviously been making the most of the open bar long before we had arrived. She simply shook her head before glancing over towards the guys mixing brightly coloured drinks and Rose telling them off for doing it wrong after sampling them.

"Oh it's nothing," she sighed, turning over to face my stomach.

"Well it's obviously something," I said, brushing her hair back and playing with it between my fingers. "I know you too well Ms Cullen-soon-to-be-Whitlock."

"I'm just gonna miss this. You know, just this" she slurred, slightly waving her hand around the room. "When we all go to college and you and Edward go travelling things will be different." A tear rolled down her cheek and I brushed it away with my thumb before wiping my own tears. Things would be different and looking at my five best friends who were currently getting sloshed, it hit me just how much I was going to miss us. Just the six of us hanging out and doing stupid shit.

"Yeah it will be different. Different isn't bad though. We'll all still have each other and you know I'll always just be a phone call…and maybe a couple of plane rides away." I sighed as I downed my drink and pushed Alice off my lap, albeit a little hard, causing her to land on the floor. "Let's see what those fuckwits are up to."

Pulling her up by her arm, we made our way over to the bar which was lined two deep with some very strangely coloured, and some rather lumpy drinks.

"Right Bells!" Emmett shouted dropping his arm around my shoulder. "What would you like?" He stretched his arm out along the bar looking rather proud of what they'd made.

"Erm, I don't know. What's least lethal and won't cause alcoholic poisoning?" I asked, nervously sniffing at a drink that I swear singed my nose hair.

"I can't promise anything Bella!" Jasper slurred next to me, his tongue red from sampling the delights during creation. As I looked at him, I saw a decidedly nasty looking concoction at the end of the bar. "It's like roulette. You never know which drink is gonna kill you," he laughed tipping his drink towards me and leaning back against the bar.

"Ok, fine. You can choose a drink for me Jasper….if you drink…this" I said picking up the glass containing what could only be described as being filled with what looked to be a combination of phlegm and jizz.

"Ah, that's the good one!" Edward cheered from behind me. "We like to call it 'Monkey Spunk'."

"Deal," Jasper called, grabbing the drink from the side just as Alice screamed and tried to grab it away from him. Missing him by inches he downed the drink before looking queasy. With no warning he appeared to erupt. Truly erupt with the 'Monkey Spunk' flying back across the room and splattering over a family portrait on the end table. I braced myself for Rose to bitch the life out of him and castrate him on the spot, but she simply collapsed to the floor - spilling her drink in a fit of hysterics followed by Alice.

"What the hell is going on in here?" a voice bellowed from the doorway. I craned my neck past Jasper (who was picking some remaining lumps off his shirt) to see a very pissed off Mr Hale. "Party's over. Time to go home," he ordered, simply pointing to the hallway.

Without a word uttered, we managed to file towards the front door and stood trying not to giggle as Jasper was dragged by Emmett and Edward. As far as I knew Rose was still collapsed on the floor and the reaming she was about to get from her father wasn't something I was willing to witness. My head was fuzzy and I just wanted to lie down.

"Bella, I take it you're going home. Edward, Alice you too?" he asked as we stood giggling like naughty children.

"No, erm…I'll go back to Bella's if that's ok Mr Hale," Edward stuttered trying to talk as normally as possible but failing miserably.

"Fine, well I'll drive you two back and my brother will take the other two," he sighed as he walked out of the door and towards his new shiny beamer.

Following behind him clumsily, we filed into the back of the car as he opened all the windows and stared at us in disgust through the rear-view mirror. The short drive was agony. If I thought Edward was a fast and choppy driver he had nothing on this man. With every turn I felt like my stomach was going to come out of my mouth. Edward simply lay back with his eyes closed. Settling my head on his shoulder I tried the same trick.

"Is your father not home Bella?" Mr Hale asked as we pulled up to the house. The cruiser wasn't on the drive so I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't fancy having to face Charlie right now. Not with being dropped home by my friends Dad whilst off my tits at a birthday party for an eighty year old. I'm sure he'll hear about it but I'll deal with that in the morning, after a good amount of painkillers and fluids.

"No, he must still be at work. We'll be fine," I reassured as I dragged Edward out of the car and towards the house.

* * *

After eventually opening the door and haphazardly making our way upstairs, I deposited Edward in my room and went to brush my teeth. Staring in the mirror, I tried to join the two faces together. Since when did I have three eyes? Making my way towards my room I kicked my shoes off and pushed open the door. Edward was on his back sprawled out on my bed naked as the day he was born.

"Er, excuse me?" I scolded, as I stood and took in the sight before me. It might have been sexy if not for the fact that he still had his shoes and socks on and a raging boner.

"Come to bed," he slurred patting the bed next to him. "I need some Bella."

"You're fucked," I laughed as I stumbled towards my dresser discarding my clothes on my way so I was left in my underwear. Turning around I looked back at him; raised up on his elbows with a frown on his face. "What's up with you?"

"Why aren't you naked yet?" he sulked "I want to see my girls. I missed them tonight".

Crossing my arms over my chest I looked him up and down and managed to tear my eyes away long enough from his crotch to see his feet. "Why have you still got your shoes on?"

"I was saving the best 'til last," he slurred trying to sit up straight and kicking them off along with his socks. "Is that better?"

"Much," I laughed walking over to him and throwing a blanket over his body. My mind and body were playing havoc with me. As much as the room span the only thing I could think of was ravaging him where he lay, barely conscious.

Crawling under the blanket I snuggled up to his warm body. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me on top of his body. I could feel his hard-on pressing against me as I straddled his hips. Unsure as to whether the fuzzy feeling in my legs was from the alcohol or him, I decided to go with the latter as that seemed to have the better ending.

His hands made short work of my bra as I leaned down to brush my lips against his. Surely the alcohol would have killed any old lady bugs by now. I doubt much could resist what he'd been drinking tonight. If there was a nuclear holocaust the only things remaining would be cockroaches and Edward Cullen. Deepening the kiss, his hands made their way to my panties as he pulled them down my thighs. I could feel him pressed against me and the sudden contact cleared my head slightly.

Leaning up, I scooted off his body and towards the bedside table. "Aw come on Bells. Please don't tell me the only action I'm seeing tonight is from someone who should have been buried back in 1999," he moaned at the loss of contact. Reaching into the drawer I pulled out a condom and made quick work of rolling it on him.

Through my hazy mind it felt like his hands were everywhere and I was only vaguely aware of being on my back. How drunk must I really be? Ah who cares? It would be worth the hangover. As his weight rested on my body I could feel him pressing against me and gave him a helping hand. In one short thrust he was buried in me. Gasping at the intrusion I gripped hold of his shoulders. This wasn't going to be a gentle Edward tonight and I was glad.

"Fuck me, Bella" he gasped in my ear as he began slow deep thrusts. He had never shown this side of him before. There was to be no concern. This was pure fucking.

"I am!" I laughed as he attacked my mouth with his. I could feel my orgasm building as I wrapped my legs around his waist and his tempo sped up. His hand travelled up my thigh until it reached my calf. Gripping onto it he lifted my leg and held it up towards my head. The change in position was my undoing. In what seemed like a matter of seconds my world came crashing down around me.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" I cried as he continued pounding, his sweaty fringe falling on my face. His breaths became more ragged as he got closer. Holding the headboard in one hand and my leg in another, he came hard growling my name in my ear over and over - finally pummelling my head into the headboard on the last thrust.

"Damn that's gonna leave a concussion!" I laughed, rubbing the top of my head and playing with the back of Edwards hair and he lay on top of me trying to catch his breath.

"What the fuck is going on in here!" A voice bellowed from the doorway. My eyes shot to the side to see Charlie standing pointing a gun at us still wearing his uniform and almost purple in the face with rage.

"Holy shit!" Edward squeaked as he jumped off me and hit the floor on the other side of the bed.

"Answer me young lady! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Charlie snarled as he lowered his gun and put it back in the holster. Gathering the sheets around my body I said the first thing that came to mind.

"Playing 'Scrabble'?"

* * *

Well, there you have it kiddies! All finished. I hope the ending hasn't pissed off too many people. You never know, there may be a sequel one day...

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